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crucified123
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Posted: Sat May 12th, 2007 06:32 pm |
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Dear Tropicalstorn,
Pick up "Changes That Heals" by Henry Cloud. Also get the workbook that goes along with it and work it diligently, then let us know if the hole in your heart is beginning to change.
It's about connection in the healtiest and most fulfulling way inside and outside of marriage, and always integrating your relationship with God as well. The book runs about $6.00.00.
Enjoy!
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guitarist63
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Posted: Sat May 12th, 2007 09:16 pm |
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Dear Crucified123, thank you for your very interesting reply. So one doesn't have to wait too long for a blue moon. I, however, remember the nocturnal emissions I had as a boy and didn't like the dreams at all so I am not looking forward to them one bit.
Perhaps if the sexual function is totally starved in a man - a Christian male - who never gets married - then nocturnal emissions would cease.
I think it is possible to completely starve the sexual function. It's the best way for a Christian single man if he is never to be married.
I could say more but we're getting into the realm of debate here and perhaps I have said too much. I am also aware that this subject is off the topic of this thread and shouldn't really be here in the first place. Sorry for the intrusion, journeyofmine.
Stephen
Last edited on Wed Jun 27th, 2007 10:15 pm by guitarist63
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crucified123
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Posted: Sun May 13th, 2007 12:46 am |
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Dear Stephen,
Paul, in 1 Corinthians 7 tells us that not all are called as he is, that is to a life of celibacy and for those who are burning with "passion" the want, desire, or being sexually involved must find one person and develop a life, a love, and a commitment within the bonds of marriage and with God as their Lord, Redeemer, King, etc.
Yes, if you starve the appetite then the neuropathway that was created as a result of misusing a wonderful gift met for marriage only. In other words, as you learn more about yourself in light of what God's Word teaches, your value, beliefs, philosophy, feelings, thoughts, dreams, wishes, desire, yes and no, time, attitude, will change to align in a way that is through the lens of God's Word. Things of the world will fade and pass away.
By the way the natural emission does not need a dream attached to it. If you're married and you are committing your ways to the Lord and your marriage, taking care to protect, guard, and nourish your wife, children, and yourself, your sexual expression of the love that you hold towards your spouse will become far more meaningful and glorious to the Lord and to you and your spouse. And that folks was the way it was and is supposed to be! It's time to come out of hiding, confess our sins, stop wallowing, and do whatever is necessary to not only be obedient, but also to truly be called a child of God, in all our ways. Stop separating sex from marriage and sex from "real" love. Leave Egypt behind and walk uprightly. Too often we want the benefit, but we don't want to do the work necessary to accomplish this. We just want God to be a genie and wiggle his nose or something. That is a mentality of a 2 year old. Cute when 2, but not so cute when one is an adult. Stop calling evil good and good evil. Can I get an Amen, brothers/sisters.
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guitarist63
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Posted: Sun May 13th, 2007 01:00 am |
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Thanks, Crucified123. It will be clear enough in the next year whether I will be able to get free from my old habit. Thanks for your imput and apologies again for the long digression from the original main subject of this thread. Stephen.
Last edited on Wed Jun 27th, 2007 10:17 pm by guitarist63
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crucified123
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Posted: Sun May 13th, 2007 01:08 am |
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| Call it a hunch question if you will, but are you trying to do all of this without a sponsor or accountability partner. I would strongly encourage you to get involve with SA Anonymous. They cut through all the stuff and deal with lust for what it is. If you have a problem with attending in person, there are online 12 steps SA type meetings as well.
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guitarist63
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Posted: Sun May 13th, 2007 03:45 pm |
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I have checked what SA accountability groups there are in the UK and there is nothing anywhere near here. I am not interested in online accountability, except this forum. First and foremost, I am accountable to God and there's no substitute for me. Others may find a group is what they need but I am not sociable and find any social interaction exhausting. Much of the time when I am in public gatherings, groups, I am hardly conscious of other people and shut down completely. Stephen
Last edited on Wed Jun 27th, 2007 10:19 pm by guitarist63
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crucified123
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Posted: Sun May 13th, 2007 09:51 pm |
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I would never for a moment and so far I haven't suggested that you replace God with any person, place, or thing.
At the same time, God's Word instructs us to develop relationships with other human beings. He also tells us to be responsible for ourselves, but accountable to each other.
Since there are many good Christian Oriented 12 step type sexual addiction accountability group on-line, I'm not clear on what keeps you from joining one of them. This forum is good, but it's not a recovery group per se. It does not have accountability partners that enables you to be brutally honest or to be held accountable or helps in devising a plan to progress into a healthier individual. It is very supportive, informative, and encouraging.
In essence what I hear is that you have decided to insulate yourself and there are many reasons that you give to design and run your own recovery process. Primarily through isolation in a very large sense.
I'm not saying not to continue with this forum as it is at least one resource that you have in mulling things through. But unless you get out there, then how are you going to grow and develop while learning to deal with life more effectively on God's terms?
Hopefully, the above challenges you and no offense is taken.
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guitarist63
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Posted: Mon May 14th, 2007 12:04 am |
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Crucified123, thanks. I am in a church - a very small and interactive church, not one for sitting in pews. They will be my accountability group in future. I have just started meeting with them so it's early days. I am getting better at social interaction but it doesn't prevent me having the same problem with communication that I have. I can't explain my particular difficulties to you because you don't understand what it is to suffer Asperger. Stephen
Last edited on Wed Jun 27th, 2007 10:40 pm by guitarist63
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TimM
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Posted: Mon May 14th, 2007 03:40 am |
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Stephen,
I only know about Asperger's from a bit of reading (though I think my own personality has many Asperger-like elements), but could I try out a thought?
You write extremely well. I love your descriptive essays on your childhood, but you also describe your feelings and history quite well in writing. I wonder if on-line 12-step meetings (or even 12-step e-mail lists) might be a possible way to share your experience as an addict which you, as a person with Asperger's, might find easier than meetings in person. I could imagine that a place where all the communication was by typed words might be easier to figure out than a place where people were meeting in person and a lot was happening in subtle social ways that you (and I, too) might have trouble reading.
As I say, this is just a thought, and you obviously are the one who knows how you're comfortable communicating and in what order you need to address your challenges. It's also perfectly possible for me to imagine that written discussion, which offers even fewer cues than conversation in person, might just be harder for an Asperger's person to figure out.
In this forum, though, you really come across to me, anyway, as a person quite skilled in verbal communication.
Tim M.
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crucified123
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Posted: Mon May 14th, 2007 11:44 am |
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Dear Stephen,
You are correct in stating that I do not understand your experience of Asperger Syndrome. But I do know what and how it can affect a person's socialization skills and comfort level in being able just to be themselves without having someone misinterpret them or criticizing them in ways that are unwarranted. How do I know this.
Mostly from my own experience of being born totally deaf at birth and having to live in a hearing world. Being born with what some would perceive to be a disability certainly has its challenges. Many that were Asperger's in nature, simply because the stimulus that hearing people are quite accustomed to can be like an overload to an hearing impaired person.
Fortunately, for me a miracle happen that granted me 50% of a hearing ability. Nevertheless, my frame of reference is non-hearing. At one time I was terrified of being in a crowd or group setting. I learned to not take on the discomfort of others and to stop projecting my own critical voice upon others. I also learned that it was my responsiblity to educate others, when necessary to facilitate the communication process. Some people are inpatient, but I've found that most of these have issues anyway and like to hear themselves talk more than actually make it a two-way conversation. I also learn to excel on the gifts that I did possess due to the hearing loss, like reading body language and lips which in effect provided me the ability to actually hear and see a little better than those that have ears, but don't listen and people who have eyes, but don't see. But most of all, I learned to be grateful and to build upon what I did possess instead of focusing upon all the possible roadblocks that could keep me from fitting in just because I did not communicate or "hear" in the same way as the mainstream population did.
I can remember being given an IQ test when I was fairly young. The score was 85. Years later, I asked to be given the test one more time. The score was 138. The differences reflect what I believed at that time what others wanted me to believe about myself as a disabled person. When I came to the Lord, I found out that I had bought and sold myself on a lie and I operated on this for a long time in my personal relationships and the choices I was making. But God in His everlasting and abiding love showed me that I was so much more and had so much more to offered if I was willing to do the hard work necessary to come out of the fears that kept me in prison, away from people, and in isolation. Colleges have a vast array of disabled services that are available to not only enable you to further your education, but also to strengthen you as a person and enable you to share the gifts that God has given you, even in spite of your disabilities. Like I said, I don't know where you reside, but for the U.S.A., one can access this by making one phone call.
By no means was I intimating that these are not uncomfortable situations to place yourself in. I was only saying that isolation is not good for anyone and until you decide to do something different, then you will continue getting the same results. It's a risk and it's scary - but how are you doing right now. The things you say you want are good decent, God honoring things. It's just what are you willing to hold on to and what are you willing to risk in order to move out of Egypt, so to speak.
It's a huge step to be involved with the church you mentioned. Believe me, I really do know this. But at the same time your experience is not mine, but I do know what it's like to feel terrified, alone, rejected, and unloved just to mention a few feelings. So, all I'm saying is that I'm not trying to criticize you or discount you. I'm just attempting to give you another way of looking at things. Ultimately, it is and always have been your decision. It starts with you and it does end with you. RIGHT?
In a sense we all have stumblingblocks that holds us back from joining the human race and understand that it is because of Him that we do not have to be perfect, but we do have to be humble, obedient, and loving one towards another.
It takes courage, perseverence, and faith that we can do the necessary things to get the victory and let nothing stand in our way, including our own fears, in running the race and staying the course that God has set before us. We each have our own particular mountain to climb. All I know is that even with disabilitites, God uses them to mold us and to make us into what He would have us to be and to do. Some of us for a season just keeps us going around and around that mountain. But others do get tired of doing this and learn to climb and face the dragons along the way.
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guitarist63
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Posted: Tue May 15th, 2007 01:54 am |
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Thanks for your thoughtful suggestions, Tim. I'll have to respond more fully tomorrow as I am really burning the candle and have to be up again later this morning. Appreciate your insight.
I will try and get signed up with an online 10-step program that is Christ-focused. Any other, and I may be liable to get sucked into the addiction cycle again and I don't want to risk that.
Yes, I communicate in writing. I have been writing a book for the past seven years, along with other books.
Re. childhood descriptive essays - I have enjoyed a lot of those years and if it wasn't interesting, I wouldn't write about it, even if enjoyable. Thanks for your sensitive response. Much appreciate it.
Re Asperger, I was diagnosed twice last year - no doubt in the consultants minds. This condition can improve with age. An adult who has been diagnosed for the first time will have compensated for the disability by learning to use other parts of the brain to help those parts that are not functioning as a normal brain would function. What's normal? Difficult question. The symptoms vary considerably from one person to another so you'd hardly recognize it as the same thing. Noise hypersensitivity for example. If you saw an adult screaming his head off because a baby has started crying on a bus - that's not me. What I would do, until recently (until diagnosed) was to go up to the unfortunate mother and say quietly (but inappropriately) "Would you mind telling your child not to scream, please?" These days I wear ear plugs and avoid buses where there might be a screaming child.
Last edited on Wed Jun 27th, 2007 10:34 pm by guitarist63
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guitarist63
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Posted: Tue May 15th, 2007 01:55 am |
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Thanks, Crucified123
I would never have guessed that you were disabled. There is very little funding for adults with Asperger in the UK. I have contacted all the larger organisations - DANDA, National Autistic Society, Prospects. Remploy is closing its factory shortly. In the US of A I am sure that you are better provided for but then you all have to pay for your health whereas in the UK we have the National Health Service. My family are not rich and I am without funds except for what I get as a disabled person.
I am not isolated - I have a lot of interaction with my church. My time is very taken up. I am only isolated re. finding a sex anonymous group. I will try and find an online 10-step group that will offer some accountability. You and Tim have persuaded me.
Last edited on Wed Jun 27th, 2007 10:39 pm by guitarist63
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