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Buff21780
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| Joined: | Sat May 5th, 2007 |
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| Posts: | 3 |
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Posted: Sat May 5th, 2007 03:02 pm |
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i, everyone!! My name is Todd. Right now I am currently going through a lot of marital problems with my wife because of my porn addiction. I think that I turn to pornography to help relieve me from my daily stresses. I feel that I am a hardworking man since I work two full time jobs each and every day, I average between 80-90 hours per week.
Now, I don't turn to porn every day, it comes and goes. On average I look at porn maybe once a month. But I try and hide it from my wife so that it won't make her more upset. See how our schedules work is that I see her sometimes in the passing of going to my second job. She usually gets home between 4 and 4:15 in the afternoon. Well, she has caught me again, I was on the computer that is in our room and she was just getting home from work and I was on the computer and she knew that I was on there looking at porn. I tried to cover it up by saying I was just looking at houses (since we are moving in August), but I wasn't.
She can tell by the look at my face when I am lying, since I am not very good at hiding things. Not that I want to hide things from her anyway. After we argued about it for a while, I ended up telling her the truth... Now when she knows that I have been doing this she becomes really upset and usually says that she is going to end our marriage.
By no means do I want my marriage to end because of my problem, but she feels that since I am bringing her down and defaming her by looking at prettier women that I am ruining her confidence within herself. Honestly, I don't look at these sites to make her upset, I think it stems from the fact that we have a 16 month old baby boy and we have a baby on the way that is due in August. I think if we were able to resolve our intimacy problem this would help me overcome my addiction. Anyone that has any suggestions on ways to overcome these issues, please advise. I am willing to go and get help and try and to make my marriage better for the both of us!!
Thanks,
Todd
Last edited on Sun May 6th, 2007 01:02 am by truthseeker
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truthseeker
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| Joined: | Tue May 16th, 2006 |
| Location: | New Jersey USA |
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Posted: Sun May 6th, 2007 01:46 am |
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Hi Buff21780,
I had to edit your above post because it contained specific references to websites that could be stumbling blocks for our members who are struggling, but committed, to recovery.
Who is saying that the women you are looking at are prettier than your wife? You, or her? If it is her, that makes sense, as why else would you look if she were adequate? Not true, but that is how it makes women feel. If you, then there is an additional problem to the porn, probably one of many. I trust that you are reading the articles on the BG homepage. Intimacy issues are no excuse for unfaithfulness. And I can guarantee you that she will have no inclination to even talk about intimacy issues as long as your eyes are cheating on her. Also, are you saying that you never had viewed porn until these intimacy issues occurred? I'm guessing not, which is evidence that the two are not related.
It sounds like your wife is also working? If so, is the cost of living in your area such that three fulltime jobs are necessary for survival? Could some more frugal financial planning make it possible for the job that most robs your time together to be left? If they are all necessary in order to put food on the table, I understand. If it is to cover wants, not just needs, the two of you may need to consider whether things are more important than one another. Most women cannot connect on an emotional level with someone they hardly get to talk to, and if they don't feel that emotional connection, physical intimacy is unlikely to occur readily. If you haven't had time to talk with her, about feelings, not just how the baby is, hold her hand, do something fun together, you are not connecting emotionally. Also, of course, there is the exhaustion that results from having a toddler and being pregnant. If things were ok at one time, from your perspective, can you identify anything which might have occurred around the time things went down hill? What does she have to say about it? Is it a problem to her at all?
This website has an abundance of articles about growing a healthy marriage, and includes some on how men and women view things differently.
http://www.growthtrac.com
These are just things you might want to think about, perhaps even some that your wife has expressed, but hopefully, coming from a total stranger, you will se that it is not only she who believes them.
Praying for you...
TruthSeeker
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