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Determined
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| Joined: | Sun Feb 11th, 2007 |
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Posted: Sun Feb 11th, 2007 08:34 pm |
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Hello everyone,
I am a 20-year old female college student. Jesus Christ is my personal Lord and Savior.I have been struggling with pornography for about 3 years, and masturbation about 8 years. People talk about pornography openly nowadays, but masturbation still seems off the topic. I felt like the only girl who looked at pornography and acted out.
I had been passing by the Blazing Grace billboard for awhile (I see it like everyday returning to school), but I acted like it didn't affect me. The billboard out on Nevada actually became a topic in my English course. Some of my peers said the billboard wasn't to help those with pornography addiction, but instead get ppl. to come join a church. When I got back to my apartment I was eager to know the truth about the site, so I typed in blazinggrace.com and sure enough it was for a church in Ohio. I think Satan was trying to discourage me from finding help, but his plan didn't work too long. So here I am...
Well masturbation was something I just discovered as a teenager. I thought since it was just me it wasn't sin. As I got older, The Word of God started to convict me, but only to slow down how many times I would do it. When I got into college I was really serious about turning away from it all together. But I discovered pornography and that just added fuel to the fire. Whenever my roomates went home for the weekend I would get these urges to look at porn and act out sexually. Now that we have our own rooms, I just lock the door and turn out the lights. I don't search for porn on the internet, instead I download videos from where I download msuic. After watching them I become really paranoid and I delete it and make sure it can't be traced back on my computer anywhere. I call myself being careful, it's like I have some secret life, well kind of.
I haven't looked at porn or had self-sex in about a two weeks. That's not a record because I usually go w/o it for about a month or two. It's weird because most of the time I don't crave porn unless Im home alone for the weekend. Satan tells me I am a "loser" and "unpretty" and that's why I need porn, but I'm overcoming those lies with The Word.
Well I hope this website is my first step to getting help. Eventually, I would like an accountability partner and maybe attend a group.
Sorry this is so long, I have never shared this with anyone before.
Thank you all.
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henny
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| Joined: | Mon Nov 27th, 2006 |
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Posted: Mon Feb 12th, 2007 01:12 am |
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Determined,
God Bless you for sharing your story with us. I am a 55 year old male sex addict and I want to assure you that you are okay. We all have things we are struggling with. But God is really, truly able to help. Stepping out and bringing the problem of this sin into the light is the first step towards recovery.
Don't be too hard on yourself as you fight for freedom. This didn't happen over night and it won't be conquered in one night either. But, don't be surprised when you find yourself "bumping" into people with the same difficulties. God has a way of bringing his children together for love and support.
We will be praying for you.
Matt
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TimM
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Posted: Mon Feb 12th, 2007 01:31 am |
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Determined,
Welcome! Coming here and writing that sort of thing about yourself is a big step. Good work.
I hope you do continue to reach out and to seek help from others. Addiction is a disease of isolation, and we can't beat isolation alone. For me, counseling and 12-step groups, which let me look inside myself and break down the walls I have built up to separate myself from God, from other people, and from myself have been essential in my recovery. Things like that might be important for you to look into as time goes along.
For now, though, welcome. Coming here is a big step, and admitting a problem takes especial courage for women in what's often seen as a man's affliction.
Glad you're here, and I wish you well.
Tim M.
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Bill
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| Joined: | Wed Jan 31st, 2007 |
| Location: | Mississippi USA |
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Posted: Mon Feb 12th, 2007 03:06 pm |
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Good morning Determined
Thank you for coming on this site and posting. Like someone else said earlyer. I have always considered this to be a man's problem. I know I should have known better.
Anyway, I am so proud of you for having the courage to confront your problem so early in life. I am 60 years old and have been doing it since I was about 13 or 14. I would also do like you. I would look at porn and masterbate then I would delete all the dirty pictures and say I will never do it again. Sometimes within an hour I would be looking again. I was so paranoid and selfconscious that I would just want to crawl in a hole a die. But even with those thought I would be right back at it in no time. I wish with all my heart that I had been as courageous and determined as you are.
I found this site about 2 weeks ago. It has truly been a blessing for me. I have gone two weeks without looking at porn and masterbating. I think I was without a doubt at the end of my rope when I found it. There are a lot of good people on this site. Right now they are the only accountability partners that I have, but everyone here are like family to me and even though I don't know anyone personally I do not want to disappoint them.
Thanks again for your courage and committment to have a better life with Jesus Christ. We are all praying for you and we all need everyone's prayers constantly.
Yours in Christ,
Billy
Two weeks clean today. THANK YOU JESUS
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Barb
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Posted: Mon Feb 12th, 2007 05:36 pm |
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FYI-The anti -porn billboard on Colorado Springs website reads:
http://www.blazinggrace.org NOT http://www.blazinggrace.com
Barb
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