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SAHMOM
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Posted: Thu Jul 12th, 2007 01:34 am |
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| I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions about how to handle fetishes. My husband and I have been married for almost 7 years-- about a year ago he told me about a fetish he had. He is a Christian and is actively trying to turn away from all sexual sin and I am trying to do what I can to help. Is there anything I can do? Is it okay for me (being his wife) to indulge him with his fetish or is it wrong no matter what? I'm not entirely comfortable doing it, but I want to help him and I don't have as much trouble with it as I used to.
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truthseeker
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Posted: Thu Jul 12th, 2007 05:10 am |
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Hi SAHMOM,
No personal wisdom/experience, but I came across this article a while back that may be of help.
What is Not Okay in Bed?
By Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus
TruthSeeker
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SAHMOM
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Posted: Fri Jul 13th, 2007 12:40 am |
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| Thanks for the article-- it did help some. If anyone has any other comments, I welcome them.
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truthseeker
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Posted: Fri Jul 13th, 2007 04:20 am |
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Hi SAHMOM,
Others may be experiencing the same perplexity as I in discussing your question. It is, understandably, vague, which makes it difficult to discuss in concrete terms. On the other hand, I appreciate your discretion, as we try not to be too explicit, as it could cause temptation for someone early in recovery.
I guess the best I can do is to say that if it does not fall in the range of inappropriate as the article defined it, and the Holy Spirit is not warning you away from it, if you are not being coersed in any way, and are giving out of love, I would hope that there might not be harm in proceeding. That you are hesitant enough to bring the question here, though, could be the Holy Spirit.
Guess that was really helpful. :-)
Sorry, but it is the best I can do.
TruthSeeker
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Steve
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Posted: Sat Jul 14th, 2007 12:07 am |
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SAHMOM wrote: I'm not entirely comfortable doing it, Well then, without knowing all the details, your husband, if he is truly loving and caring for you and your needs, should understand and back off. Have you two discussed this? And what has been the crux of the discussion(s)?
You say he is "actively trying to turn away from all sexual sin." Notwithstanding the question of whether his fetish is sinful or harmful, is he working on exploring the deeper issues that drive him towards this fetish? It might be a good idea.
I look forward to your reply. Be encouraged!
-Steve
____________________
"Isolation is bad for any man, but for the sexual addict it is fatal." -Russell Willingham
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SAHMOM
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Posted: Sat Jul 14th, 2007 04:26 am |
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Actually, my husband is more than understanding about my hesitation. He wants me to be comfortable in everything we do-- it's more a matter of me not wanting to withhold any part of myself from him. I know it's something that he struggles with and I want to help him-- but not if it's against God (and neither does he). We both have questions regarding this issue-- but for now, we're in agreement that we will try and focus on other ways to enjoy each other. There are no other people involved, and nothing else that is outright sinful about his fetish. I wonder if it's more an issue of me relaxing and being completely vulnerable and trusting him.
We have talked about the reasons that might be behind his fetish (which began before puberty) and haven't really reached any conclusions. He has always made clear to me that I am the focus of any and all fantasies whether they involve his fetish or not. And that my participation has always caused the fetish to be stronger than with anyone before we met. Before we got married and started having children, I would sometimes unknowingly participate in his fetish, but in the years since, I rarely do. And especially since finding out about it, I am more uncomfortable doing it than I was back then. But a lot of that has to do with my difficulty separating my "fun and spontaneous" side with my "responsible, serious, mommy" side. That's why I'm trying to figure out if this is something I need to try and become more relaxed about or if it's something that is displeasing to God, and my husband needs to work to turn away from completely. Either way, I want to help him.
Thank you for your comments-- they have been helpful.
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