| Author | Post |
|---|
lonelyatheart
Member
| Joined: | Mon May 7th, 2007 |
| Location: | Arizona USA |
| Posts: | 9 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: |  |
|
Posted: Thu Nov 8th, 2007 12:35 pm |
|
I had been porn free for more than 5 months until last week or so.... I was very sad that evening, had been thinking of my ex girlfriend all day n how she hadnt called me in months, n on top of that my parents made some comment that jus completely pissed me off.... I came home that night, looked at porn to make my self feel better n then I mastrubated, I have been doing it on and off for couple of weeks now.... I just did one tonight.... its 430am here n m still up.... I feel depressed, like theres no hope for me..... I need help... PLEASE PRAY FOR ME, I WANT TO BE NORMAL !!!!!!!!!!
|
Seeking God
Member
| Joined: | Wed Aug 15th, 2007 |
| Location: | Jakarta, Indonesia |
| Posts: | 220 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: |   |
|
Posted: Thu Nov 8th, 2007 01:47 pm |
|
Lonely,
You must be very sad now. I've been where you are now, (kindof), in fact, 7 years ago my ex, cuddle with her boyfriend just in front of me. Well, I remember how lonely I am, after spending a lot of time together with her, there seems to be so much time alone now. Sometimes I would cry because of loneliness, I would cry because of the hurt of being betrayed, I would cry because of the pain in my soul.
I tried to fill myself with acceptance from porn, I tried to fill myself with my time with my friends.
But it never fills me up.
Lonely, only Christ can fill me up. Only He can answer my needs, and heal all my hurt. Now, at last, I know someone who will never forsake nor betray me, Jesus Christ, who gave His life for me. No matter how much I betray, forsake, shame Him, He can't betray himself, and His love, because He is Christ, my Living God.
Have you tried to enroll in
www. settingcaptivesfree.com?
I found that course help me a lot.
Last edited on Fri Nov 9th, 2007 02:59 am by Seeking God
|
sam
Member
| Joined: | Mon Oct 22nd, 2007 |
| Location: | USA |
| Posts: | 274 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Thu Nov 8th, 2007 03:24 pm |
|
hi lonely,
you are normal... everyone has things they have to deal with and if you didn't, then you wouldn't be normal. my heart really goes out to you. maybe because i have a son about your age. anyway, don't let past issues determine how you live right now. the stuff with your parents and different circumstances that make you sad, lonely & etc, will always be there and you must learn how to deal with them without turning to porn & m. it is a hard process but you can do it with the lord's help.
the thing that i have been doing lately is when i am tempted and feel myself slipping, i picture jesus in the room with me and i start talking to him as if he were actually carrying on a physical conversation with me. i tell you there is nothing more powerful in helping me get past the temptations than envisioning my savior beside me. think about it, when you decide to look at porn and m, if there were anyone in the room with you, you couldn't bring yourself to do it. well, god is always with us. we don't see him but he absolutely is there. try this next time and see if it helps.
thanks for being honest about your struggles. you are special and god loves you. i will be in prayer for you.
|
guitarist63
Member
| Joined: | Mon Feb 12th, 2007 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 1011 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Thu Nov 8th, 2007 10:37 pm |
|
Lonelyatheart, I know it's tough for you at the moment but trust the Lord God to raise you out of this state you're in. Cry to God. He's there all the time, although you may not notice it. You have my prayers.
I'm going to try that as well, Sam.
Last edited on Sun Nov 11th, 2007 10:42 pm by guitarist63
|
lonelyatheart
Member
| Joined: | Mon May 7th, 2007 |
| Location: | Arizona USA |
| Posts: | 9 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Fri Nov 9th, 2007 03:05 am |
|
Thanks guys.... I feel better, but still I am afraid....5 months I spent without this n now I am back to square one..... I hope this time around I can keep it off forever.....
Please pray for me, I will try whole heartedly to stay away this time, n not going to let anyone become the reason for my faliure....
|
TimM
Member
| Joined: | Thu Jul 5th, 2007 |
| Location: | Rural Midwest, USA |
| Posts: | 256 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Fri Nov 9th, 2007 12:33 pm |
|
lonelyatheart,
You're only back to square 1 if you haven't learned anything in the past 5 months and if you can't learn anything now from the slip.
Otherwise, the slip is both an occasion for pain and a chance to really put into practice everything you are learning to do as a recovering addict. Now is a chance both to demonstrate and to deepen your recovery.
You've done good things already by coming here and sharing. Here are some other things you might consider doing, things I have tried to do when I have slipped.
I ask questions about the slip itself. Things like:
- When can I first see that the slip was coming?
- What was I feeling then?
- What was I feeling before then, when the slip was really being born?
- What could I have done at that first moment of visibility, when I still had freedom of action, to address those feelings, to connect to other people and to God, and to prevent the slip?
- What will I do next time to prevent those feelings from overwhelming me and to stay out of isolation and to keep sober?
I also ask questions about my program of recovery, trying to discern what I am doing wrong or half-heartedly:
- Am I going to enough meetings?
- Am I making enough phone calls?
- Am I being honest to the people around me in a sufficiently deep way?
- Am I praying and listening to God adequately?
- Am I seeing my counselor often enough?
- Am I reading enough about recovery?
- Am I pausing to think and feel about myself enough, doing enough journaling, working on the ideas from counseling between sessions?
- Am I really surrendering and turning things over to God instead of trying to win by strength?
- Is there anything I am resisting doing, a thing that might help but that is still too scary? Can I do that thing now?
There are probably lots more questions, but that gives a starting idea. A slip is always a chance to deepen our knowledge of ourselves and to perfect our program of recovery.
So there might be some ways to use the slip for good. You could try to think about your own feelings, and you could try to think about your recovery program, looking at the sorts of tools I listed and at any other tools you may have, and making sure you are using all of them as well as possible.
Now is a chance to really grow.
I started my own recovery by going 3 months and then slipping, then by going 5 more months and slipping again; so I've been roughly where you are now. What I think is important in such moments is not to give way to despair and to self-hatred. Those feelings just drive us away from other people and away from God, and they lock us deeper into the addictive pattern. Rather, I think we have to accept what has happened, to look at ourselves as calmly and honestly as possible, to share our experience with others, and to discern what more we can do to surrender and to recover more fully.
You've made a good start by coming here. Keep at it. Now is the chance really to practice recovery.
Tim M.
|
Current time is 05:52 am | |
|
|
|
RSS