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hurts
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| Joined: | Tue Jan 23rd, 2007 |
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| Posts: | 24 |
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Posted: Thu Feb 15th, 2007 04:37 pm |
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I'm giving up. I'm not quitting the marriage; I have too many other responsibilities to attend to. But, I am doing everything I can and nothing is working, so I am giving up and settling for a life of uncertainty, of completing my duties and withdrawing from trying to work on this. I have tried everything and I am getting nowhere. I have gotten over my anger, I am working on myself and our communication, and I am seeing nothing beneficial. My husbands last "episode" was when I was sick, and tending to sick children. I have been sick and hiding it all week for fear of his return to porn. The other night, he wanted intimacy and I gave in, even though I felt so sick. I felt better yesterday and optimistic about the holiday, and he refused me!
I take care of everything - the children, the house, the finances. I support him in the things he likes (like softball, surfing, etc.) and what he wants to be and accomplish. I am reading Every Man's Battle to gain understanding and insight. I worked hard with forgiveness to get over this so we could heal. I have taken his anger over me helping out the neighbor's little boy (daycare and being a MOm) because his mom left him, and taken the blame for that being a cause of our deteriorating marriage.
I have fed, cleaned house and done doctor's visits with his mother who is dying of cancer. His mother's dog is dying of cancer, too, and we just found out his father has cancer as well. I provide meals for them, sacrifice my time and energy to bring the kids to them when they need cheering up, I take them to doctor's visits, to work and from work sometimes, help clean their house, and provide releif and counsiling to my sister-in-law who also lives there (we have convinced her to move out to get a life of her own, only by promising more on my part.) To balance it out, I also try to give my parents time with my kids, and to help them take care of my ailiing grandparents.
I take care of everyone else when my husband is at work, as much as possible, so I can give him time and attention. Despite all this, I feel he does not want me or need me, other than to raise his children, clean his clothes and make a nice home-cooked meal every night. So, thanks for the support, but this isn't going to work out for me. I'm done.
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Bill
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| Joined: | Wed Jan 31st, 2007 |
| Location: | Mississippi USA |
| Posts: | 45 |
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Posted: Thu Feb 15th, 2007 05:27 pm |
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Hello Hurts,
I am so sorry for all you are going through. It sound to me life you are a real life hero that is not appreciated. I am praying for you and I wish I could take a little of the hurt away from you for a little while. I am also praying for your husband that he will open his eyes and see what he has and start to appreciate you.
Thanks for sharing. You're in Christ.
Billy
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hurts
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| Joined: | Tue Jan 23rd, 2007 |
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Posted: Thu Feb 15th, 2007 06:44 pm |
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I would like to make it clear that I an not without fault. I am far from perfect, but I try. I do these things for other people because I like to, because I truly care about them, because I would want someone to take care of me if I were in those situations. Anyone else would do the same, I am quite sure. I know that service without a willing heart is not really service and cheats out anyone involved, so I try to incorporate that thought when I do things. (I was concerned that some may read this and think otherwise; I do not do these things to be a martyr, or to receive any sort of award.) Yeah, I wish to be appreciated occassionally, however I do not expect recognition, or require it to do more for others.
I just feel about spent doing things for others, and I am done trying to work on a relationship that isn't going to change, for I feel it is a waste of my energy.
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truthseeker
Super Moderator
| Joined: | Tue May 16th, 2006 |
| Location: | New Jersey USA |
| Posts: | 796 |
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Posted: Fri Feb 16th, 2007 05:04 am |
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Hi Hurts,
I am sad to hear of the lack of progress, and wish I had some incredible words of wisdom for you. However, when I lack, (and even when I think I might have some,) I can ask the One who has all wisdom.
Praying for you...
TruthSeeker
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goldnugget
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| Joined: | Fri Jan 12th, 2007 |
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Posted: Sun Feb 18th, 2007 03:43 am |
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| i understand exactly what you are saying hurts. i am so sorry this has happened to you. i left my husband after the last time he brought a prostitute into my bed. i caught them together and the prostitute hit me in the face. i'm done too.
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Suzi
Member
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Posted: Tue Feb 20th, 2007 04:55 pm |
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My heart goes out to you.
I have felt the same way, very desperate, like there was no hope for my happiness in this life. It's not a good way to feel. I remember those days clearly.
I pray that God will give you some rays of hope.... That there will be a crack on the horizon that you can start to look toward and it will give you a spark of hope that can carry you to a better, happier place in your life.
Suzi
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Psa 107:20 He sent his word, and healed them, and delivered them from their destructions.
Luke 6:46 And why call ye me, Lord, Lord, and do not the things which I say?
Psa 119:37 Turn away mine eyes from beholding vanity; and quicken thou me in thy way.
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