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KevinesKay
Member
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Posted: Wed Oct 31st, 2007 07:09 am |
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Hello, everyone;
Thanks to all of you that make this site possible. I like it. My background consists of about 12 years in 12-step recovery for sex addiction. I was a chronic relapser for most of that time. I have received 3 years of sobriety from my bottom-line behaviors last August. My focus is not about how sober I am, but rather how am I making my life work. Last year, I got married and I have a cute baby girl. My new wife hated the fact that I was going to the meetings so I quit for her. They made her feel bad. I miss the meetings and my friends, so I like the idea of bringing my challenges to this site. Well.. gotta go, but I'll be back.
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truthseeker
Super Moderator
| Joined: | Tue May 16th, 2006 |
| Location: | New Jersey USA |
| Posts: | 846 |
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| Mana: |    |
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Posted: Wed Oct 31st, 2007 10:45 am |
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Hi KevinesKay,
Welcome to BG. I hope that the fellowship is sufficient for your needs.
I am puzzled somewhat by your wife's perspective. There are so many wives here who long for their husbands to break isolation and fellowship with an accountability group. It is immensely better to the alternative. Of course, since she probably did not know you before, she probably does not grasp the whole picture, and pride, perhaps, keeps her from wanting to think of you in that light, even as your past. There are actual online meetings, which you may find links for by searching this site.
Congratulations on your beautiful little daughter.
TruthSeeker
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forthelord47
Member
| Joined: | Sat Apr 7th, 2007 |
| Location: | USA |
| Posts: | 43 |
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Posted: Wed Oct 31st, 2007 11:04 pm |
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Truthseeker,
This is just my opinion but for many people, 12 step groups become a "pseudo" family of sorts. They sometimes become the cornerstone of someone's social circle. Depending on how many meetings one attends and the travel time, the meetings can be quite time consuming and leave a new wife and mother feeling isolated and possibly neglected. Now, I understand that a sex addict that is actively engaged in addictive behavior will chew up much more time and be much more problematic to his spouse. But, if someone is in recovery for many years and has made a new life for themselves, outside of the 12-step group, then it seems appropriate to wean themselves from their dependency on the group for friendship and support and lean on more natural supports such as their spouse, church brother's or maybe the online groups if needed. I personally feel that 12-step groups are critically important for many addicts but should be a "means to an end" and not a lifelong social club. I encourage anyone to comment on this as we have much to learn from each other about this topic.
God bless,
Marc
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KevinesKay
Member
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Posted: Sat Nov 3rd, 2007 08:58 am |
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It is amazing how God challenges us to continually come out of our comfort zone. There was a time when surrendering my priviledge to have sex was the most painful thing imaginable. But during that process, I was finally able to see outside of that perspective and know the pain I was causing.
If someone were to say that I would be married with a baby two years ago, I would have thought that to be impossible. But the process of coming out of my addiction and my selfishness allowed me to see what women truly want (which, by the way, is not sex). It's funny how the more selfish I am in relationships, the more they blow up in my face. Putting away the "magic" lady in my fantasies and embracing the real one in my life has been a rewarding experience
I know that my wife cannot bear the pain of the sex addict label that I have identified for so long. I would not have been able to go from step one of my recovery to where I am right now in one move. God continually nudges me to move along and learn and experience and grow and surrender. I was finally just learning to enjoy my own singleness and celibacy. But to stay stagnant in one spot in my life only seems to stunt my own growth and ability for God to shape and mold me into more of His likeness.
As I'm reading this, I believe that my words are just too general to truly describe every thing that I've learned in these past few years. But hopefully, I'll be able to share more bits and pieces as I go along.
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