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I am new to this forum, never used one, and I need advice. I am married to a heroine addict who was clean for awhile but is now back into it. I can't take it anymore. He doesn't bring home any money or pay any bills. He is very kind to me, but sometimes doesn't come home all night. He never tells me where he is going, I am disabled and don't have a car, am on disability and it is the only income we have. I want him to become a miracle but I don't see it happening. I am an enabler bad and have gone to Al-Anon, although I have my share of addictions. His addiction has become his best friend, not me. My mom died 6 weeks ago and my dad is moving away (he lives 3 miles from us) to California. I will be here all alone with only my husband and his crowd of addicts. I feel so alone and helpless because I can't afford to move and love him. I fear being alone. I am bi-polar and he DOES take care to make sure I eat, he cleans and cooks, but then won't come home all night saying he'll be home in 30 minutes, then no calls for 12 more hours. He nods out while talking to me and denies doing drugs. He blames me for his problems and last night I said this ship is sinking and he said "let it sink". Then apologized. I am scared to have no one around, stranded in Arizona alone. Help with some suggestions. I want a divorce but have no safety net or support system, except for my family who all live in Napa County, in California. I'm sick of his lies and inability to provide. What do I do? I'm low income and disadvantaged without a car. I'm full of fear of being without him, even though he does not contribute. Is anybody out there?
Thanks for replying to my discussion. I don't really have anyone to talk to. He has made a change for the better (in words so far) because I told him I was thinking about getting a divorce and he straightened up and went to voc rehab and his doctor. So, things are a little bit more hopeful today. I have cab vouchers and my dad is taking me shopping at Walmart for whatever I need (food, clothes, toiletries) so that will be fun. Thank God he is still here. He's moving soon, but I have to clean out his house first of EVERYTHING (sell or give away or dump). It's a lot of work. My husband is going to help me do this. So is my girlfriend. So it won't be so bad. I am going to medical transcription school online, so I am always busy doing my studies. It keeps me very focused and away from being depressed. I love school. Thanks again for your input. I will survive, thanks to God and my faith. I'm put on this earth for a reason, and I won't get despondent again, like I used to (being bi-polar and wanting to check out...that has passed). I'm doing good and am stable so the hardest thing in life right now is holding on to faith in my marriage. I still am. Time will tell...
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