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raVen
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Posted: Fri Mar 16th, 2007 05:00 pm |
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I have a question regarding what kind/type of porn cyber sex and webcam interaction and the ages involved.
I have been involved with a man for over 5 yrs now and about 2 and half yrs ago I discoved he was heavily involved in PORN ,CYBERESX. I was very upset and devastated that he was this way as I had no idea or saw no signs.
What concerned me alot at the time was that many of his MSN contacts were under 18 and 16 yrs of age. Many had webcams and many had sent him pictures. I know from text saved on comp that he knew the ages of these girls. I also found pictures that many had sent him. One girl has braces and had not yet fully formed breasts. I was so disturbed by this but at the time all of this was so ovewhelming and upsetting I could not even think straight. He had lots of adult type porn and contacts as well but the younger stuff disturbed me more. Sites like Barely Legal and sites of similar nature were book marked.
I had confronted him and he has now been in recovery the full two yrs and told me that the fact he had young ppl was just b/c he had no judgment when in his addiction ,NOT because thats what he liked or was into. To be fair he has not been involved with any Porn or computer activities as far I know. He has for the most part done it alone ,attending very few meetings and then getting a sponser but he only ever called them once. he does no reading or study and has just stopped the sex addiction activities.
Should I be concerned. I live in Canada and they are now arresting men just for interacting with a person under the age of 16 in an innapropriate manner online. Should I have turned him in at the time...?? I love him but I am sickened by him and I am so confused.
I am not sure where I should be posting this but I am desperate for an answer or an opinion.
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forthelord33
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Posted: Fri Mar 16th, 2007 10:11 pm |
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Hi,
Thanks for reaching out with your deep concerns. This is a safe place to explore such difficult issues.
After reading your posting, I was left with a few questions.
1) What is this man's relationship with Jesus Christ ? If he is not involved in regular support groups for porn addiction, is he in fellowship with other Christian men who hold each other accountable for all types of sinful behavior ?
2) How to you know that he is no longer looking at pornography on the computer ? Does he have access to a computer at work, as well as at home ? Do you have complete knowledge of the computers that he uses and access to them ? Would he consent to having someone examine his hard drive to determine that the computer is now clean ? Does he stare/leer at women in real life ? Does he have much more time for you over the past two years , since he has apparently not been looking at porn on the computer?
Take care and god bless,
Marc
Ongoing prayer is essential for the Lord's guidance
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raVen
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Posted: Sun Mar 18th, 2007 01:40 am |
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In answer to your questions
he says Jesus has saved him and that he is so thankful for having the relationship he has now and that without God/jesus he would not be free. he has gone off and on to S.A meetings but in the last 10 months only once. He has no other men he is in contact with at all. he has a sponser he never calls , he belongs to NO church or mens groups. he says he just needed God and to understand that he used the addiction to numb or not feel his feelings and that he can do that now with Gods help ...Face himself and his feelings
to answer your other questions .....> I am the only one who has a computer and he has no access to one at work. At home he uses it with supervision. I have the password to his e-mail account and he seldom uses the computer anyway. I have no way of knowing what other behaviours he may be engaging in. he says he is sober, so at this point I try to trust what he says.
I hate this and I feel sick all the time....this is an awful way to live.
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truthseeker
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Posted: Sun Mar 18th, 2007 03:22 am |
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Hi RaVen,
I am puzzled. He has been in recovery for two years, but I am getting the impression that something prompted you to post here, a more recent incident than you have mentioned thus far, some reason you are questioning his sobriety? Or are you seeking to understand how he seems to have recovered and moved on, but you are still haunted by it all?
Is his time reasonably accounted for? Has your communication and relationship as a couple grown deeper in the last two years? It is wise to trust your intuition, but if you have checked everything possible, and all seems truthful, have you searched your heart to know that you have completely forgiven him?
Did he just come to know the Lord during the crisis two years ago, or had he known the Lord for quite a while? It always concerns me when I hear that believers are isolated from a local fellowship, since iron sharpens iron, and growth, or even holding fast, is difficult in isolation.
Praying for you...
TruthSeeker
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raVen
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Posted: Sun Mar 18th, 2007 04:46 am |
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hi truthseeker
I can't say that he has done anything to make me doubt him.......it's more what he has not done seems to be unable or refuses to do.
"That" is act like he is in recovery. From day one he knew how devastated I was and how this had harmed me.
He then proceeded to be sober ( his words not mine) and yet never read....do any exercises ...he attended meetings sporadically and stopped for months at a time....he had a sponsor but never called him, This has gone on for over 2 yrs while I have given him endless amounts of literature , taken the Patrick Carnes books out of the library 3 times ( HE NEVER READ THEM ) sent his e-mail many links for help/recovery sites, told him about BLAZING GRACE ( where he made an ID and posted twice over a year ago) I have asked , begged , pleaded , bargained , given time frame ultimatums and done all the things a pathetic co-dependent does  .
I have no reason to stay; he has never done anything to make me think he is in recovery.
I had a nightmare (as many partners of addicts do for a long time) and it took me back to some of the stuff I had found, made me remember and when I started to really think about the stuff I had found (younger girls /under 18) and the fact that with exception to being sober he had done NOTHING about recovery and my woman’s intuition started to speak to me...
Not sure any of this makes sense I am so confused, lost and most of all exhausted
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