While I was in bondage to sexual sin, I assumed I was a freak; that something in me was defective or broken that was right in others. Pastors didn’t talk about porn, so I assumed I was the only one who struggled with it.
All those happy faces on Sunday morning were a stark contrast to my inner world of shame and a crippling sense that I was a square peg trying to fit into the church of those who have it together. I felt like a spiritual leper, one who was “outside the camp” of Biblical times. I felt dirty, and was ashamed of who I was. Words like “hypocrite” and “loser” haunted me. How could I get help for something that no one else struggled with or could understand?
The fear of rejection was intense. I had committed adultery both as a single and married man and was hooked on masturbating to pictures of naked women. The porn problem was shaming enough; to admit that I was an adulterer; it was too much. Exposing my sin seemed next to impossible for a freak like me.
Churches that don’t talk openly and clearly about sexual sin and offer effective solutions for breaking free are keeping people in chains of fear, shame, and rejection. I’ve worn those chains and can tell you that they had a debilitating effect on my life. Over the years I’ve heard many men say the same thing I believed, that “I’m the only one who struggles with this.”
It’s not just the men. Wives whose husbands are in bondage to sexual sin suffer silently with shame and the fear of rejection from a different angle. “They’ll think I wasn’t enough for him and/or failed as a wife.” The embarrassment and humiliation of having a husband who’s addicted to pictures and masturbates to them is cause enough for them to shrink back in the shadows and lay low. The Sunday smiles of all the happy couples and families make them want to throw up.
In spite of the church’s silence (and denial) of sexual sin, you’re not a freak, in fact, you’re in the mainstream. One recent survey released within the past month showed that around 64% of Christian men view porn at least once a month. Surveys in the late 90s and early 2000s were showing that half of Christian men were viewing porn; now it’s closer to two thirds. This means you’re just like most of the men in the church.
Which is a bad thing.
I know from experience that when a man or woman is into lust that their relationship with God is lukewarm at best. Following the herd in the church of 2014 is dangerous to your spiritual health.
The good news is that you can be a freak if you want to. Note that a freak is someone who’s unusual; they stand out from the herd. Being a freak isn’t always a bad thing.
So here’s how you can be a Christian freak:
Do whatever it takes to break free from porn. Go to support groups, counseling, whatever it takes. Many men are content to waste their lives and destroy their families while they chase the illusion of the ultimate lust high. Don’t be like one of them.
Purify your home; remove all access to porn or sexually explicit content from it, whether cable service, magazines, or other content.
Go radical in your walk with God. Spend 24-48 hours with Him alone at a Christian retreat. Do the things that most Christians won’t do… or are afraid to when it comes to their relationship with Him.
Scrap your vision and plans for your life and ask God to take over.
Shed the poser-Christian skin and share your weaknesses and faults with others. Let God shine through your cracks.
Talk about your struggles with sexual sin openly and encourage others to do the same.
Refuse to compromise in your Christian walk.
If you do these things, you will become a Christian freak; one in the church who no longer runs with the crowd. Some people will see your “abnormalities” and squirm; your choice to live out the Christian life is a threat to their comfort zone.
Others will be grateful for showing them what living your beliefs looks like, and thank you for helping them become a freak like you.
Go radical. Become a Christian Freak.