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MGH
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| Joined: | Mon May 19th, 2008 |
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Posted: Wed Jul 2nd, 2008 10:34 pm |
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I'm new here and wanted to introduce myself. I've been a Christian for many years. I was raised in a Christian home, and I am married to a Christian woman and have two young children. However, I have struggled with internet porn for many years. Worst of all, its gay porn that I struggle with. I must have repented 1000 times, but each time I return to my vomit. Honestly, I worry that I am lost because one cannot continue in deliberate sin and be saved.
I don't look gay or act gay, but I must admit that I think that I have always considered myself deficient in masculinity. I was never good at sports. I wasn't tough. I love my wife, and enjoy sex with her. Honestly, I'm not so sure that the fact that the porn is gay is all that significant. I think that I have simply conditioned myself to respond to certain images, just as others have conditioned themselves to respond to many other types of sick and perverted images.
I have read a number of books on sexual addiction. However, the one element that is always mentioned in these books, and has always been missing from my fight has been accountability. I have kept this to myself, and I have never felt that I could share it with anyone face-to-face. Therefore, the main thing that I would like to get from this forum is accountability. Sometime soon I intend to start a thread on the accountability forum, and I pledge to you, my fellow brothers in Christ, to be honest and always report when I have failed. I will tell you now that I have failed today and looked at some horrible things online. Please pray for me.
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sam
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| Joined: | Mon Oct 22nd, 2007 |
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Posted: Thu Jul 3rd, 2008 01:07 pm |
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welcome mgh,
you have made a wonderful first step in beating your addiction by joining us here.
i am interested in your testimony if you don't mind. do you have a pin pointed time when you completely gave your life to god and repented of your sins? when you placed your faith in christ? the reason i am asking is that "the evil one" uses trickery to try and make us ineffective in the body of christ by getting us to doubt our salvation. it does not matter what particular sin you struggle with, whether it be sexual sin, greed, anger or whatever. sin is sin and it is our human eyes that see it in different degrees of "badness" if you will. god sees all sin the same. if you ever placed your life in god's hands by really meaning your repentance and truly trusting that christ's death on the cross paid the price for your sins, then my brother, you are saved. nothing can take you from god. no, not even your desire to look at gay porn.
you can 100% count on me to be in prayer for you. may god bless you greatly!
your sister in christ ,
sam
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MGH
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Posted: Thu Jul 3rd, 2008 01:57 pm |
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Thanks Sam! Yes I can definitely pinpoint the time of my salvation. It's Hebrews 10:26 that bothers me the most: "For if we sin wilfully after that we have received the knowledge of the truth, there remaineth no more sacrifice for sins."
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Wilderness Voice
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| Joined: | Fri Jul 6th, 2007 |
| Location: | Arkansas USA |
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Posted: Thu Jul 3rd, 2008 02:51 pm |
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MGH:
There is an excellent discussion on the topic of brokeness and repentance in the believers life at: the 6/23/08 podcast (can be played on-line)
http://www.purelifeministries.org/podcast
Read My Testimony in this Introduction section. It is a bit similar to yours.
I think many Christians should be bothered by that scripture. It does mean exactly what it says. At what point a person actually crosses that line - really knows the truth and defies it - is a matter of God knowing the person's heart. But at the same time - God is not mocked. I believe when we sin over and over endlessly, we are basically given over to a reprobate mind and do not hear the word of God properly anymore. Mostly because we stand as an utterly condemned prisoner in bondage, not obedient, not walking in the spirit, and having returned to the vomit. Judgment weighs heavily over us and we intuitively know it.
The only way out is brokeness and repentance. Jesus will bring the freedom to those who truly turn from their wickedness and humbly seek His face. There is great hope and there is real freedom. It does truly exist outside of working up the feeling of salvation in the midst of being a reprobate. We are not forced to live under the dominion of sin once our wills are cleansed and aligned with God. We have to meekly seek God for the grace to remove from our heart the love of sin. If we no longer love it, it has no power at all. Sin only has power over those who find it pleasureable. And that pleasure in unrighteousness will absolutely deceive a person. They are in danger, and perhaps really are, strongly deluded.
I was all of those things.
Wilderness Voice
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MGH
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Posted: Thu Jul 3rd, 2008 04:40 pm |
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| Wilderness Voice, thank you for the link. I will listen to those podcasts. I have read your testimony and found it to be inspiring. Unlike many Christians, I do not come from a "once saved, always saved background." I don't want to start a theological debate on here, but I think that it is possible for a Christian to lose his salvation. However, I think (hope/pray) that it is possible to turn to the Lord in genuine repentance and be restored. Hebrews 10:26 tends to make it seem that repentance and restoration are not possible once one has fallen into sin. However, many other areas of the New Testament suggest that restoration is possible. I don't think that I have been given over to a reprobate mind. If I were, then I don't think that I would here. I don't think that I would be seeking genuine repentance. If we are truly seeking the Lord and the path of obediance, then surely we have hope.
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sam
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| Joined: | Mon Oct 22nd, 2007 |
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Posted: Thu Jul 3rd, 2008 04:59 pm |
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mgh, i am like you, i don't want to get in the middle of a huge theological debate, but i do say that i firmly believe that if you are really and truly saved, that it is never taken back by god. it is a free gift. have you ever been given a gift by a loving parent only to have it snatched back from you for not behaving perfectly at all times? no, at least that is not the way things should be. however, god, like the great parent he is, disciplines his children. we are not free from the consequences of sin. on the day of judgment there will be many who cry out to him that are not going to be allowed into heaven. i think it is possible to have an "encounter" with god and not place your trust in him. he gives everyone the chance to be made right in him, it is up to us whether or not we chose to follow. many people think that by gracing a pew every sunday and "acting" like a good christian is enough to get you there... they are in for a very horrible reality. only you and god knows if you are saved or not, i just wanted to reassure you that we all struggle with sin. no one is perfect. the sins i struggle with today are not the ones i had to deal with when i first gave my life to christ. i am changing and growing, but will never be free of sin until my final day is over in the flesh.
anyway, i always took that scripture to mean those who reject the gospel. hmm.. i will study it a bit further when time permits.
sam
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