by Robin Williams, Facilitator of the Blazing Grace Wives Support Group
Blazing Grace offers a prayer and support group for wives who are hurting and wounded by their husband’s sexual addiction or adultery. The group is open not only to those who are married but to those who are engaged or considering marriage. For a couple of years, I was a participant on the call as the wife of someone struggling with an addiction to pornography. Around 2004, the discovery of my husband’s betrayal led me to search for help online. Blazing Grace Ministry was the site where I found the most help and quickly learned there was a foundation of prayer undergirding this ministry. The support and encouragement I received from Mike Genung and the women on the prayer team were literally a lifeline for me during that season of my life.
Unfortunately, my marriage ended a few years after disclosure. The aftermath of this experience left me with deep wounds and many questions. I chose to find healing for myself through a local ministry called Barnabas Center. It was there I quickly learned that healing is greatly facilitated by a group experience. I spent 28 weeks as a part of a group of 7 women and 2 group leaders sharing our experiences of betrayal and gaining a hope for healing.
I also had the amazing opportunity to travel to the west coast to train as a Life Coach with special emphasis on working with those affected by sexual addiction. In 2005, Mike Genung asked me if I’d be interesting in doing online support by email to wives who sought help through the Blazing Grace ministry. My opportunities came quickly and I made myself available to support and encourage wives through this ministry and my coaching experiences. I was often asked why I wanted to continue in this type of ministry to other women. My friends and family seemed to believe I needed to move on to something that didn’t involve such painful reminders of my broken marriage. Each time the questions came, I would evaluate my reasons for continuing to reach out to hurting women. I knew the answer had come to me in my coach training. Having experienced a deep and painful sexual wound as a child and a continued struggle with sexual issues as an adult, my heart just inherently was drawn to this type of ministry.
After my experiences at Barnabas Center, the hours I spent coaching other wives and engaging in dialogue with women via email, I began to realize that isolation can become a breeding ground for bitterness, anger, unforgivensess, shame and guilt. I also began to see the tremendous advantage of having an outlet to speak freely to another woman who understood the pain of sexual betrayal.
Here are a few of the reasons I believe in group support and prayer for wives who have found their world turned upside down by sexual betrayal. The following experiences are just a sampling of what I’ve experienced in speaking with wives of those struggling with sexual addiction.
* A pastor’s wife calls me, a lay person, and literally cries for an hour over her husband’s use of porn and his removal from his position as pastor. They’ve been married 35 years and have grandchildren. Her life feels like a lie.
* The pastor who took my hand when I went to the altar to accept Christ and baptized me in water is arrested for soliciting a prostitute.
* I answer the phone to recognize the voice of a friend seeking a group for wives who need support when their husband has a sexual addiction. She lives 15 minutes down the road but had to find me on the internet because she needs someone to listen. Two years later, she shoots her husband and turns the gun on herself.
* A woman I’m coaching shares with me her thoughts of taking her own life.
* A mother tells me of her fears of leaving her two children alone in the house with their father since she has discovered his online history indicates he is looking at child porn.
I really don’t need any more reasons to understand the need for a woman to have a place where she can feel safe and find encouragement in light of these kinds of circumstances. The women I’ve spoken with have felt their world has turned upside down and nearly every one I’ve spoken with has been plagued by feelings of being all alone in their struggle.
I recently did a survey of the Blazing Grace Wives Prayer and Support Group. I’d like to share some of their responses here for those women who’ve considered being a part of the prayer group but haven’t yet contacted us to become a participant.
Question One:
What do you feel you have gained personally from being a part of the prayer group?
- Confidentiality, encouragement, support, the loving concern of other women
- Deeper understanding of God’s desire for all people to know Him and be healed
- More sensitivity to the needs of others
- A deeper prayer life and passion to see other people healed and set free
- Fellowship, trust, safe and supportive environment to share my needs
Question Two:
Summarize the purpose of the prayer group.
- A spiritual oasis for broken hearted women who feel desperate, confused and alone
- Knowing God’s heart for myself and others; praying for the healing of my own heart
- Praying for the Blazing Grace Ministry and its leaders
- Praying for the church to recognize the need to address the issue of sexual integrity
- Praying for all those who lives are or will be touched by the Blazing Grace ministry
Question Three:
What are you most passionate about personally as a participant of the prayer group?
- Praying for and connecting with others whose lives have been shattered by SA.
- Lives and hearts being changed
- Sharing with others what God is doing in my life as a result of the group and praying for and encouraging those who are just learning of the betrayal.
When Mike asked me to be the prayer coordinator a little over a year ago, I had just experienced a miraculous and life changing encounter with God. God in His great grace and mercy exposed the wound of my own heart and my own misunderstanding of His great love for me. I was able to confess to God my own struggle with sexual sin and repent with godly sorrow for the unhealthy choices I’d made and turn toward Him in full surrender. The freedom I’d read about in the Word of God became a reality in my life for the first time in my sixty years of living. My passion for others to find this freedom has grown exponentially as I’ve served as the prayer coordinator.
As I accepted both the responsibility and the privilege of facilitating the group a little over a year ago, I recognized this promise coming to pass in my life.
“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of sympathy and the God of every comfort who comforts us in every trouble, so that we may also be able to comfort those who are in any kind of trouble or distress, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.”
(II Corinthians 1: 3-4)
The blessing I have received in being a part of this group has far exceeded any expectation I could have had going into the first call. Some of the most amazing, compassionate and encouraging young women have become a part of my life as I accepted this privilege. As can be seen in the answers to the survey, those participating in the group who came in with great pain brokenness have also caught God’s vision to see healing take place not just in their own lives and family but in the lives of people worldwide. That’s the kind of thing only God can orchestrate. He takes broken and cracked vessels and fashions and molds them into vessels that can carry the message of healing to others.
If you have ever entertained the idea of being a part of the prayer group, please contact us and get connected. We have seen answered prayers, progress and healing in many lives as a result of our time together. Don’t allow your fear of not being able to pray aloud keep you from participating. We have had several ladies who just listen in on the call and have found that to be helpful. We have been praying for you already, so just let go of any inhibitions you have and make that contact. I will explain either on the phone or by email just how the conference call works and how to get plugged in. If you have questions or concerns, I will be happy to answer them for you.
Finally, if you have been thinking, “If only I had…
- someone to listen to my pain…
- someone who undestands…
- someone who will encourage and pray for me
- someone who will follow up with me; someone I can trust
Look no further! Reach out! Contact us and ask to be put in touch with the prayer group. Join a safe and supportive environment where you can feel free from judgment and have the warm and loving encouragement of other women who understand. We have been waiting for you to join us!