| Author | Post |
|---|
BrokenDiva
Guest
| Joined: | |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: |  |
|
Posted: Thu Jun 8th, 2006 02:57 am |
|
Broken Diva~~~ Alberta Canada
I was glad to find this site and also that there was a forum here. I am not sure how others feel but finding a place where you can relate to ppl in similar situations is not so easy for the partners of addicts or former addicts ( if that term is even current I am not sure )
1 year 10 months less 9 days .... since my discovery that my b/f of 3 yrs was not who I thought he was. He was involved in porn , cyber cam and phone sex with more women than I could even track... I opened his msn one day and was surprised to see he was still signed in and although I knew it was dishonest I checked his list and to my dismay ppl started to message to him ( who was actualy me ) offering to cyber...send pics ect...I played along to find out what was going on and not only did these women know him and details of his life...they knew my name...women who engaged in this sick behaviour, shared their bodies on webcam called him for phone sex and knew he was attached as well as were attached themselves...knew my name. How could he involve me in this filth..how could he violate me this way..??
Can anyone know what this does to a woman, to find this out about her partner, the man she has let touch her , who she has shared her body, her mind given him love , understanding, shared her life, laughed with him, cried with him,held him close as we slept... did everything she could to make him feel secure , feel good feel safe and happy , and then she finds out he goes online to masturbate to with other women and not only does he share that he has a signifigant other .....he tells them my name....how signifigant do I feel now....
1 yr and 10 months less 9 days since my world collapsed and a part of me just died. I know alot of you reading this are involved in this behaviour, and many are now in recovery.....either way do any of you truley know that if you were/are married or have a committed partner what you have done ..?? Can you ever really know how you have destroyed a part of us..??
|
Steve
Super Moderator
| Joined: | Tue May 3rd, 2005 |
| Location: | Colorado USA |
| Posts: | 550 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: |   |
|
Posted: Thu Jun 8th, 2006 06:51 pm |
|
Greetings and welcome to the forum.
Just a few questions:
- Are you still involved in a relationship with him?
- If so, what is the quality of your relationship?
On a more growth and healing focused note:
- With regards to your own growth and healing, what kinds of lessons have you been faced with in view of your experience?
- What do you still need to work on and/or improve upon?
All the best,
Steve
____________________
"Isolation is bad for any man, but for the sexual addict it is fatal." -Russell Willingham
|
BrokenDiva
Guest
| Joined: | |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Fri Jun 9th, 2006 12:53 am |
|
thanks for your reply.....in answer to your questions, yes I have stayed in the relationship. I was so devastated at the time and we were not living together ,married or had any children...I could have easily walked away....but I chose to stay because honestly he was the love of my life...i had been married before and had other relationships but with him...I was just crazy for him but now even though he is sober and attending S.A ...I just cannot get over the past...he hurt me to much...I am just to insecure and terrified and I am making his life miserable with my tears and in ability to be close again....
The quality of our relationship...hmmm well if I could be ok things would be great...as soon as I discovered this mess he started seeing a PHd therapist and started to attend S.A meetings...he acts like a born again christian now , saying how free he is..how relieved he is and how he is learning to love himself...*sigh* he feels better ...I feel worse. He is very remorseful and just wants to start a new life...but I still feel shell shocked...hung up on the betrayal ( even tho it was all comp related) I just feel heartsick all the time
My growth and healing....*big sigh* lessons..?? well i had some trust issues before , I have never had a man I could count on or trust including my dad who was an alchoholic and left the family in my teens. I feel like I was to vain and this taught me a lesson...I always used my looks to get what I wanted...control men a bit I suppose...so maybe this was GODS way of knocking me down a peg or two...?? but that said i don't think I am doing so well with my healing ...there seems to be limited support for my side...everyone and their dog wants to help the addict...books groups...it's endless....I tried s-anon but there were just women who had left the addict.....and no one wanted to talk about my issues really...it was all about stuff I did not relate to ...well it just did not help me
what I need to work on ..?? rage temper..does not help I am Irish ...but oh my...I am so angry, so angry that he could do this ..that I did not know....that he would choose anyone else when he had someone who looked like me....ya...RAGE one of my biggest demons
ok....this is to long sorry...
thanks again for the reply
Broken~~~Diva
|
Current time is 11:45 am | |
|
|
|
RSS