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Bill
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| Joined: | Wed Jan 31st, 2007 |
| Location: | Mississippi USA |
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Posted: Tue Apr 10th, 2007 03:58 pm |
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Good morning my friends.
I just want to say again how much I appreciate this forum. It has truly been a life saver for me. As I have said on several occasions, "this is the only accountability partner I have." I have told you how afraid I am to tell my wife. How I don't want to hurt her. How she has no idea about my P & M addiction. I know she is a very strong woman and I feel sure that we can work through this. It's just that I am so ashamed of myself for all of this. I think the hardest thing for her will be that I have been living a lie with her for 34 years. I do love her with all of my heart and I think that she knows it. We have gone through some rough times during our marriage. I had an affair with a younger woman in our small neighborhood and church and she was the last one to know about it. That was 23 years ago. She stayed with me through that but she said that she made a discision that she did not have to have me and that she could live without me but that she loved me and I was the only one she wanted to be with. About 8 years ago she also caught me talking about sex to a woman on the phone but she forgave me of that also. I am just afraid that she will soon run out of forgiveness for me. When we got married I was 26 and she was 17. I am the only man that she has ever known. There is not a doubt in my mind that she has been faithfull to me. Everyone said that it would never work but it has.
I joined Blazing Grace the first of Feb. The last time I looked at porm and masterbated was the last of Jan. I said a while back that since I have gone so long without it that maybe I can beat this without tell her. I know that is not an option. I know that I have got to tell her and I think the time is right for that. I made up my mind to talk to her about this a week ago but something always seams to come up. Our middle son lives with us and he does shift work. He is on graveyard shift now and so he is at home until about 9 every night. Our youngest son is getting married in May and that is taking up all of her spare time now. So please pray for me that I will make a time for this. I just wonder if it would be best if I wait until after the wedding.
IT'S TIME
Billy
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truthseeker
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| Joined: | Tue May 16th, 2006 |
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Posted: Tue Apr 10th, 2007 05:04 pm |
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Hi Bill,
What a courageous decision! Yes, humanly speaking it may be better to wait until after the wedding, but pray, as your brothers and sisters here will, and let the Holy Spirit guide you in this.
Praying for both of you, your wisdom, and her receptivity...
TruthSeeker
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gaylon
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| Joined: | Wed Oct 4th, 2006 |
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Posted: Tue Apr 10th, 2007 11:42 pm |
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Good for you! There really is no "good" time to tell her, since it will be a wrenching experience for you both, no matter what. However, you've got to make taking time with her your #1 priority for months to come, even if it means offending other family members, or spending less time with children, or taking on less responsibilities outside of work and marriage. We basically told our children (all grown, as I gather is the same for you) "sorry, you can't come over tonight", or "don't knock on the bedroom door when it's closed", or, "we'll be gone all day, so you'll have to cook for yourself", or whatever.
I have a prayer in my heart for you both, since I've been there, and it ain't fun. But, it's good, in a healing sort of way, and can be the beginning of a new relationship, if God is put at the center of it...
Go for it! and God go with you,
--- Gaylon V.
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Suzi
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Posted: Wed Apr 11th, 2007 04:42 am |
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Bill,
I admire your desire to be honest with your wife. I know my trek back to "trusting" my husband would be a lot easier if he had chosen to be honest with me instead of the truth always coming out some other way.
I can remember a youth pastor who once told all his kids NOT to tell their parents when they repented and became believers, trusting in the Lord. He told the kids... "I would rather have your parents come to me and say... what has gotten into Joey/Sara? They are SO different!" See? It's your LIFE that is going to be the proof she needs, not just your words.
Well, don't take that to mean you shouldn't confess, but I say, give this relationship ALL you have in you... so she can look at you and say.. "WOW"... With this foundation already being established (re-established?), and your being sensitive to the leading of the Spirit for the timing, I am hopeful that by seeing the RESULTS, it will make her response to your confession carry more grace. No promises, of course! But from a wife's POV, I don't see how it can hurt!
Suzi
____________________
Psa 107:20 He sent his word, and healed them, and delivered them from their destructions.
Luke 6:46 And why call ye me, Lord, Lord, and do not the things which I say?
Psa 119:37 Turn away mine eyes from beholding vanity; and quicken thou me in thy way.
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guitarist63
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Posted: Wed Apr 11th, 2007 07:41 pm |
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Dear Bill, with a family wedding happening in the near future, it would be wise to speak to your wife afterwards which looks like some time in May. Praying the Lord guides you as to the timing and pray that your wife is understanding. Blessings, Stephen
Last edited on Wed Apr 11th, 2007 07:42 pm by guitarist63
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Bill
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Posted: Sun May 20th, 2007 02:26 pm |
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Hello, will, i'm back again.
The wedding is over. It was really nice. I was his best man and our other two sons were groomsmen. It was really great to stand before God and all of our friends while Randy and Kelli became husband and wife.
I have still not looked at porn or masturbated since late Jan. (over 3 1/2 months)
THANK YOU LORD JESUS!!!!
And I have not talked to my wife yet. I will soon so please keep me in your prayers.
I will keep you up to date on it.
Thanks for being here for me.
Your friend in Christ
Billy
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guitarist63
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Posted: Sun May 20th, 2007 03:14 pm |
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No p & m for three and a half months is a great achievement, Bill. You're streets ahead of me and I'll pray you continue that record of being clean. I pray your timing will be right to tell your wife. Seek the Lord, seek His Word for an answer. Stephen
Last edited on Sun May 20th, 2007 10:39 pm by guitarist63
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Bill
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Posted: Thu Jun 7th, 2007 08:39 pm |
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Hello my friends,
Just an update,
well, it has been over 4 months since my last mess up. THANK YOU LORD JESUS FOR THAT.
I still have not told my wife. The wedding went fine.
I did take a big step this past Monday. Back in Feb. we had a bible study at our church. A pastor from a nieghboring church taught it. Monday I called him and ask if I could come see him. He told me to come right on up. I told him about my SA and how I had been involved in it since my early teen years. That was the hardest thing I have ever done. He is the first and only person I have ever told that I have a Problem. He is now my accountability partner. He said that as far as counseling he has a good pastor friend that does counseling. He said that he was not sure about him doing SA counseling, but that if he didn't he was sure he could get me in contact with someone that can help me. That has really been a load off my sholders.
My wife and I are going on vacation tomorrow. We will be gone for about 10 days. So I won't be on here for a while. Please continue to pray for me as I pray for ya'll.
Thanks for everything
LYB/M
Billy
Last edited on Thu Jun 7th, 2007 08:39 pm by Bill
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Tears4Us
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Posted: Thu Jun 7th, 2007 10:02 pm |
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Bill
Your making all the right steps. I am proud of you for talking to a Pastor on this matter, that is definitely a step in the right direction. I also understand how hard it is going to be to come clean with your wife, but you know as well as I that you will sooner or later have to do it. I think once you do you will find a new found freedom from your addiction.
When my husband came clean with me he said it was the hardest thing he had ever done, and yet the best thing he ever did. He said the weight was lifted off of him at that very moment. I asked him once why he ever told me, I mean he could have cleaned up and I would have never known how bad it really was. He said that he read in the Bible that if he had offended that he was to go to the person he offended and then come before God. I think he got that from
If you are offering your gift at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.
Matthew 5.23-24
I told him in reference to this verse that I did know but I did not know how bad it was, his reply was "God knew."
Yes, I was hurt, but it has in a since made our marriage stronger. He no longer has the burden of keeping the secret and it opened doors for better communication for us. Does he still struggle? Yes, but he know he can pick up the phone and call me and ask me to pray for him, he also has the support of many other men in his group. My reply to him in a letter three days after him coming clean was this ....
Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted. Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.
Galatians 6:1-2
And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.
Ephesians 4:32
Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also [do] ye. And above all these things [put on] charity, which is the bond of perfectness.
Colossians 3:12-14
"If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times in a day returns to you saying, "I repent", you shall forgive him"
Luke 17:3-4
You are in my prayers and your wife is in my prayers. I pray that what Satan meant for harm is turned to good so it can bring Glory to God........God bless you....
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guitarist63
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Posted: Thu Jun 7th, 2007 10:22 pm |
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Tears4Us has made such an excellent reply, Bill, I don't have much to add except to say that God bless you while your away with your wife for ten days and may the Lord guide you concerning the appointed time for disclosure. It's great news indeed to hear that your pastor is helping you to find accountability. I have an accountability partner also and now I have to quit or else! Guitarist63 (Stephen)
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