| Author | Post |
|---|
Steve
Super Moderator
| Joined: | Tue May 3rd, 2005 |
| Location: | Colorado USA |
| Posts: | 550 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: |    |
|
Posted: Thu May 5th, 2005 02:46 pm |
|
Alright, here's my recommended SA reading list:
1) Sex, Men & God by Doug Weiss (A good starter book about various aspects of SA)
2) Every Man's Battle by Stephen Arterburn (Very relevant and encouraging book. I think they make the recovery process sound a little too simplistic and easy, but it has loads on nuggets!)
3) "The White Book' by Sexaholics Anonymous (A very "soulful" and spiritual book. A 'must have' book to put on the bookshelf!)
4) Wild at Heart by John Eldredge (Eldredge covers all sorts of deep male issues. A 'must read' for those who want to work on the deeper issues of why we turn to addictions.)
Any thoughts or comments on any of these books? GO FOR IT!
-Steve
Last edited on Thu May 5th, 2005 02:47 pm by Steve
____________________
"Isolation is bad for any man, but for the sexual addict it is fatal." -Russell Willingham
|
Agape
Member
| Joined: | Wed May 25th, 2005 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 2 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Thu May 26th, 2005 01:03 am |
|
I've read "Every Man's Battle".....it helped for about a month and a half, then a business trip knocked me off the horse. The book was very good, but as you said, it really made it seem easier than it is.....It was so easy in the beginning, and I guess I assumed it would remain that way, but Satan know exactly how to push our buttons to disobey God.
Now, I seem to be able to go a week or week and a half, then I break. I try not to get discouraged because I know that it truly is a war....I have to focus on one battle at a time and hopefully God will help me to win the war.
|
Steve
Super Moderator
| Joined: | Tue May 3rd, 2005 |
| Location: | Colorado USA |
| Posts: | 550 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Thu May 26th, 2005 04:17 am |
|
Agape, I appreciate your sharing. Oh and welcome to the web site! 
For the sake of conversation (and perhaps to encourage you), I've got a few questions:
- Are you in any kind of recovery/support group? (It's so important that you're not isolated!)
- Do you have a counselor/therapist whom you're working with to resolve the "deeper issues" of your sexual acting out?
- What was the "biggest thing" you got out of Every Man's Battle?
Be encouraged, my friend! YOU CAN BEAT THIS! 
-SteveLast edited on Thu May 26th, 2005 04:17 am by Steve
____________________
"Isolation is bad for any man, but for the sexual addict it is fatal." -Russell Willingham
|
lia
Member
| Joined: | Mon Aug 1st, 2005 |
| Location: | New Zealand |
| Posts: | 15 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Mon Aug 1st, 2005 02:49 pm |
|
Hi, Steve
The books seem to be for men, would you know of any books for women?
Ta, Lia
|
Steve
Super Moderator
| Joined: | Tue May 3rd, 2005 |
| Location: | Colorado USA |
| Posts: | 550 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Mon Aug 1st, 2005 09:45 pm |
|
Hi Lia. I must admit, much of my focus has been working with men struggling with sexual addictions, not to say that women don't struggle with this issue as well.
Anyway, to that end, I don't know of any good reading lists for female sex addicts. I would say the "White Book" by Sexaholics Anonymous would still be a helpful, as it isn't necessarily focused towards men alone. I'm sure there has got to be some good resources out there!
-Steve
____________________
"Isolation is bad for any man, but for the sexual addict it is fatal." -Russell Willingham
|
Agape
Member
| Joined: | Wed May 25th, 2005 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 2 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Wed Oct 19th, 2005 03:07 am |
|
Okay...so i've now been battling this masturbation/pornography/lust thing for several months. It seems that about once a week or once every two weeks I get seriously tempted. I tried to have my wife enable the parental controls on my computer, because really without the ability to see pornography, things will be much easier, but I was unable to use websites that I need for work. It wouldn't allow me to login to any site at all.
My first question is....does anybody know of a software program that will only send my wife emails of my internet usage and computer activity as opposed to blocking most of my web abilities?
Steve, to answer your questions, ever since I really understood how my lust and sexual sins were affecting my relationship with God and my wife, I 've been meeting with the youth pastor at my church. We meet almost weekly. He's been through much of the same past that I have, so it has been easier to talk to him. I'm extremely active in the church with Awanas, teaching children's church, hosting Bible Studies, etc. Well, now i've been asked to be the program director for a six-week program by Max Lucado for the entire church! I really can't let any of this sexual sin come between the work I have to do for God.
Most of my battles now are with the images that are burned into my memory from the past. I'll be sitting at work and all of a sudden an image of some pornographic movie will pop into my head. Sometimes it's certain smells that remind me of the women i've had immoral relations with. I know that Satan is using those images to come between me and God. I know that thing that never got my motor running before, now tempt me. It's extremely frustrating, but I know with God's help I can beat this.
I know that God has big things for me to do for His Kingdom, in addition to keeping my children from the curse of generational sin....I just have to find the ways to keep myself as free from this burden as possible. If that means putting up walls to keep me from falling...sobeit. I apologize that this post should probably be in the General Discussion area, but I wanted to answer your post.
|
mike
Administrator
|
Posted: Wed Oct 19th, 2005 06:59 pm |
|
>does anybody know of a software program that will only send my wife emails of my internet usage and computer activity as opposed to blocking most of my web abilities?
Yes, Covenant Eyes: http://www.cvnt.net/?promocode=blazinggrace
|
mike
Administrator
|
Posted: Wed Oct 19th, 2005 07:02 pm |
|
>Most of my battles now are with the images that are burned into my memory from the past. I'll be sitting at work and all of a sudden an image of some pornographic movie will pop into my head. Sometimes it's certain smells that remind me of the women i've had immoral relations with. I know that Satan is using those images to come between me and God. I know that thing that never got my motor running before, now tempt me. It's extremely frustrating, but I know with God's help I can beat this.
How to deal with these thoughts is discussed in Winning the War in the Mind:
http://www.blazinggrace.org/warinthemind.htm
and yes, with God's power you can do away with these thoughts...
|
blonderachie
Member
| Joined: | Wed Oct 12th, 2005 |
| Location: | Tucson, Arizona USA |
| Posts: | 25 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Thu Oct 20th, 2005 11:22 pm |
|
| Agape, I also use Covenant Eyes on my computer at home and my husband has it at work. There is nothing like knowing that your spouse and other accountability partners are going to see EVERYTHING you have been looking at. I also suggest requesting that you want your accountability partner(s) to get the report weekly. This way you can't get away with it for a month before getting caught. This has been great for both me and my husband. It is well worth the $7 per month. We have had it for 5-6 weeks now. Rachel
|
captivated
Member
| Joined: | Thu Oct 20th, 2005 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 417 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Fri Oct 21st, 2005 02:47 am |
|
Hi, lia!
Although I am not an expert on the issue, I have had many temptations as a woman as well as some sexual struggles. I have always been amazed at how much God loves us and wants to bless us more than we even realize! When I have asked Him to lead me to a book to help me with various issues, He answers in amazing ways.....just try asking Him. My personal recommendations for you to begin with would be:
1. The portions of "Sex, Men, and God" which apply to both sexes, such as with the topic of masturbation.
2. "Captivating" by John and Staci Elderidge, which is the feminine counterpart to "Wild at Heart" by John Elderidge. When we as women realize How much the King of the universe loves us and longs to know us deeply.....and how He is able to satisfy our every feminine longing, something beautiful happens within our hearts! Then all other temptations seem to diminish in their power to rule and consume us within His embrace, where we can be so satisfied and filled! Ask Him to show you and expect that He will.
I will pray for you, lia.
Captivated
|
Soulja
Member
| Joined: | Thu Oct 13th, 2005 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 11 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Sat Oct 22nd, 2005 03:59 pm |
|
For the ladies, My wife read "Everywoman's Battle" and said it was good. FYI
____________________
Psalm 51:10
Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
|
matt
Member
| Joined: | Mon Oct 3rd, 2005 |
| Location: | Ohio |
| Posts: | 171 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Wed Nov 30th, 2005 05:29 pm |
|
| I've read three of the four recommended, but have yet to read the first one. The other three have had an amazing impact on my life and would recommend them to anyone.
____________________
In faith there is enough light for those who want to believe and enough shadows to blind those who don't.
-Blaise Pascal
|
Steve
Super Moderator
| Joined: | Tue May 3rd, 2005 |
| Location: | Colorado USA |
| Posts: | 550 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Thu Dec 1st, 2005 09:41 pm |
|
There's another endorsement folks! (See Matt's reply above.)
Judge for yourself obviously, but I dare say you can find good stuff in all of those books.
-Steve
____________________
"Isolation is bad for any man, but for the sexual addict it is fatal." -Russell Willingham
|
matt
Member
| Joined: | Mon Oct 3rd, 2005 |
| Location: | Ohio |
| Posts: | 171 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Thu Dec 1st, 2005 09:49 pm |
|
Hey Steve,
Have you read "Out of the Shadows" by Patrick Carnes or "False Intimacy" by Harry Schaumburg? Both of these are amazingly insightful books as well.
____________________
In faith there is enough light for those who want to believe and enough shadows to blind those who don't.
-Blaise Pascal
|
captivated
Member
| Joined: | Thu Oct 20th, 2005 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 417 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Thu Dec 1st, 2005 09:58 pm |
|
Just wondering, do you think "False Intimacy" would be helpful for the spouse of someone struggling with intimacy issues in this?
captivated
|
Steve
Super Moderator
| Joined: | Tue May 3rd, 2005 |
| Location: | Colorado USA |
| Posts: | 550 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Thu Dec 1st, 2005 11:58 pm |
|
Matt, I've read Out of the Shadows and while I won't not recommend it, I thought it was way too basic and really didn't give a lot of practical tips and ideas to help your typical male sex addict. Also, he really didn't talk a lot about some of the basic stuff that an average male experiences with pornography addiction. Carnes does deserve lots of credit though, for his was the first major book that covered sexual addiction in general.
As for False Intimacy by Harry Schaumburg, I've never read it but I've only heard good things about it. The term "false intimacy" in itself tells me it's probably a good one. That's what pornography addiction and sexual addiction is all about.
-Steve
Last edited on Thu Dec 1st, 2005 11:58 pm by Steve
____________________
"Isolation is bad for any man, but for the sexual addict it is fatal." -Russell Willingham
|
Quentin
Member
| Joined: | Wed Nov 16th, 2005 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 25 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Fri Dec 2nd, 2005 12:33 pm |
|
I started reading "Breaking Free" last night. Just the Foward, intro, and first chapter were great.
I never gave credit to my past until recently. Being exposed to pornography so young, and also having emotionally withdrawn parents.
I look very foward to continuing the journey through this book.
|
matt
Member
| Joined: | Mon Oct 3rd, 2005 |
| Location: | Ohio |
| Posts: | 171 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Fri Dec 2nd, 2005 01:37 pm |
|
Q,
That has been something very difficult for me to deal with. I never wanted to give the credit to my parents for screwing up my life, plus I'm an adult and make my own decisions. I have learned that its not their fault that I'm an addict, but they did play a role. They cultivated an environment that was condusive to creating an addict. I have two brothers, neither of whom are addicts, that I know of, although they do have other issues, so it couldn't have been entirely my parents fault. Part of it also, was how I chose to deal with pain in my life. I chose to medicate.
Just realizing that my parents, and my past played a role in my addiction, was a difficult barrier to cross.
____________________
In faith there is enough light for those who want to believe and enough shadows to blind those who don't.
-Blaise Pascal
|
Quentin
Member
| Joined: | Wed Nov 16th, 2005 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 25 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Fri Dec 2nd, 2005 07:13 pm |
|
Matt,
yeah same here....my parents have been very good parents. They've done a lot for me, and did so many things right that have really developed who I am today.
But they were never there emotionally I guess. But as I think about what little I know of their family history, and how they cope with things even now.....I see that was how they were raised too. They've both made a huge difference in how we were raised compared to the way they were raised....for the better.
|
Quentin
Member
| Joined: | Wed Nov 16th, 2005 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 25 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Fri Dec 2nd, 2005 07:15 pm |
|
Captivated maybe you can answer me on this one....or anyone who can.
I want to read a book that covers healing for the spouse of the addict. Its difficult for me to understand all that my ex-fiance is feeling at times. And its hit and miss guesses at trying to make things at all better.
Thanks a lot.
- David
|
Current time is 09:57 am | Page: 1 2   |
|
RSS