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Journey
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| Joined: | Mon Jul 16th, 2007 |
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Posted: Mon Jan 21st, 2008 10:27 am |
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I would like to ask for prayer, I am going through a hard time and it feels like my body is crying out for relief in the form of going back to the fantasy, looking for innapropriate pictures, or masturbation. I just want to confess this and ask for prayer as I learn to submit this all to God. I had a dream last night about an old boyfriend and we were spending time together. When I woke the temptation of course is to keep thinking about it, I already know where that will lead. I was able to get up and read some scripture and turn it over to God.
But I feel like I am very vulnerable and emotionally drained because of the circumstances right now at our church and some hard things we've worked through in our marriage lately. And I know that in this state I am a prime target for the enemy.
While I have had long periods of freedom from the above sins, I don't know if I have ever made it through a really tough, depressing time without falling. This will be the first. I feel so weak, Jesus in me please be strong. God please show me yourself and how much better you can satisfy me.
So please pray for me when you read this.
Journey
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sam
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| Joined: | Mon Oct 22nd, 2007 |
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Posted: Mon Jan 21st, 2008 11:23 am |
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hi journey,
i am so sorry for the issues you face now. considering that i am not being successful with my own issues, i am unable to give any helpful suggestions. i can however, assure you that i will be in prayer for you and your specific needs. sorry that i am unable to do more.
in christ,
sam
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Journey
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Posted: Mon Jan 21st, 2008 12:09 pm |
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Thanks, sam, your prayers mean alot. And I know you can identify, so you can pray with empathy. That's sometimes better than advice.
My theology says that only God can satisfy truly and purely and transformingly. I have had a little experience of that, but overwhelmingly my experience is that I feel better in the addiction. So I wait here feeling empty right now and very weak. I also feel discouraged because I don't know that having sex with my husband is really any different, if the problem is in me and I am addicted (using something to meet needs in my own heart that only God can truly meet), but if I think of it that way, I feel guilty after sex with my husband as well. Not sure that's helpful.
I believe with my head that God wants to satisfy me and give me better things. Also that He loves me right where I'm at.
Pray that I will wait on Him and not try to take control thinking I can fix this, like I mentioned in an earlier post.
Also pray about a group for me. I have a call in to a church that has a Celebrate Recovery group. I am skeptical of finding a safe place, but the one staff person at our church that I could talk to about this has taken a sabbatical and is not available anymore. I do think that finding a safe place with face to face people for love, encouragement, and accountability is key for me.
Journey
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sam
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Posted: Mon Jan 21st, 2008 12:30 pm |
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i agree that god is the only one who can satisfy.
i have felt guilty after sex with my h because i know i am being selfish. i am not using sex as god intends it. it is easier for me to turn a blind eye to this though. i don't like the reality that i have a problem.
i have been giving into m quite a bit lately and just recently gave in to looking at something i shouldn't. right at the moment, i feel very sick inside. weepy, disappointed, etc. i am thinking about looking for an accountability group myself, but i just don't think i can make that leap of telling people face to face. i have tried everything i can think of but that and still fail. maybe it would be the right thing for me too. scared though.
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Journey
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Posted: Mon Jan 21st, 2008 12:51 pm |
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Yes, that "leap" of talking to someone face to face is so scary. God provided a safe place for me with my pastor's wife, but she is taking a sabbatical now. I have never met a person so safe as she. But I still remember the initial fear and the shame. I don't mean to discourage you, I mean it to encourage you that you're not the only one who has feared taking that leap. It's normal to feel that way. I just had to keep clinging to the fact that God is big enough to carry me through it.
I have also been to a counselor, she is great as well, that is easier because it is a counselor's job, they've already heard many similar stories. But a counselor is not a support group. And so even tho I have already talked to those two people, I am still dreading going to a group. They say you have to be desperate for change, that the pain of staying the same has to be worse than the pain of taking the steps to change.
I will pray for a safe place for you if and when you should decide to take that step.
Journey
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Journey
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Posted: Sat Feb 2nd, 2008 02:51 pm |
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An answer to prayer--I went to the Celebrate Recovery group last night! I was very nervous. I confess that on the way there I had time to kill, and I was in a store and looked at some magazines that I shouldn't have looked at.
So by the time I got to the meeting, I was so so scared and full of anxiety and shame. But they were wonderful. I cried alot during the evening. But nobody had a problem with that. It was such a great place where nobody wears a mask and people are being honest and loving each other. I am greatly impressed and I will be going back. There are people with addictions of all kinds. You can share as little or as much as you want. Men and women go to separate groups for the sharing time. It is a Christian 12-step recovery group. I think they are right on, they emphasize that it's not just what you don't do (as in not acting out), it's a relationship with God that you are growing toward.
The only thing that got hurt was my pride.  I definitely recommend this group.
Journey
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sam
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Posted: Sat Feb 2nd, 2008 04:29 pm |
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praise god journey, glad to hear that you have taken this important step. it sounds like this was your first time there and i'm sure it will get easier each time you go. you are in my prayers.
sam
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truthseeker
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| Joined: | Tue May 16th, 2006 |
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Posted: Sat Feb 2nd, 2008 05:45 pm |
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Hi Journey,
This is wonderful news! Congratulations for taking the plunge! May God work through His Word and this special group of believers.
TruthSeeker
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