The Lamp Posts below can provide light for all of the Christian life.
Let’s jump right in.
Freedom and healing are impossible in isolation. Many have tried the “do it yourself” approach to avoid sharing their weaknesses and failures with others, including myself. You must have a tribe of other believers who have your back.
Our performance and comfort-driven churches have trained us to isolate. If your church does that thing where they tell everyone to “greet the person next to you”, you know what I mean. Everyone puts on a plastic smile, says “How are you?” and sits down. You will have to go against the grain of your training.
Dabbling in the recovery process doesn’t work. Those who don’t go all-out will remain in bondage.
Regardless of whether you’re a husband trying to break free or a wife who needs to heal, your brain chemistry, emotions, and spirit have been impacted. Healing is needed in all 3 areas.
Exercise is a mood-lifting wonder drug with many benefits. Take it often.
Those in bondage to porn will have a long, hard road that will involve learning new habits, breaking bad ones, learning how to connect and walk with God, restoring their marriage, overhauling their character, and understanding and being equipped for the intense spiritual battle that is set against them. There is an all-out war for their heart; they must be trained to fight. Their journey to freedom and wholeness will take years.
Wives will have a long, hard road that will involve learning new habits, breaking bad ones, learning how to connect and walk with God, restoring their marriage, overhauling their character, and understanding and being equipped for the intense spiritual battle that is set against them. There is an all-out war for their heart; they must be trained to fight. Their journey to freedom and wholeness will take years.
The husband and wife have been traumatized and wounded. Both sides have blind spots, struggle with selfishness and pride, and are under assault. Both need grace and patience.
Satan, after being given so much ground by a Pollyanna church that has failed to equip its people to be overcomers (especially in the sexual realm), is attacking marriages with all the vehemence and intensity he can muster. He is your enemy, not your spouse. Pray together often.
Communication goes off the rails quickly when husbands and wives demand that they are heard and stop trying to listen.
Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.
James 1:19-20
Porn can take you to dark, evil places you never expected. It is a demonic stealth-virus that destroys the lives of those who make it, view it, and are married to it. Lust is not your friend, your comfort, or a source of life or love. The longer you allow it to build a fortress in your heart, the more devastating the consequences.
Churches that won’t talk about sex, porn, or masturbation keep their people in bondage and ally themselves with Satan’s work to destroy lives.
You must be willing to feel pain to heal. Running from your heart and emotions will compound your misery with interest. The depth you’re willing to feel pain and heal will be the depth that you can experience true joy.
Some believers attempt to hide behind doctrine and knowledge to avoid their heart. Then they become angry, hardened Pharisees.
Blaming the wife for a husband’s sexual sin is insanity. Such men show that pride is on the throne of their heart.
Many men hate the sin they’re in bondage to. Some wives believe their husbands love the sin of lust more than they love them.
Never underestimate the power of shame. Guilt is regret of what we’ve done; shame is despising who we are. Some make a big mistake when they think they can beat a man into freedom. “The beatings will continue until morale improves” is their mode of operation. And, a wife cannot be manipulated into healing.
Fear keeps people away from God, healing, and others, and is a cousin to anger. Never make a decision based on fear.
Once anger has been allowed to fester into bitterness, it releases poison into the soul. Once the heart is hardened, we enter a danger zone where we are at risk of distancing ourselves from God or others. Many are walking away from the faith from bitterness. Be careful with what you allow to reside in your heart. The antidote to anger includes expressing our feelings in a controlled manner, release, trust, and forgiveness.
Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.
Ephesians 4:26-27
Most marital failures are the result of a man who will not get help or go all-out in the recovery process.
Tragically, many are wasting the one life they’ve been given due to sexual sin. Churches that avoid the topics of sex and equipping their people in this area have blood on their hands.
There is always hope. Never give up.
You must learn to be a prayer warrior. You must have a tribe. These are non-negotiables for every believer in the dark days we’re caught in. We have prayer meetings available for all, no matter where you are in life.