The Journal

Bekah and I have been in the UK and Europe since the early part of this month.
What follows is excerpts from my journal beginning October 4, the day we left.

Friday, October 4
Woke up around 4am with a fear-based assault on my mind. Started running Scripture through my mind and it eased. Around 10am got hit again. Prayed through it. 2 hours before leaving the house I found out that we are on for October 14 to record the video project. And that a church stepped forward and is willing to allow us to record there. (We later flew to London that day and arrived on Saturday).

Sunday, October 6
In the early morning hours I was assaulted with a sick, dark dream that I won’t give words to. Renounced, prayed, shut down the work of the enemy. Went to a church that has been around since 1707. Maybe 30 people there. At one point the man who gave the morning message said that if we obey God it will result in blessings. In general, yes, but there are times when obedience means suffering and “counting the cost.”

Monday, October 7
Another dark, perverse dream in the early morning hours. I have a feeling that something happened in that apartment in the past that gave that spirit some kind of ground there. The warfare went on into the late morning. Then early afternoon I got hit with depression. Renounced it, and it lifted. Tomorrow we set up for the CRE show here in Milton Keynes. So far the video project continues to come together for October 14.

Tuesday, October 8
Rough night, rough day. Seemingly was given coffee with caffeine on Monday (caffeine overloads my nervous system and creates anxiety) and struggled to sleep most of the night, while being hit with lust thoughts. Spent a lot of today with a heavy weight of depression, to the point of wondering why I’m doing all this. It seems like most other Christians are walking around with it easy while I’m being bludgeoned. Was wondering if I had been doing something wrong. A UK friend of mine came to the stand while we were setting up. Right before he left he asked if he could pray for me, to which I agreed. His prayer included “God, please help this man who is suffering…” He knew nothing of what I had been going through. It was a touch from God. Continued to struggle with depression although not as bad. Later I read a post about “pushing through your feelings and praising God.” This hit the mark and I started praising the Lord. I know this and felt like a fool for not praising Him sooner. Sometimes when I’m in the fog it’s easy to get a little disoriented. Thank you God, for the encouragement. Deep down, I know I was made for this way of life; to persevere, fight for those who have no voice, and take new ground. There is this inner burn that wants more than most of what I see around me.

Wednesday, October 9
Finally slept okay. Around 10:30am at CRE (first day) got hit with an intense attack of warfare that I felt physically and emotionally, with pressure to give up, leave, be done with the UK. Prayed 2 chapters (Ps 91 and parts of 119) and it eventually faded. Around noon the dam finally broke and we started having engaging conversations. Then got hit again around 3:00… I started feeling like the energy was being drained out of me. Was seriously contemplating going to the car to lay down when someone from Konnect Radio came and got me for a radio interview on site. It went well. Overall we had a good day after dealing with the warfare.

Thursday, October 10, 2024
Had a good day at CRE. Made more contacts, although I think we had our strongest interest yesterday. Taping is set for Monday. I’m wondering how trying to British-ise my content is going to work. Got hit with depression twice. The depressions felt like a heavy weight trying to sink me into a hole to stay away from the UK. Prayed out of the first one then praised out of the second. Tomorrow we meet with a church in Ilford.

Friday, October 11, 2024
A little after 5:30 this morning got hit with an intense attack. There was a felt presence of evil in the room. Spent time praying scripture, Psalm 91, 35, 80, Ephesians 1. When I got to Eph 1:7 (“in Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses…”) the intensity of the attack increased a little, which I took to mean that I was hitting a nerve. I repeated that verse multiple times, then focused my attention on God. It felt like I was too focused on being engaged in the fight and needed to look up to Him. A little later the battle broke. Played songs by Fernando Ortega and had more peace.

Met the pastor at the church in Ilford. We have a similar heart for God and reaching people, and connected well. It’s a Pentecostal church with a large building, maybe 3-4 stories, with a coffee shop, grocery store, and more. I emailed him dates for January. A pastor from a church about an hour and a half north of here who I met at CRE Wednesday emailed: we’re scheduled January 25 for a From Porn to Grace conference.

Saturday, October 12, 2024
A day off. Tired of ministry stuff and needing a break. Went to London, saw Big Ben, walked around. Neither I nor Bekah slept well last night. 2 more days until we record.

Sunday, October 13, 2024
Found out last night a man wanted counseling today. Met with him this afternoon.
Tomorrow we record the video series. Been praying for and looking forward to it for a long time.

Monday, October 14, 2024
Woke up at 3am with warfare that continued until we went to the church to film at 9am. It got intense from 7-9am. Recording was a great experience with Elliott from Monkeynut UK and his team, and I had all the energy I needed (with long covid, my energy level is a concern). Bekah was praying for strength for me throughout. Elliott mentioned how she has certain gifts. Today was the culmination of 10 months of praying and warfare leading up to this point. Now comes the production and editing time, along with filming the British actress early November in front of a green screen for the intros and exits. Then a month of post-production.

Our booth at CRE: