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lonelyatheart
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Posted: Mon May 7th, 2007 11:23 am |
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I am 21 years old, a junior at college, I dont have any friends at school. I started mastrubating as early as when I turned 14 n it has ruined my life..... literally ruined it. I use to think that it was a passing phase and would go away with time, but it has stayed and have become even stronger as the years have gone by.... A year back I met a girl and I fell in love with her, for the final time I decided to end my evil habbits and it was all going smooth until we broke up two months ago... this happened just before the spring break and I didnt to any of my classes since then... I resorted to mastrubating and porn on the internet.... Since then I have tried so hard not to repeat it but I always seem to cave in... I have setup rules and phrases in my mind to help my self in times when I seem to cave in like... "good things happen to those who wait", "I am not gonna let this stupid thing happen to me or to ruin my life" ect... they work sometimes but sometimes they dont 
I really dont know what to do. Whenever I mastrubate its not like I just do once, I use porn on the internet and I do it several times for almost the entire day until my body tells me to stop. I did the same thing last week friday night contnuing to saturday night and then decided to stop... I was good during the week but tonight 7 days later I was looking for something on the internet and I saw one picture and then the other and n I mastrubated, again and again time after time.... downloading porn, then deleting it, then regretting why I deleted it.... I was just about to go to bed its 2am when I decided to do it again one last time and after doing it I felt the same emptiness, shame, etc....
CAN ANYBODY PLEASE PRAY FOR ME? I am afarid that its gonna ruin my career, my relationship woth my parents and relatives, everybody.... I do not talk alot but I like talking and I feel like I am not worth talking to because of all the things I do.... Can anybody please pray for me.... I go to church almost every sunday, still I cant control it.... its like sometimes I get so lonely that I need to feel something and thats when I do it.... I don wanna be like this for the rest of my life. I NEED A MIRACLE, PLEASE PRAY FOR ME...
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forlorn
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Posted: Mon May 7th, 2007 10:48 pm |
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Hey lo nelya theart,
Man I hear ya. I'm 19, a freshman at college, and I started struggling with porn type stuff when I was about tenish. I would simply look at some attractive pictures, pretty decent pictures with girls totally clothed and I would masturbate. I've been dealing with it ever since, almost a decade now.
It's funny how we use certain things to symbolize then end of the addiction. After this summer, or when I get a girlfriend, or when I get married, after bla bla bla. I remember thinking, "after this haircut I'll stop the addiction." Bleh... This sucks.
I'm dating a girl I pretty much know I'm going to marry. That is a very bold claim to make but God gave me a peaceful confidence in it, so I'm sure. We have an awesome relationship where we are totally honest with each other and we talk. Not too long ago we were talking and I ended up telling her that I struggle with this. It broke her heart. It was a really hard week for both of us and I felt absolutely horrible. I wanted to go cold turkey from there out. I messed up and felt absolutely horrible, I felt like I was going to throw up. Later, I messed up again, how could I have done that a second time? Now the intense guilt is leaving me, I'm becoming numb.
I'm right there with you lo nelya theart. I feel tired, worn out and hopeless. I know God is a God who can heal and work miracles but I feel lost. I have faith in God in so many aspects of life, but I struggle with this one. I love God, and I love my girlfriend and I want the best for her and I can't do this to her. We're doing great now, God is healing but I need this out. I called a guy who is kind of a mentor for me and talked to him about it. I'm also going to call another one of my older Christian friends, and my step-dad and have them all hold me accountable. I need all the help I can get.
The guy who's a kind of a mentor has an idea for holding me accountable. I need to come up with a list of different people that I really, truly respect and are a part of my life. Whenever I mess up, I need to call the person at the top of the list and tell them my problem and ask them to pray for me. Then my mentor will call them and make sure that I talked to them. It creates a web of accountability and means you really have to humble yourself to tell these people about your deep secret.
So maybe this will help bring hope. I think this is the kind of thing that God intended when he said in James, "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed." (James 5:16). We can't do it on our own.
I'm looking for help to, how else do you think I wondered onto this site? I messed up and I feel sick. Pray for me to. Lo nelya theart I'll pray for you, if I can help in any other way let me know, I'm in the same boat as you so lets help each other out.
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forlorn
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Posted: Mon May 7th, 2007 11:23 pm |
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Dude, I'm checking out this site and this article is super cool:
http://www.blazinggrace.org/masturbation.htm
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guitarist63
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Posted: Mon May 7th, 2007 11:47 pm |
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Lonelyatheart, you should find plenty of sympathy and support here and of course prayers. Praying for you. James 5:16 is an excellent and apt verse to remember. I have the struggle as well but making progress, with God's strength and constant guidance. It's important to remember that God loves you, in spite of this sin and wants you to get free. Trust in Him. Guitarist.
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johnny
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Posted: Tue May 8th, 2007 05:51 am |
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You may not realize the power of it now but comming to this sight is a big step. Opening up and showing the darkenss inside of you to other christiansis what I have found most powerful in my struggle. I did it first here and as a result was able to open up to a christian man in my church. It has made a big differnce. My advice is to continue opening up to those in your church you can trust. Get accountibility software on your computer like Covenant Eyes. Locate some groups to go to if you can. Make your recovery as much as a ritual as you mastrubation is. Post hear everyday, pray, read recovery books, read the bible, go to groups everyday!!! Three times a day if you have to.
I am very sorry to hear about breaking up with your girlfriend. I know how bad that can feel. I will pray for you to heal and to grow away from sexual sin.
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JesusLives!
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Posted: Sun May 13th, 2007 11:26 pm |
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I will pray for all of you. I am on the other side of this situation as my husband is also addicted. I think it is helpful to pray for others when you are struggling, also, I have heard that confessing it to someone who can hold you accountable and finding support from others who are going through or have been saved from this same situation is one of the first steps in overcoming it. I think that the more resources the better and confessing face to face with people may be the most effective.
I will pray my heart out for you all tonight.
God Bless you!!
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guitarist63
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Posted: Mon May 14th, 2007 01:34 am |
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Thanks, Jesuslives. I have confessed my former porn addiction and "m" problem to one of the prayer groups that I attend regularly so I don't consider I have isolated myself. I am doing all I can to be accountable for the present. I will continue to pray for you, Jon and your family. Stephen
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johnny
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Posted: Mon May 14th, 2007 03:44 am |
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| Stephen I am so gald you were able to confess that to those in your church group. Thats such a hard step. I know because I just had to do it myself. I hope you are doing well.
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JesusLives!
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Posted: Mon May 14th, 2007 08:20 am |
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| Thank you Guitarist63, you will overcome this, you are taking all the action "you" can to overcome this and the Lord will bless you with his strength and grace. Thank you for keeping us in your prayers and I will do the same for you.
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guitarist63
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Posted: Mon May 14th, 2007 08:19 pm |
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Dear Jesuslives, thanks very much for your understanding. I hope my prayers will help. I will continue to remember you. Perhaps you can remind me and the BG about the first names to pray for, apart from Jon.
I want to find an accountability group. I have looked into what's available in my part of the country and there isn't anything, unless the churches have groups that are not getting publicity. That's possible. I am going to write to the biggest church (over 800 members) and find out what they might have. They have a lot of young people and recently have had an evening theme on pornography.
Some don't know how tough it is for me to relate to people in the flesh. Nobody knows here what my communication problems really are. I can appear just like anybody when writing in print but everything changes when I have to relate one-to-one with anybody. It is a neurological problem. You would not recognize me as the person who wrote this. I suspect most people think I am talking bull but it's been diagnosed twice, once by a specialist in my particular rare disorder. Disease is perhaps a little strong a word and it isn't mental illness which a distinct umbrella term for a whole range of conditions. One of them is schizophrenia which I don't have.
There is very poor health provision or jobs provision for adults with Asperger syndrome. It's not much better for children and students in England. In the USA it might be better but you have to pay for your health and we're lucky in the UK that we have the National Health Service.
The Holy Spirit spoke to me today and gave an answer which I am going to act upon. In fact, I already did make the first step. A different way of visualising God's control of my life. Blessings, Stephen
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guitarist63
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Posted: Mon May 14th, 2007 08:29 pm |
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Thanks, Johnny for your encouragement. It is tough. I told some people who are part of the evangelism team where I live which I think is tougher than to tell the regular church members because the evangelism team is supposed to be setting an example and there are higher expectations for those who are witnessing to people. They are like the shop window of the church, as it were. Ambassadors for Jesus. Part of the problem is that I hate talking about personal matters like that which are so shameful and so taboo. People know I have a doctorate, etc., so I really have to show some humility and I don't do that very well. It's doing me good because I need to learn humility. Still praying for you and really pleased to hear about your one month achievment. Keep running with torch! Stephen
Last edited on Tue May 15th, 2007 11:58 pm by guitarist63
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JesusLives!
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Posted: Mon May 14th, 2007 10:28 pm |
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Stephen, I know a lady who has Aspergers and her two sons do as well. I am sure it is hard. But that may be all the more the step you need to take. God knows how hard this will be for you and if you can make this step I am sure he will only bless you all the more. I am not versed well with the Word, I only know from experience, that when we step outside ourselves to seek a stronger relationship and life with God that he will bless you for it. There was a point when I hardly knew God, only knew my desire to know him more. I would sit in church and when they would ask anyone to stand that needs prayer, etc, I would sit and ask God to lift me up. Well, that never happened, but one day I decided to step outside myself and stood up. He blessed me with faith. Then when I wanted to raise my hands in praise, I did the same thing, waited for him to lift them up, well again he didn't and I finally did it myself. He blessed me again with an abundance of faith. This kept going on and on in my search for a closer relationship with him. Each and every step I took in getting closer to him he brought me further and blessed me for it. Some times you just have to show God that you will do anything it takes (that is in your power) and sacrifice of yourself. He has blessed my relationship with him in that way. I am sure he will bless you too.
Remember, you have already taken a huge step, and that is having the desire to change, and you are here too, that is a great step.
You said you have been attending Churches right? Well, if there aren't any churches who offer that kind of program, can you find a church who offers you strength in other areas of your faith and search for an addiction program outside of the church? In the states they have 12 step programs for many addictions, like drugs (NA, narcotics anonymous) and alcohol (AA Alcoholics anonymous). They may have a program offered through the community. They usually have you turn to a higher power for strength, since you have your faith you can turn to the Lord for your strength.
Well, I hope you are able to find something and that new "source" you were talking about will be helpful. Hope I don't sound preachy, not at all my intention, I was just hoping that my testimony will be helpful to you and others.
God Bless you and thank you again for your prayers.
Oh, here is a site that I found interesting and maybe you can find another source of support here http://emb.newlife.com/
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JesusLives!
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Posted: Mon May 14th, 2007 10:39 pm |
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After I finished writing my last post I went to a sight where I am taking a course for wives in being able to deal with what is happening to their marriage and husbands. They had emailed me this verse as encouragement and it is funny that it totally goes along with my testimony. I thought maybe it would be good to share it, you all may have already heard it but anyway here it is:
Jeremiah 29:11-14
"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. 12 Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. 13 And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you, says the Lord, and I will bring you back from your captivity; I will gather you from all the nations and from all the places where I have driven you, says the Lord, and I will bring you to the place from which I cause you to be carried away captive."
Blessings
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guitarist63
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Posted: Tue May 15th, 2007 02:47 am |
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Thanks JesusLives! I am going to have to postpone my prayers until later this morning because I am dead beat and not fit for anything. I have had more than the usual flurry of messages to answer tonight and it's kept me here. Perhaps I am addicted to Blazinggrace! Yes, that's a good point about the 12 steps, though they are often secular, that wouldn't stop me from praying my private prayers and not imposing myself. I, however, might be tempted back into the thing if the group are swearing a lot. So that would put me off for a start. It drove me crazy on a recent "back to work" government course called "new deal." I called it the "raw deal." I was declared unfit in the last fortnight and after that came confirmation of my Asperger by a specialist in autistic spectrum disorders, of which AS is only one. 43 years late. Please let me know names, if possible, to pray for, apart from Jon.
Last edited on Tue May 15th, 2007 02:48 am by guitarist63
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lonelyatheart
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Posted: Tue May 22nd, 2007 03:21 am |
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guys... I failed after more than 2 weeks I failed again..... n I feel terrible already
I got a deal from netflix for a free month couple of weeks back, n while looking for the movies to order on the internet I got distracted n started looking for the wrong genres... n today I downloded a rated r movie n when it was done I decided to have a peek at it n boom... I M'ed... after 2 weeks..... n its jus 6 pm.... please pray for me... I never looked for porn online since my last post but today while browsing thought the list of the movie to order I got distracted... I dunno what to do... please pray for me... I think I should visit this site often to be straight in lord..... I never visited this site coz I thought I was being good... but after doing it I feel I let myself down... I was feeling so good about myslef till the moment I M'ed... looking myself in the mirror makes me feel horrible.... I am 21 I don wanna be like this forever... pleasae pray for me so I can finish this rest of may without porn or sex in my life... please, I beg you all please pray for me.....
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truthseeker
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Posted: Tue May 22nd, 2007 05:32 am |
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Hi lonelyatheart,
You are not alone. Many here have had slips on the road to sobriety. But God is gracious and merciful. 1 John 1:9. Heb. 9:14-5. It is wonderful when we do not fall, but crucial to get back up when we do. Ps. 51 is also good. Identifying the first point at which the slip began, in order to beware in the future is also vital.
Praying for you...
TruthSeeker
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guitarist63
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Posted: Tue May 22nd, 2007 08:49 pm |
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Courage, lonelyatheart! You want to stop and with God's help, you will manage it. It won't be easy, as I am finding, but persevere and you'll beat it. Temptations are all around us and we have to keep our guard all the time in this sex-saturated world. 21 is still young to be trying to stop. You're a long way ahead of many others here, in that respect, which is commendable. Trust in the Lord. Don't feel condemned. Pick yourself up and remember that in spite of the sin, He loves you all the same. I will remember to pray for you tonight. Guitarist63
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