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Krystallei
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| Joined: | Sat Mar 10th, 2007 |
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Posted: Sat Mar 10th, 2007 07:28 am |
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My name is Krystallei and I am 17 years old, and I am addicted to sex. I first started having sex when i was 14. I lost my virginity to a 29 year old man. This man took advantage of me, by puttin things into my drinks.
Since then I am always wanting to have sex. I have a boyfriend of 2 years, and he has no idea. I feel really bad, for the things I do, behind his back. I mean there has been countless times I have cheated on him, just so I could have sex, granit the people I had sex with meant nothing to me, its still the fact that I cheated on the one I love. I need HELP!!! I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
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Suzi
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Posted: Sat Mar 10th, 2007 09:56 pm |
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Krystallei,
My heart goes out to you. You are so young... way too young to be carrying the burden of these experiences.
Do you have any one you could turn to to help you? A pastor or pastor's wife? A counselor at school? Is there a shelter for abused teens/children/women in your area?
First of all, please don't give up, OK? You can start anew... but you aren't going to be able to do it all on your own.
I also recommend that you go see your doctor... if you don't feel comfortable with your own doctor, please find one... maybe a gynocologist... maybe a female gynocologist. Anyway, find one you can really open up to. You need to find out what damage you have done to your body by these practices. I am sure that someday, when you find the right guy, and settle down into marriage, you are probably going to want to have children. Some of the things you are doing right now could keep that from happening. Some STDs lead to infertility.
I commend you because you sound like you are ready to turn a corner and start treating yourself better. I am sure that by now, you KNOW in your heart of hearts that all this sex only makes you feel worse about yourself. NOT BETTER.
Maybe it's time for you to take a break from GUYS!!! Even if you love this boyfriend, you may be better off just being on your own and finding out about yourself... and learn what an awesome person you ARE!!!! I remember being your age and thinking that having a boyfriend meant *I* was a better person... LOL!! NO!!! This is an awesome age where so many opportunities are ready for you to take hold of!
Think about... maybe make a list... of the things YOU want to do!!! Be creative! Think postively... and then maybe choose a few of these dreams and see what step you can take to get closer to it becoming a reality!
Krystallei, please, never, never forget just how much God loves you... YOU!!!!
Please don't give up... keep us posted, OK?
Suzi (old enough to be your grannie..  )
____________________
Psa 107:20 He sent his word, and healed them, and delivered them from their destructions.
Luke 6:46 And why call ye me, Lord, Lord, and do not the things which I say?
Psa 119:37 Turn away mine eyes from beholding vanity; and quicken thou me in thy way.
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truthseeker
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| Joined: | Tue May 16th, 2006 |
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Posted: Sat Mar 10th, 2007 10:31 pm |
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Hi Krystallei,
I am guessing that if you felt that you could talk to your parents, you would have done so already. My heart aches for you. I have a friend whose daughter was raped via date rape drugs in her first year of college, dropped out, and hasn't gone back to college yet. I am also guessing that what happened to you was not reported as a rape, and proving it at this time would be next to impossible. I have not read much about rape, but it is my understanding that it is not uncommon for women to respond by extremes, either becoming very sexually active, or avoiding it altogether, even when married. If you are active in a youth group, perhaps you would feel comfortable talking to the youth pastor's wife? If not that, or a relative, your school may have some confidential counselling services, or you could look for a crisis/rape hotline in your telephone directory. Your library probably has books about recovering from rape, though if the librarian knows you, that could be awkward.
I don't, of course, know your parents, but I would urge you to consider how you might broach this subject, as you should have a thorough physical exam and tests to check for internal injury and STDS. I suppose, worst case senario, you can go when you are eighteen and can sign for yourself.
I wasn't clear as to whether or not you are active with your boyfriend also. If you think there is a serious future in this relationship, you should tell him because your relationship will never be all that it can be if this secret lies between you. If he is also a sexual partner, he needs to know that he is at risk from your other encounters.
If you feel any guilt or responsibility in the rape perpetrated by the 29-year-old, you are placing blame where it does not belong. You are not in any way at fault for something that happened against your impaired will. What you do need to start considering, is how the cycle of partners is occurring now. How do you end up in situations that lead to sex? How can you avoid the people who are looking for casual partners? How can you avoid the privacy necessary for it? Do you have a close girlfriend whom you could call for support when you recognize the warning signs?
Praying for you...
TruthSeeker
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Diane
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| Joined: | Tue Feb 20th, 2007 |
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Posted: Fri Mar 16th, 2007 04:06 am |
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Krystallei,
I read your story and my heart goes out to you. I also was raped. I was 18 and my whole life changed. I became so numb, I couldn't feel and I didn't care. I eased my pain with drugs and alcohol... I, also, went on a long string of one night stands. No relationships... just sex. Why do we do that? sometimes we simply continue living life the way we feel or live out what we believe about ourselves... that we are totally worthless, dirty, and who cares anyway. It just doesn't matter... I regret to say I aborted two children in that mess... I could have easily contracted an STD or Aids....
It could also be an issue of control... meaning "NO ONE IS GOING TO TAKE CONTROL OF ME AND HURT ME AGAIN." For a whole year I went to the clubs, I picked up the guys, I paid for the motel room and I called a taxi to get home. I took control of my life. In a healthy balance you need some control in life in that you don't let anyone use you or abuse you. But the control I had after that rape became totally unbalanced... that kind of control caused me to build walls of protection around me so thick that I blocked the ability to feel, to love and didn't allow anybody to love me. I wanted to love and be loved but I just couldn't trust it... so I was controlling in most of my relationships... not only men, but with friends, my children... I was angry and in control... Not a good combination!! I've been married 22 years young lady, and I have had the most difficult time believing that I was loved. This physical mess stopped for me when I got saved at 20 years old. God's grace was there... and I found a love I never knew existed... His love is awesome... I stopped sleeping around... But I continued with porn/masturbation...and that stems from some child abuse... that became my "drug of choice" "my safety net"... that is where I turned to for comfort... in 2004 I began counseling and for the first time in 20 years I finally faced and processed all my pain. It wasn't until this counseling that I realized so many things... I've learned so much... and it is just these past few months that I finally admitted I struggled with sexual addiction... these ladies who responded to your reply before me have given you some sound advice... I hope you prayerfully consider it all...
But the truth of this matter is you were violated Krystallei, he raped you!!! He committed a crime!!! He had no right whatsoever!!! He took your dignity!!! He didn't only violate your body, but your heart and spirit also... I was raped at knife point and for many, many years I still couldn't call it rape. I blamed myself. If I hadn't been in that car... If I hadn't been drinking... and on and on... But this guy being 29 and drugging your drink... so, so wrong, and you have every right to feel the anger you feel... alot of your acting out for sex is really anger... and this is what counseling, a good christian counselor can help you with... they can help you sort out the pain, give you a safe place to be honest and express that anger, the feelings, the injustice of it all and get to the root of your anger... help you understand "why" you are doing the things you're doing...
And the best part of you coming on this site and posting says you have alot of courage young lady... It takes courage to be willing to look at this... It takes vulnerability to share your heart and ask for help... It will take time but you can do this with the Lords help... We are here for you whenever you need to talk... You don't need to wait 20 years like I did to get help... Are you able to get help? Do you have someone you can trust and talk with?
How was your life before the incident with that 29 year old man... your home life, were you raised as a christian? or not? I'm just curious... sometimes any neglect or abuse as a child simply leaves us without the proper tools, skills and judgements to deal with life and relationships... I'll stop there for now... I just want to say "I Get It"... "I understand"... I really do... I'm praying and I'll be looking for your postings...
Diane
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mj9
Member
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Posted: Fri Mar 16th, 2007 06:32 pm |
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Diane, If I hear you right, you are saying that sometimes the response we have to abuse by men is to "take control" by being promiscuous, but on our terms. Is that correct? Do you think that is a possible result - solely from being abused sexually, or do you think it can be caused through other kinds of abuse and neglect?
Thanks, -mj9
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Diane
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Posted: Sat Mar 17th, 2007 06:13 am |
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mj9 wrote: Diane, If I hear you right, you are saying that sometimes the response we have to abuse by men is to "take control" by being promiscuous, but on our terms. Is that correct? Do you think that is a possible result - solely from being abused sexually, or do you think it can be caused through other kinds of abuse and neglect?
Thanks, -mj9
Hello mj9... I don't know if you read my initial post a short while back here on this women's forum... I was sexually abused as a child at 9 years of age... when I was raped at 18... I totally despaired with thoughts of "Is this all there is to life"... I wrote a song as I went through counseling on my childhood abuse... "I turned inside, with silent tears I hide my pain..." I was angry as a child and didn't even recognize it... and after I was raped I thought "that's it!!! that's all men want" I did not have the emotional tools to understand healthy relationships... just didn't have the foggiest idea... relationships equalled sex to me... that is all I knew... To try to answer your question... I believe the promiscuity is living out what we believe about ourselves... Life tells us we are worthless and it doesn't matter what happens to us... whether that is through child sexual abuse, neglect, verbal and emotional abuse, there is psychological sexual abuse, physical abuse (without sexual abuse)... abuse is absolutely anything that totally devalues our worth as a human being... being raped just solidified what went on all my life... it didn't matter... people can abuse me, betray me, use me, whatever... I believe promiscuity can also be a desparate need to be loved, to find love... even though it always comes up empty... we feel we don't deserve better anyway... lies, lies, lies... As far as taking control... As a child, I had already put up walls of self-protection... that is how a child survives any kind of abuse, sexually, verbally, emotionally... we put up walls of defense... we don't let ourselves feel, we disconnect... because to do so simply hurts way too much... When I was raped I became totally hopeless that things would be different for me... the promiscuity, and even the porn/masterbation after I stopped sleeping around, can be "relief" in that I just need to feel good, comforted, and loved... but it can also be "revenge and anger" in that I will not let you have the pleasure of arousing me or you beingi aroused (my sexual abuse) I will do it myself !! I'll take control... without connecting... but in my marriage I was connecting physically but not emotionally and/or spiritually... but God has done wonderful things these past three years... I'm so grateful for the healing virtue of Calvary's Cross... grateful for the healing power of the shed blood of my Savior... It is very late here so I'll close with that... but thanks for feeling free to ask... I'm very tired... I hope I made sense.. if not I'll try again after a good nights sleep Diane
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Diane
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Posted: Sat Mar 17th, 2007 10:45 pm |
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| Hello Krystallie, You've been on my heart... Just wanted you to know I've been praying for you... I'm sure those that have replied to you are praying also... we care and we are here for you... Talk when you can... Diane
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Suzi
Member
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Posted: Sat Mar 17th, 2007 11:17 pm |
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Krystallei,
I say Amen to Diane's post...
Would love to hear how you are doing... OK?
Suzi
____________________
Psa 107:20 He sent his word, and healed them, and delivered them from their destructions.
Luke 6:46 And why call ye me, Lord, Lord, and do not the things which I say?
Psa 119:37 Turn away mine eyes from beholding vanity; and quicken thou me in thy way.
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