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Seeking God
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| Joined: | Wed Aug 15th, 2007 |
| Location: | Jakarta, Indonesia |
| Posts: | 220 |
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Posted: Thu Aug 16th, 2007 04:21 am |
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Hi All,
I'm Glad to find this forum. I've been praying to find a place that will help me in my battles against sexual sins. I live in Indonesia (south asia), where it's hard to find groups like SAA, or anything alike. I'm a christian in my youth, but at 9, I found my father's porn magazine began to masturbate, at 17, I have a sexual relationship with my ex-girlfriend, but we broke up after a series of betrayal and counter betrayal. I always wanted to be free from sexual sins, so when someone offered me to study the Bible, I gladly accept and I'm baptized in 2001 into a church that have a high standard of purity, and quickly become one of the group leader.
The problem started after 3 months after being baptized, I fall to my old sexual sins, I began to see porn again and masturbate afterwards, and feel really2 awful. I confess to my pastor and several of my best friends, but keep going in circles (after 2 mo's or 1 mo's and now it's going worse, now, only 3 weeks or 2 weeks) and once fallen I tend to fall even deeper.
Once in 2006, I went to a new massage parlor (the board says it's a 'family' massage parlor) but the one that give me a massage is a young woman!, I'm supposed to say no, I'm supposed to flee the moment my purity is threatened, but I just say to myself, It's gonna be OK, the moment it's dangerous, I'm gonna say no, but the reality is far different, although I don't have sex with the woman (she implicitly asked if I want to - for extra charges), I'm still bothered with the thoughts of going to that massage parlor until now.
One month later ( or is it? ) I don't quite remember, Satan has used that experience to tempt me to go to dirty massage parlor, and I compromised by going instead to a clean one (what I thought), the one who gave me a massage is an old lady, but with impure thoughts in my mind, and lust flaming in my heart, when she massaged my thigh area, I spilled my sperm. I should've flee, when her massage aroused me, I should of say no, and stop her, instead I tried to use my will power...
Now, I work at my Family's factory, I have a computer with internet on my desk, please help me to stay pure, 5 days ago I fell again in porn and masturbation and 3 days ago I surfed the net and saw some porn, I felt really guilty, and compromised my purity again and again, I want to quit my group leadership in the church, and felt stupid. I really2 hope that I will be accountable in this forum too.
Anyhow, that's me. Please feel free to give me input.
Last edited on Tue Oct 23rd, 2007 11:04 am by Seeking God
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atlien
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| Joined: | Thu Jul 26th, 2007 |
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Posted: Thu Aug 16th, 2007 12:24 pm |
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God bless you, Seeking_God, for your openness and soft heart. I will pray for you and your church.
atlien
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Seeking God
Member
| Joined: | Wed Aug 15th, 2007 |
| Location: | Jakarta, Indonesia |
| Posts: | 220 |
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Posted: Tue Oct 23rd, 2007 11:07 am |
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I've added something here...
Sorry for not mentioning it in the first time...
Please forgive me...
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