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rom517mm
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| Joined: | Fri Feb 1st, 2008 |
| Location: | Texas USA |
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Posted: Sat Mar 1st, 2008 10:51 pm |
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I have not viewed pornography or sought out lust in weeks. Yet I have been getting sexual release with my wife (although it's only been about 1-2 times per week lately because of our schedules and body clocks). I think I have been pure of heart during our lovemaking (not fantasizing about other women, for example), but there are times when I focus on whether I'm sexually pleased. I do try to be sure she is being sexually pleased, but because of a few episodes I had a while back of not being able to perform (because she learned I was viewing pornography), I still have some anxiety about that inability to perform recurring, so I am extra focused on making sure I can (part of the reason is, I guess, so that she doesn't think I'm finding sexual release elsewhere). Perhaps I need to be so lost in her that everything just happens naturally. She has said in the past that she wants me to look in her eyes more during (I guess some times I don't because I'm too focused on how I'm feeling). And maybe I need to ask her if she truly feels loved when we're making love, and if she truly believes there's a deep connection between us.
Your experiences, thoughts, and prayers on this matter?
____________________
"Since by the one man's trespass, death reigned through that one man, how much more will those who receive the overflow of grace and the gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man, Jesus Christ." (Rom. 5:17)
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bil4913
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Posted: Mon Mar 3rd, 2008 02:44 am |
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You are in recovery from the impact of porn on your mind and its impact on her and her trust. It'll take a while for sex to become the natural expression it can be.
Have an honest conversation with your wife. Ask her how your sexual interactions are for her.
And be patient. Recovering porn addicts like you and I have to relearn to be sexually connected without it being selfish, self-serving or and attempt to escape from uncomfortable feelings.
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rom517mm
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Posted: Tue Mar 4th, 2008 07:19 pm |
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| Thank you, Bil. I do have to get into the habit of thinking less about my pleasure and focus more on my wife. I'm thankful I can truly start thinking in those terms, since I realize more fully than ever what happens when I'm too selfish.
____________________
"Since by the one man's trespass, death reigned through that one man, how much more will those who receive the overflow of grace and the gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man, Jesus Christ." (Rom. 5:17)
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Journey
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Posted: Wed Mar 12th, 2008 01:55 pm |
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Just a suggestion---my husband and I have been married for 20 years and only just recently have started having meaningful communication in the area of sex. Something helpful for us is, at some point after making love, to ask each other "How was that for you?" It's hard to do, because there's the fear that the other person is going to tell you that it wasn't so great. But for myself as the wife, I feel very loved when my husband asks me later how it was for me, and lets me tell the truth without getting defensive or devastated.
Journey
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rom517mm
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Posted: Wed Mar 12th, 2008 07:20 pm |
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Journey,
You are right. Both partners are very emotionally vulnerable right after lovemaking, so it can be difficult to deal with such a question. But as long as each person shows their love and assurance outside the bedroom, that should help mitigate any bad feelings.
____________________
"Since by the one man's trespass, death reigned through that one man, how much more will those who receive the overflow of grace and the gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man, Jesus Christ." (Rom. 5:17)
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