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Roxy40
Member
| Joined: | Wed Oct 5th, 2005 |
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| Posts: | 5 |
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| Mana: |  |
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Posted: Sun Oct 23rd, 2005 08:51 pm |
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Hi I'm new here.I have posted a couple of times.I have been married to a military man for 14 years and he has been looking at porn for the entire part of our marrage.I know the websites he goes to and passwords.I have told him time and time again that he needed to choose between me or the porn.He keeps telling me that it is no big deal and that every man does it.I don't want a divorce.I took my vows to stand by him for better or for worse.I have two daughters 6 and 3 and I don't know what to do anymore.I have forgave him through gods help.I don't understand why he looks at these pictures of lust.I have no self a steem left.I don't feel like I mesure up to his standards anymore.Does anyone have advice on how to make him relize that he has a problem.I'm so tired of yelling at him over this.I have kept this secret for 14 years.I cant tell anyone in my family they wouldent believe me anyway.I'm not close with my family.They adore my husband though.They think he is perfect.....Thank you anyone that listens........Take care and God Bless....Roxanne.
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mike
Administrator
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Posted: Mon Oct 24th, 2005 06:03 pm |
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>I have told him time and time again that he needed to choose between me or the porn.He keeps telling me that it is no big deal and that every man does it.I don't want a divorce.
It sounds like he's not getting it that what he's doing is committing emotional (and, if he's masturbating, physical adultery) on you.
He needs to choose between you and porn, and it sounds like he's choosing porn. You mentioned in your post that you have "no self esteem left." He's treating you like trash and steamrolling your emotions, so this isn't surprising. You want his heart but he's giving his heart to looking at pornography, so your needs are secondary... if that. That's not a marriage, it's abuse.
You can't make him realize what he's doing is wrong, but you can firmly show him you won't take it anymore and allow yourself to be devalued this way.
I would say to consider telling him you are drawing a line in the sand and will separate from him if he doesn't seek help. Set a date, and do what you say you will do. Separation is an alternative to divorce. By doing nothing you will continue to enable him, but by standing firm in your value as God's daughter, it will force him to face the fact that he can't have you and the adultery of porn.
I know this is a major step, so I'd encourage you to pray first and seek God's will in the matter.
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Steve
Super Moderator
| Joined: | Tue May 3rd, 2005 |
| Location: | Colorado USA |
| Posts: | 550 |
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Posted: Tue Nov 8th, 2005 03:03 am |
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Roxy, I just read your post and Mike's message, and I echo all of his input to you.
Do you care to give us an update?
How are things going?
-Steve
____________________
"Isolation is bad for any man, but for the sexual addict it is fatal." -Russell Willingham
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