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Hawkeye
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Posted: Tue Mar 27th, 2007 04:56 am |
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TruthSeeker,
Thanks for the great article! I'm currently praying for God's guidance in what I should do, if anything. The last thing I want to do is make it seem like I'm "pushing" this on her. How I'd love for her to discover this on her own, but that's what the power of prayer is all about, right?
Thanks!
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truthseeker
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Posted: Tue Mar 27th, 2007 05:06 am |
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Hi HawkEye,
Yes, that is what prayer is for, and with your letter in the wings...
Praying for that some more...
TruthSeeker
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gaylon
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Posted: Tue Mar 27th, 2007 09:49 pm |
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Angelaseyes wrote: ....I wish my husband would do these things for me anyways! ...~Angela
What a poignant wish, at least it convicts me in my heart. I'm re-committing to doing those things for my wife (who, for the record is not pregnant ;-) )
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Billyeah
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Posted: Tue Mar 27th, 2007 10:06 pm |
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The other day I asked her a question.
Without being too graphic, there are products on the market aimed at stimulating the female libido. Nothing that should be taken orally, just apply to get the desired results. 
I asked her if she might be interested in trying such an item in the hopes it might spark her libido. 
Can I get a "NO!" for 100 Alex?
These are her concerns: "Its wierd, embarrasing, stupid, yuck, it's like a sex toy, like acting, dirty, just drop it! what are you doing on a site like that anyway?"
So a few hangups my wife does have. Anyone with any advice on this one? I thought it would be great. Help her, to help me, you know what I mean? *sigh*
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truthseeker
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Posted: Wed Mar 28th, 2007 03:48 am |
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Hi Billyeah,
First, even topical products can be absorbed through the skin and should be checked for use during pregnancy, though I realize this is not under consideration now. Second, does she not even seem open to what Angela described? If not, which sounds like it's the case, I am wondering if she received counselling since you have been in recovery. Perhaps she is having some issues about intimacy, either those she brought with her in to the marriage, or those she has not been able to relinquish during your recovery. Lastly, it could be spiritual rebellion as I experienced and Lysa Terkeurst describes in the article I linked to above.
One last thought, also trying not to be graphic, most women of child-bearing age are not difficult to gently and lovingly seduce physically, no products required, but the heart must first be willing. Unless there are physical things you understandably do not wish to discuss here, it is sounding more and more like a heart/faith/psychological issue to me. The question, then, would be, what is she running from? Why is she trying to avoid this aspect of your marriage relationship? What is the tug-of-war all about? It is not uncommon for women to be less interested in sex, but in a christian marriage, it should be uncommon for a wife not to be interested in her husband. Yes, this is the perfect world scenario, and I am a late-comer to this understanding myself, but if she can name any concrete factors that would aid her inclination, it would be so much more productive than just saying "leave me alone." If you had wanted to be alone, you wouldn't have gotten married. And, of course, if she has concerns about the effect on pregnancy, hopefully her doctor can help to alay them, but unless it is a high risk pregnancy, people have done it for eons throughout pregnancy.
Have you asked if there is anything you are or are not doing that would be a factor? Yes, this question makes you very vulnerable, but, if you haven't already asked it, put some armor around your heart and ask, then humbly consider her reply.
Praying some more...
TruthSeeker
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Suzi
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Posted: Wed Mar 28th, 2007 04:40 pm |
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Billyeah,
All I can say is "Amen" to what Truthseeker posted. I was trying to figure out how to say what she said... and now, I don't have to do it!
Yes, there are some physical changes that could make sex less appealing during pregnancy... but I am thinking there are more issues than just the physical.
I will be praying for you and the others in this circmstance.
Suzi
____________________
Psa 107:20 He sent his word, and healed them, and delivered them from their destructions.
Luke 6:46 And why call ye me, Lord, Lord, and do not the things which I say?
Psa 119:37 Turn away mine eyes from beholding vanity; and quicken thou me in thy way.
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Hawkeye
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Posted: Fri Mar 30th, 2007 04:51 am |
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Thank you again all for your comments and suggestions! I've taken them all to heart and am dutifully praying through each one. At this point, I've determined that the best course of action is for me to truly give this to God. I've seen God work miracles in circumstances that I thought would NEVER change. Don't forget, this is what God enjoys doing best...Is taking a situation that looks utterly hopeless and just waits until we finally say, "OK God, I give up. Teach me what I must learn...I can't do it anymore." Sometimes, it takes us men a while, but once we do this, THEN God will intercede. Right now, it's actually come as a surprise to me, but once I confessed all to my wife recently, she's become even MORE loving, with a renewed desire to please me and help me with whatever may come. This in turn makes me want to cherish her more than ever. A win-win for us both! PTL!
BillYeah, a suggestion perhaps. I'm not aware of your situation other than your postings in this thread, but I might suggest picking up a copy of "Every Man's Marriage" It's the follow-up to "Every Man's Battle", which I would HIGHLY recommend if you ever have or are currently struggling with porn addiction. Every Man's Marriage details the importance of and ways in which you can and should cherish your wife. You might find that if you demonstrate to your wife the man in you that only God can truly bring out in you as he changes your heart, this in turn will by god's grace soften hers.
Hope this helps, for it has certainly helped me.
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Suzi
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Posted: Tue Apr 17th, 2007 01:27 am |
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So Billyeah and Hawkeye,
As a typical woman and a grandmother, I am wondering how your wives are doing???? 
I can't remember (and the thread is really LONG!) when the due dates are....
But we ladies need a baby update!!!
How much longer? Do you know if it's a boy or girl?
Suzi
____________________
Psa 107:20 He sent his word, and healed them, and delivered them from their destructions.
Luke 6:46 And why call ye me, Lord, Lord, and do not the things which I say?
Psa 119:37 Turn away mine eyes from beholding vanity; and quicken thou me in thy way.
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Hawkeye
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Posted: Tue Apr 17th, 2007 08:13 am |
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Hi Suzi,
Well, to summerize the last month of having our lives flip-flop on us...Things are going GREAT for both of us! My wife is doing great with her pregnancy. She's halfway into her 2nd trimester, and packing our townhouse to move into our first home to boot! But in keeping with the thoughts of this thread, things have gone very well in all areas...I gave her the book "Every Heart Restored" recently after I confessed to her my porn addiction, and it REALLY opened her eyes to what I as a guy go through. It completely changed her throught process to realize that my body actually has a physical need to release every 72 hours or so. On the flip side of things, since I'm not constantly placing myself in a hyperactive sexual state every few days, strangely enough my need to release in a non-sinful fashion has decressed greatly. So to summerize, she's now much more willing to fulfill me and she totally realizes now that I'm not just trying to get a fix but really show my love, and now my drive has been turned way down. A win-win for everybody. :-D
God really has shown himself faithful through all of this...I've gained an all new respect for my wife. She has an ability to take what life gives her and turn it into something positive. I can't imagine one day without her.
Thanks to you all for all your prayers through this! I only hope that billyeah has had as much success as I have.
Oh, and before I forget, we're actually going to wait to find out the gender. We waited with our first child and loved it...It's the ultimate gift to us as parents. :-D That doesn't mean that we don't have names alread picked out. We've had those ready 2 days after we found out we were expecting. :-D Due date is August 31st.
God Bless
Last edited on Tue Apr 17th, 2007 08:17 am by Hawkeye
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truthseeker
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Posted: Tue Apr 17th, 2007 12:41 pm |
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Hi Hawkeye,
Praise God! What a joyous report! Thank you for sharing this encouraging victory of God's mighty working! And thanks to Suzi for asking.
TruthSeeker
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Billyeah
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Posted: Tue Apr 17th, 2007 06:33 pm |
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UPDATE:
My wife is doing great, you know as great as you can be with all the puking and headaches. No honestly she has been doing really well. Some days were harder on her than others but she is really taking it like a trooper.
The other day we heard the heartbeat for the first time....wow what a surreal experiance. It was so amazing. It makes it more real you know?
As for the marital relations thing....no change. Except maybe in me. I have really come to a point where I will just leave her alone when she is tired. It's the least I can do. She is making body parts, she is probably not lying when she says she is tired.
Things are going really well. Thanks to everyone for your encouragement.
God Bless
Bill
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truthseeker
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Posted: Tue Apr 17th, 2007 07:12 pm |
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Hi Billyeah,
The first heartbeat is awesome. The first movement will send the two of you higher still!
TruthSeeker
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Billyeah
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Posted: Fri Aug 3rd, 2007 03:52 pm |
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Wow you were right. It's one of those things that simply can't be explained. How can you love someone so much when you haven't even seen them before? It has gotten to the point here a few times where I can actually feel, "Ok that's a foot!"
It's amazing how much a person changes, or I should say God changes a person. We have had sex I think twice in the last 4 months. But you know what? I am over it. The last time we did she was so uncomfortable and the baby kept moving so I descided not to press the issue. And I am fine! I really am. Sometimes I miss it, but it has helped me in all aspects of purity in my life. I am very greatful for all your advice.
God Bless
Bill
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truthseeker
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Posted: Fri Aug 3rd, 2007 07:41 pm |
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Hi Bill,
Thanks for the update! I will never forget how incredible it was to feel a child move within me for the first time, and, (except for the rib kicking,) each time thereafter.
I have found in my life that yielding in obedience to Scripture brings abundance of joy.
TruthSeeker
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Billyeah
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Posted: Fri Sep 28th, 2007 05:54 pm |
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IT'S A GIRL!!!!
Wow what an amazing experiance. A beautiful exceedingly chubby little girl. 8lbs7ounce little girl. I am so happy words cannot discribe.
Interesting thing about it as well, I see this little girl. So innocent, and pure, and I realized, every girl, every person in the porn industry was once this little girl. She was once a little innocent child that someone has hurt. And us perverts hurt her more by watching her distroy her life one video at a time, for our own sick twisted pleasure.
Another revelation that I had was: This girl is a gift from God, and she was made in the image of God, and Satan wants her soul. I am her last line of defence against attacks from the prince of the power of the air, and I will not back down. How am I to defend this poor defenceless child if I am playing for the team I am trying to defend against?
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Seeking God
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Posted: Sat Sep 29th, 2007 02:54 am |
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Congratulation Bill,
Thank you for your insight too.
Praying for your new born child
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truthseeker
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Posted: Sun Sep 30th, 2007 01:33 am |
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Hi Bill,
Congratulations! What a big girl!
Yes, children do have an amazing way of putting things in their proper perspective.
TruthSeeker
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