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russell.j.green
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Posted: Wed Feb 14th, 2007 12:46 am |
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Hello,
My name is Russell. For the last 23 years, I've been addicted to pornography. Saying that is very hard for me to accept. Being addicted to something. For the last several years, I've tried to overcome this addiction, but have failed. I became part of a church group hoping that would change things but it still kept coming back. Everywhere I turn there it is. Being in the military really doesn't help either. There are times when I'm away from my family for months at a time. Even today, I looked at porn. It seems that when I want to change; something pops up and I'm down again. There are times when I want to tell my wife everything, but the fear of how she'll respond always keeps me from telling her. At times when I do speak to her about it, she's hurt and it just kills me inside. I feel that I'm the problem. I feel that there's something wrong with me. I wonder how can God love me if I'm this way. I've read some of the articles on the website and I'm blown away. I look at it and see my life posted on display for the whole world to see. I've told the brothers of my group that pornography is a big problem in my life. But, sometimes I feel that they really don't want to help at all. So, I continue on my own. I know that this is the wrong approach. In every article that I've read, it talks about total reliance on God and truly giving your life over to Him. His Grace is something I deeply desire. But I reject it because I know the kind of person that I am. I pray that today is a new day for me. Thanks.
____________________
Colossians 3:23 -Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward.
Russell
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boundanddetermined
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Posted: Wed Feb 14th, 2007 06:31 am |
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left blank
Last edited on Wed Feb 14th, 2007 09:03 pm by boundanddetermined
____________________
~Jeanelle
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truthseeker
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Posted: Wed Feb 14th, 2007 11:26 am |
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Hi Russell,
I am so glad that you have found this site, seeking support to fight this monster. I hope that you will meditate on this passage:
1 Tim. 1:15-6 "Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came in to the world to save sinners-- of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display His unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life." (NIV)
I'm sure you recall that Paul was responsible for persecuting and killing believers, perhaps even involved in the conspiracy that put Jesus on the cross. As Romans says, there is nothing that can separate you from the love of God. Also in Romans, Paul describes himself as wretched, and shares that he struggles to do the good he wants to do, and not to do the evil he does not want to do. Breaking out of isolation is such a key step, and I'm glad you are taking it. Be assured that you are not alone, and that you are beloved by Jesus.
Jeanelle, I would urge you to share any beneficial hints that have helped you and your husband with the forums at large, so all may benefit.
Praying for you...
TruthSeeker
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TimM
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Posted: Wed Feb 14th, 2007 01:59 pm |
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Russell,
Welcome! Writing what you've written is a big step. Congratulations.
Obviously lots of us relate to your struggle. Making progress against this addiction is hard work, and it requires honesty with ourselves and with other people. For me, that means sharing honestly with my wife, counseling, 12-step meetings (on-line and face-to-face), really looking inside myself and really working the steps, and developing a new relationship with God. All of this is hard, and it's got to be especially hard if you're deployed, but the rewards are fantastic.
Jeanelle,
I wrote an obnoxious reply to you originally. I'm sorry. For future generations, let me try now to say what I should have said yesterday.
It's probably appropriate to be cautious about inviting addicts to get involved in e-mail or PM conversations, especially early in recovery. Many of us addicts have engaged in emotional affairs or in cyber-sex or in physical affairs that started on the net. All of us are available to be tempted. Conversations that seem natural and harmless to you - and that should be natural and harmless for us - can easily turn for us into triggers for emotional fantasizing or for acting out over the net, not necessarily with you but also with others.
Many addicts who make use of the net for recovery find that it's important to us to limit as completely as possible the sort of private correspondence you're proposing to Russell. I wonder if it might not be appropriate and possible to find a way to communicate with him that doesn't put the two of you alone together. For many of us addicts (and probably just for many people) engaging in what can easily turn into very personal sharing in private with someone other than our spouse can very quickly lead us places that are not good for our recovery.
Just a thought, but one based on some experience of exactly how electronic communications can both help and hurt us.
And thank you for reaching out. We are an unlovable lot at best, and your willingness to try to help is really to be commended.
Tim M.
Last edited on Thu Feb 15th, 2007 05:23 pm by
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Bill
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Posted: Wed Feb 14th, 2007 03:02 pm |
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Hello Russell,
Thanks for coming on here and sharing with us. We are just one big family with a common goal. That is to be free from our addiction to porn and masterbation. In the last 2 weeks this has been a life saver for me (literally). I was at the very end of my rope with nowhere to turn. The Lord guided me to this site and saved my life.
Anyway, we are all here for you and each other. One will fall but if we stand together and stand with God nothing can keep us from our goal.
Thank you so much for serving our great country. I was in the military during the 60s so I now what it is like to be away from home. I am praying for you as you serve us and for your family while they wait at home for you.
May God bless you and keep you safe,
Billy
Day 16 Thank you Jord
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boundanddetermined
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Posted: Wed Feb 14th, 2007 07:33 pm |
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| I was not thinking about all that, so I am sorry! I was trying to help russell get connected with my husband who is also a porn addict...sorry for oversteppign my bountries!
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~Jeanelle
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russell.j.green
Member
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Posted: Wed Feb 14th, 2007 09:21 pm |
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Guys and Gal,
I appreciate so much the letters of encouragement and scripture. You've really helped me to see that there is hope out there. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I look forward to sharing, encouraging, crying, and laughing with you in our walk together. I know that we can get over this addiction together and by staying in contact with one another. Again, Thank you. For the longest time, I've had this over my head. When I first came to devoting my life to God, I thought things were going to get easier. Boy was I wrong. Things just got harder and more difficult. I would try to hide my emotions but, eventually, everything would come to a head. I would not only bring myself down, but I would bring my family down with me. I felt that if I'm not happy no one could be happy. You're words have given me strength to try harder and to let God take the wheel for the first time. Just trusting that He knows the best way for me. It's hard though, knowing that I'm not in control. I pray that we grow closer as we walk together in this battle. And that one day, we'll be in Heaven seeing each other for the first time knowing that we helped each other make it. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Talk to you soon.
russell
____________________
Colossians 3:23 -Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward.
Russell
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TimM
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Posted: Wed Feb 14th, 2007 09:36 pm |
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Russell,
It is hard not to be in control, and it's hard to show emotions when we've been taught all our lives not to. There's freedom and hope there, though. Glad you're here.
Jeanelle,
I probably came on too strong, too, so I'm sorry. There's just a lot of ways we SAs manage to mess up with computers, and just like Billy Graham always mae it a rule never to meet alone with a woman, it's always better to be cautious. I hope I didn't mess up getting Russell and your husband together; I know you mean well.
Tim M.
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truthseeker
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Posted: Wed Feb 14th, 2007 09:54 pm |
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Hi Russell,
Satan is like that. As long as we are passive in the quicksand of his sin/lies, we sink ever so slowly, but as soon as we start fighting, especially alone, the pressure intensifies exponentially. He does not want to lose us, does not want us to be free enough to be a positive impact on the Kingdom.
Praying for you and your wife...
TruthSeeker (gal) :-)
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gaylon
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Posted: Thu Feb 15th, 2007 01:53 am |
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ditto to all the good stuff posted.
Russell - call it 40 years for me.... The first weeks,and maybe months, were pure h*ll for me, and I think others would echo that sentiment, but there's hope, and it does (slowly) get easier with time and effort.
Here's my 2 bits:
1) Tell your wife all, to whatever level of detail she wants to hear. ALL of it...
2) in addition to others' comments, get Mike's book and go through it carefully, and read all the scriptures, and pray over it http://www.roadtograce.com.
3) Get competent Christian counseling (someone who has a strong track record of success with sexual addictions).
At least these have been some of the biggest helps for me.
And, know that I (and we) am praying for you... You can do it through Christ...
--- Gaylon V.
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APR
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Posted: Sat Feb 17th, 2007 12:09 pm |
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A late welcome Russell!
I hope you are doing well,
God Bless!
Art
____________________
I am the way and truth and the life.
No one comes to the Father except through Me.
-John 14:6
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guitarist63
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Posted: Thu Feb 22nd, 2007 12:14 am |
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Welcome, Russell. I am sure you'll be greatly helped here. I don't want to preach but I find some lines from the stirring hymns come to mind when I hear of struggling christians (like myself) who can't understand how God can still love them. The first one I'd like to mention is Charles Wesley's O For A Thousand Tongues to sing, the line reading (4th verse) "His blood can make the foulest clean..." The second one is another Charles Wesley hymn, "And Can It Be that I should gain..." First two lines of the first verse, "And can it be that I should gain an interest in the Saviour's blood?" You'll probably know as many or more than I do. I hope this encourages you.
Last edited on Sat Mar 22nd, 2008 11:47 pm by guitarist63
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