This is a picture of me in 1997. The night before, I had gone on a porn binge.
Look at my eyes: I have a vacant stare, it’s as if nobody is home. There’s no life behind those eyes.
This picture shows the effects of porn addiction; it hollows out the soul until there’s nothing left; just a raw shell. There is no life, love, joy, or peace. The sick part is that “the answer” to resolving this misery is to do more porn, which perpetuates the downward cycle into discouragement and depression, more emptiness, then the cycle is repeated again.
The only way to live the Christian life while in bondage to lust is wear a mask; fake it. Put on that phony, Sunday smile at church… use verses to throw people off the scent, act like you’re humble, and oh, doing ministry always works, right? “Brother Paul, you sooooo ministered to me last night. You are such a great man of God.”
The next morning, Brother Paul goes on another binge.
I’ve done everything I mentioned above, and it’s a horrible place to be. At times I felt like I was miles away from God, and yet, He kept showing up and drawing me to Him, even in the midst of my biggest sin and failure. That’s grace.
With surveys showing that two thirds of Christian men and 30% of women are viewing porn, you and I are sitting next to a lot of people during church services who are faking it.
So what’s the first step to freedom from any sin?
From the pastor to the sheep, be real. Open up the ugly parts of your life to another believer, or group. Pastors, some of your most powerful preaching may be when you share your own struggles with lust, pride, or other sins.
The risky part about being real is that you might get preached to, judged, or condemned if you share you story with the wrong person. I’ve been on the receiving end of treatment like this at the hands of believers, and it’s sends a powerful signal that the church is the wrong place to go for help. If God leads someone to you who needs help, the first rule to helping another person is to be quiet, and listen. Make them feel heard and cared for. Don’t preach, quote verses, or go off on a “me-monologue.”
God shines through the cracks; it’s okay to be broken.