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bigj714
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Posted: Wed Oct 3rd, 2007 06:40 am |
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was a complete whoremonger,drug addict and alcoholic up until 14 months ago when i turned to the Lord. however, the last few months ive gotten caught up in the porn cycle. seems like i can make it about 2 weeks at best. been questioning everything, i am saved?, am i for real? anyways its like ive managed to dump all my girlfriends and im still falling short. purity in my thought life?, seems impossible when i cant even stay away from the porn, much less stop lusting after girls at school in tube tops and short skirts. anyways i need some prayer for my cold unbelieving lustful heart.
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TimM
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Posted: Wed Oct 3rd, 2007 09:23 am |
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Welcome!
That's a lot of changes in a short time. Do you also have people to talk with in your daily life to help you learn how to live a new life in Christ without the sex and drugs? There's probably a lot that needs to be worked through there, and building a new life not only vertically but also horizontally may well be important. It certainly is for me.
Tim M.
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bigj714
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Posted: Wed Oct 3rd, 2007 08:41 pm |
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not really.....seems like im invisible at church ,and the small group guys i tried to hang with were my bros for an hour a week, pretty much just at the meeting. its hard because i still like my old friends and theyre just a phone call away....girls included...............
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Seeking God
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Posted: Thu Oct 4th, 2007 03:03 am |
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Welcome J214!
I will pray for you. Please keep running to Christ, I (kind of) understand what you felt, it's like leaving behind everything that makes you comfortable, but rest assured dear J214, you will receive your reward hundreds fold.
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truthseeker
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Posted: Thu Oct 4th, 2007 12:50 pm |
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Hi bigj714,
Sounds like it might be time to check out other churches. Just be careful that they teach the whole Bible without compromising with the world. Perhaps if you could find a church that has a
Celebrate Recovery
group...
Praying for you...
TruthSeeker
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guitarist63
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Posted: Sat Oct 6th, 2007 10:37 pm |
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BigJ714, you've certainly had quite a journey in life so far. Is your heart as cold as you say it is? I'll do my best to pray for you. Remember, Jesus came to save sinners not the righteous. There is a verse I just thought of (in Jeremiah somewhere) It runs something like this "The arm of the Lord is not so short that He can't save." Will find the reference and replace this with the actual one later. Guitarist63
Last edited on Sat Oct 6th, 2007 10:41 pm by guitarist63
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bigj714
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Posted: Sat Oct 6th, 2007 10:41 pm |
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yeah im prettty much hollow.....i dont know what im supposed to do at this point......nothings working.......maybe thats the unpardonable sin
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guitarist63
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Posted: Sat Oct 6th, 2007 10:49 pm |
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OK BigJ714, if you've reached that point, I recommend you just kneel somewhere really private and quiet where you won't be overheard (if possible) and cry to God. Cry really loudly, if you have to. Let all your emotions out. Lay your burdens at the cross of Jesus and give yourself up. That's what I did last year and it brought healing and transformation in my life. Guitarist63.
Last edited on Sat Oct 6th, 2007 10:51 pm by guitarist63
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bigj714
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Posted: Sat Oct 6th, 2007 10:56 pm |
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done it already many times.......doesnt seem like anything happens....ive prayed for a new heart.....for everything...but i dont think ive really changed apart from being sober and not doing crime......seems like God already shut the door
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guitarist63
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Posted: Sat Oct 6th, 2007 11:09 pm |
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BigJ714, I know it's hard when you don't seem to get answers to prayers and problems don't go away. My answer to that is to keep knocking on heaven's door like the persistent widow in the parable that Jesus told. Keep banging on the door. God's calling you, BigJ714, or you wouldn't be here seeking a way out of your troubles.
You've been through many troubles by the sound of it and it takes time to heal and the healing may not all happen in an instant. If you're expecting instant healing you might be disappointed, not that God can't do that. It just doesn't always happen that way. I have prayed for you tonight. Psalm 51 might be a help. I'll keep praying for you. Guitarist63
Last edited on Sat Oct 6th, 2007 11:21 pm by guitarist63
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TimM
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Posted: Sun Oct 7th, 2007 01:47 am |
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I thought God shut doors, too. For me, anyway, it turned out that when I was really ready to change completely, willing to do anything, willing to ask anyone for help, willing to turn everything over to God, then God was there, where he had always been, standing beside me, waiting in silent pain until I had suffered enough really to start to try to turn to him completely.
I wish I knew how one comes to reach that state.
Is there anything you're reluctant to do that might help you live a better and more sober life? For me, there were a lot of those things, including looking for help from friends and counselors and 12-step meetings, looking honestly at myself, talking honestly to my wife, and really believing that God would act for me in my life.
However one feels about 12-step programs, for me, having people tell me that if I just did these concrete things, following these steps, then God would always act, and that God had acted for them, was what finally gave me the courage to let go and to trust others and to trust God and to begin to live. Deep theology and psychology and stuff like that was too scary and too abstract; simple steps with other people to help me I could get. And that trust and willingness opened the door for God to act.
If you have things like that that seem too scary and crazy and out there to really do, then I wonder what would happen if you let go and did them in faith? Maybe God would be there, as He always is.
Tim M.
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Paulos
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Posted: Tue Oct 9th, 2007 07:36 pm |
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Bigj714,
The unpardonable sin is persistent refusal to put faith in Jesus in spite of the prompting of the Holy Spirit. That was the sin against which Jesus warned those Pharisees who saw him perform exorcisms and so should have been persuaded by his signs, yet stubbornly attributed his power to the devil (Matthew 12:22-32). Jesus didn't say that even they had committed this sin, for they still had opportunity to repent. A person who dies in impenitence has committed this sin.
The fact that you have turned to the Lord, are seeking him, and are frustrated by the resilience of past desires testifies that you're in a different category. In biblical contexts that require us to be chaste as Christians, we are to "find out what pleases the Lord" (Ephesians 5:10) and "learn to control" our bodies (1 Thessalonians 4:4). It can take weeks, months, or sometimes years. When you stop to think about it, the nearly two decades you spent womanizing were a period of training in habits that now need to be unlearned. Once we've got into a rut it's never as easy to redirect our impulses, as it was to go there in the first place.
A few people can just walk away from the past but most of us have to overcome it in small increments over time. Christians know that sanctification is gradual and can be patient with themselves in areas like anger or control of the tongue, but for some reason many seem to think we should attain sexual perfection in an instant. Usually it's slow work against the grain.
Your honesty in admitting to yourself and others that you still often feel like having sex is a solid starting point. Clearly, however, at a deeper level you don't want to go on in the same mode as in the past, or you wouldn't be here. You're caught in conflict between the Spirit and the flesh (Galatians 5:17). That too is an indication you're moving toward the light.
Last edited on Tue Oct 9th, 2007 07:37 pm by Paulos
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Seeking God
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Posted: Wed Oct 10th, 2007 03:15 am |
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Dear bigj714,
I'm happy to hear your struggle, because that means you are trying to get into the light, instead of just... plunge right to it.
Christ actually came to this world for YOU. I would suggest you read this resource
http://blazinggrace.org/DoyouknowJesus.htm
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bigj714
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Posted: Wed Oct 10th, 2007 03:38 am |
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thanks.....ive actually read that already....im pretty much filled with bible knowledge and theology already ...thats the pathetic part, that in spite of all the headknowledge God has provided me with, i still give follow the flesh.......I think that must be what it means to reap corruption....like by sowing to the flesh we just make our struggle that much worse.....although i havent viewed any porn or m'ed in the last 2 weeks i did look at some bikini stuff earlier that just about sent me for a tailspin....i dont know how to hate this stuff.....i wish i did
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Seeking God
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Posted: Wed Oct 10th, 2007 05:43 am |
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 , yep, knew how that felt also.... I am a fallen servant of Christ also...
Jesus therefore said to those Jews that had believed him, If ye abide in my word, then are ye truly my disciples; and ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. (Joh 8:31-32)
Well, the truth shall make you free, if you "abide" in the word...
In my experience, I have knowledge, but I don't live in it... when the Word says, "confess one another", I don't want to do it, I have PRIDE you know, I don't need people to "judge" me, I don't want to hurt other... well, to cut the story short, I finally obey to confess, and cut off and pluck out stumbling blocks... and enjoying every minute of my freedom now.
so, Cheer up my brother!
There is hope! keep persevering! I recommend
http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com
They have a powerful, bible saturated, grace filled "way of purity course" which will help you a lot. (plus you'll have a mentor to keep you accountable).Now, it's not the course that matters, but They help me a lot to focus on one true answer. Christ.
Last edited on Wed Oct 10th, 2007 05:46 am by Seeking God
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bigj714
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Posted: Wed Oct 10th, 2007 07:00 am |
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at what point am i saved??.....when ive repented enought to be "set free"?.....it seems like im always in this condemnation because of my repeated failing....seems like alot of confusion on whether or not a person struggling with sexual impurity is saved or in danger of hell............if you read ephesians 5:5 from what ive been taught is that if youre involved in sexual impurity you have no inheritance in the kingdom.....so at what point is involvement defined???......a broken pattern of impurity perhaps?
Last edited on Wed Oct 10th, 2007 07:04 am by bigj714
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Seeking God
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Posted: Wed Oct 10th, 2007 08:51 am |
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I'm so sorry J714,
I wish I can answer that as easy as 1,2,3...
I wish I can recite to you the steps you need to make.
But I can't
God can...
There is only one God, and the same God who freed Paul, Peter, John, David, Moses, is the same LIVING God who will free you and me.
Please ask as many advice as you can from people who really know you, who know your history, your background, your actual life. If you don't have one, then open up with people you can trust... maybe your pastor? Whatever advice you have, open your bible, and seek counsel from Christ himself also, let Him guide you.
When I struggle with porn and lust, I too fear for my inheritance, I become desperate, convinced that God hates me, that God make fun of me (WHY WOULD HE MAKE MY SEXUAL DRIVE SO HIGH??? WHY DO OTHER PEOPLE DON'T STRUGGLE LIKE I DID? WHY DO I HAVE NO SELF CONTROL???? AM I CONDEMNED IN THIS??? IS THERE NO WAY OUT???)
There hath no temptation taken you but such as man can bear: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation make also the way of escape, that ye may be able to endure it. (1Co 10:13)
The day God changes my heart starts when God made me open up with my pastor, and my brother. He also led me to settingcaptivesfree.com and this forum, I'm not going to write much here, if you are curious, take a look at my post at "introduction" and "daily accountability" you will see the progress God made on my heart.
Now, don't take it wrong.... I still struggle, Temptation still come, Lust still seduce me, Pride still lurks behind my back, but now, God is fighting for me.
Please-please-please, join Settingcaptivesfree also, if the bible talks, be humble, and obey. Don't rationalize, just obey... And the truth will set you free.
Of course, these are my experience, I hope these help you.
I will share with you, one more bible verse...
Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. For he that soweth unto his own flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth unto the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap eternal life. (Gal 6:7-8)
I often wonder, why I can't have holiness,
But, everyday, I sow in the flesh, I sow porn, I sow lust, I sow pride, and I wonder, why wouldn't I reap HOLINESS? Stupid eh? I sow carrot, and expect grapes to sprout from it...
Now, what do I sow so I can reap HOLINESS? for me? I began to sow The Word, I began to seek advice, I began to open up, I began to do anything to get free.
What do I sow so I can reap ETERNAL LIFE?
Last edited on Wed Oct 10th, 2007 10:03 am by Seeking God
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TimM
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Posted: Wed Oct 10th, 2007 11:30 am |
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I try to stay clear of the theological discussions here, but maybe one comment is OK. If you look up words like "saved" and "salvation" in the Bible, you'll find it says that we have been saved, that we are being saved, and that we will be saved. Biblically, our salvation takes place in the past, in the present, and in the future. For instance, the Bible speaks about working out our salvation with fear and trembling.
I think we sometimes construe salvation far too narrowly. We're taught that God has a legal case against us, and we want to know whether or not we have done the minimum required to get the case dismissed.
To me, there is much more than this, though. I not only hope for eternal life after I die; I also need to be saved now, today. I need to be saved just like a drowning man does. I need to be saved because when I am a practicing addict, I am alone and fearful and harming others and walled off from my family and unconnected to God, and I can't bear to keep living like that. It's my experience that if I can trust God enough and trust other people enough to move outside the tangle of fear-thoughts and to turn my addictive desires over to God and to others, then there is hope, and then there is healing, and then there is faith. By understanding my profound powerlessness over my addiction and my profound need to be saved from it, I can be led to the openness and trust and faith and love that I need to remain in communion with the God Who can save me in the end, and with the church which can teach me His ways.
For me, eternal salvation and facing myself honestly to seek salvation from what is killing me now are deeply connected.
Are there things you are doing now, or things you might begin to do, to find connections with other people and with yourself that begin to remove the walls of fear and isolation addictions build up? For me, those are the steps that are leading to faith in the God Who saves. Those are the steps by which I work out my own salvation in fear and trembling. They are also the steps by which I move to find unity within myself and dissipation of the fears and resentments and angers that keep me from being sexually sober.
As always, just how it seems to me. Do well, in any case.
Tim M.
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Paulos
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Posted: Wed Oct 10th, 2007 03:26 pm |
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bigj714,
You've put two questions in recent posts: (1) Can one be in a state of salvation and simultaneously struggle with sin? and (2) What is there to hate in pornography and masturbation?
(1) The paradox of being righteous in God's eyes yet sinning, in flat contradiction to our true nature, is captured in the carefully balanced words of 1 John 1:5 - 2:6. Note esp. 1:7: "If we walk in the light, as he [God] is in the light, ... the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin." The light and sin are opposed to one another. To "walk in the light" means, as the rest of the context shows, to "keep his commandments" (2:3) in imitation of Jesus (2:6). If we're keeping the commandments as Jesus did, why is the blood of Jesus required to cleanse us from all sin? Because though the believer's inclination is to moral excellence, in fact we can sin, and God provides for that: "if any one does sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous" (2:1). The sacrifice of Jesus avails to wash away sins, provided one's orientation, one's aim, one's unremitting movement in spite of setbacks, is toward the light. That's why in the Lord's Prayer we're taught daily to turn to God and ask, "Forgive us our trespasses."
Those barred from the kingdom of God (Eph 5:5) are people given to fornication, who have no wish or will to be otherwise, who defend, hone and promote such a lifestyle, whose orientation or aim is not to walk in the light but to go deeper into darkness: "Every one who does evil hates the light, and does not come to the light, lest his deeds should be exposed" (John 3:20; cf. Eph 5:8-13).
(2) What's hateful in p. and m. is not the kernel of goodness on which they depend, but the way they distort the good to evil ends. Porn has power because the female body is attractive; masturbation has power because an orgasm is an ecstatic experience. God made the female body alluring to the male, and the orgasm is God's reward and our motivation to do something he values. But God's plan is that the full display of the female body be a unique, intimate, and exclusive self-offering from a wife to her husband, and that the orgasm be a periodic climax and reinforcement of the covenantal commitment and affection of the two partners. To use p. with m. is to short-circuit the process in such a way as to bypass what sex is all about, namely, special communion between spouses in the permanent and all-encompassing bond of marriage. Miss that, and what's left is a grotesque focus on body parts and individual cravings. We can't hate beauty or pleasure, and we shouldn't try. What we should hate is the way p. and m. use those very precious things to turn us away from seeking the marital relationship in which they take on their rich interpersonal meaning, and instead cheat us by driving us into the fruitless isolation of egoistic individualism. God created us to find deep satisfaction in loving him, and others. How do p. and m. further those ends? How, then do they contribute to our deepest satisfaction?
Last edited on Wed Oct 10th, 2007 03:30 pm by Paulos
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