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lonelyheart
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| Joined: | Mon Jan 15th, 2007 |
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Posted: Tue Jan 16th, 2007 03:57 am |
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| I was molested and introduced to pornography from the ages of 2-11, by my father. I started masturbating at the age of 7, not understanding what I was doing, but soon realizing I had to keep it a secret. I also "fooled" around with boys from the ages of 7-15, having my first and only sexual experience at the age of 15. I soon became a Christian and over the course of many years went through a lot of healing. This included counseling, some of it Christian counseling, and a lot of prayer. I have been unable to break my habit of masturbation and fantasy, although it has decreased in frequency over the years. Unfortunately, I began looking at pornography a few years ago, on average twice a year. I realize the emptiness it brings and am able to resist temptation in viewing it for a few months or even years. But soon the loneliness creeps in again and I soon find myself unable to resist temptation again. I have a strong, intimate relationship with Christ, but have found it difficult to remain single as I near my mid-thirties. I have not dated very much since becoming a Christian and have remained sexually pure within those relationships. I have waited patiently for the husband God has for me, but when loneliness sets in, I am overtaken with sexual addiction to fill my "need". I have had great difficulty and shame in sharing my problems with friends and have only shared it with a handful of people over the years. I am daily seeking the Lord, asking for His strength and that I receive no pleasure from satisfying myself. That He would continue to give me patience to wait for the gift of the husband He has for me. I don't want to bring this into my marriage and don't know what else to do. I know that I need accountability.
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mj9
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Posted: Tue Jan 16th, 2007 05:30 pm |
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lonelyheart,
Welcome. You are in the right place. Seems the women's forum dn get much traffic, but there are lots of other forums on the site. You may want to look at those, too.
Lots of people here struggle because of pornography. Those images, especially when we are exposed to them during our formative years, stay with us, especially if we "feed" them with masturbation. As women, we tend to view ourselves through those lenses, and our deepest mindsets tell us that's the way we should be in order for men to want us. Masturbating and recieving those "hits" of chemicals only reinforces that idea in us, and actually, I think, can condition us to desire those kind of things, too. Although keeping those desires in the fantasy world may keep us safe physically, it's devistating to us emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Eventually, we must seek help.
This is a Christian board, filled with Christians who struggle, as you do, with SA in one form or another. Be encouraged. Have you looked into any Christian SA groups in your area? I would also encourage personal counseling with a Christian who works specifically in this area.
Blessings, -mj9
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erindawws
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| Joined: | Tue Sep 12th, 2006 |
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Posted: Wed Jan 17th, 2007 09:57 am |
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LonelyHeart, I can identify a little with you. I too am "clean" for quite some time and then find myself going back to my old habits, especially fantisizing. One thing I do that has worked for me, is (especially being single) when I catch myself in a fantasy I turn it into a love story involving a potential husband. This love story diverts my attention. Starting out with a simple image or something pure helps. Instead of the sexual fantasy, stop and go to a children's story romance - the prince charming who helps you when you trip over the rug. Even thought it's a little childish that has always helped me, particularly because I try to work out all the details, and then I forget what I was fantasizing about in the first place. I don't know if it will work for you, but I thought I should suggest it, just in case it helps at all.
My prayers are with you,
ErinLast edited on Wed Jan 17th, 2007 09:58 am by erindawws
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tropicalstorm
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Posted: Thu May 3rd, 2007 01:56 pm |
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Dear Lonely,
I too was abused and started masterbating at the age of five 
But you know what? Take heart there is a way - his name is Jesus 
I've been brutally honest with God, in respect mind you - it's hard to be so broken and trying to be right. And it's harder still when you can't just say, "Wow I so totally feel like acting out".
Praise God you were spared so much by turning to God so young. I did not get saved until I was in my early twenties and I became voluntarily sexually active at the age of twelve.
God is no respecter of persons - if he did this for me, he will do it for you. Post here for accountability - I will be checking this forum from time to time. I came here because of my husband's issues but just felt it was time for me to offer my experience strength and hope to others in THIS area.
Wrestle with God for your blessing - I did and it worked.
Hugs and encouragement.
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lonelyheart
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| Joined: | Mon Jan 15th, 2007 |
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Posted: Thu May 3rd, 2007 10:12 pm |
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| I have been free since mid to late January of all sexual addiction, praise God! I completed the 60 day setting captives free course online. I never believed/trusted God that it was possible, but He is so good! Now He's helping me get my finances and eating habits under control. I trust that He can help me with this as well. Praise God, anything is possible with our God!
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forthelord47
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| Joined: | Sat Apr 7th, 2007 |
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Posted: Fri May 4th, 2007 03:44 am |
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Praise the Lord. We serve a mighty and loving God.
Marc
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truthseeker
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| Joined: | Tue May 16th, 2006 |
| Location: | New Jersey USA |
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Posted: Fri May 4th, 2007 06:38 am |
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Hi lonelyheart,
Praise God for this victory! And thank you for sharing it with us. Yes, I am here to support, weep with those who weep, but it is so encouraging to be able to rejoice with you.
TruthSeeker
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lonelyheart
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Posted: Fri May 4th, 2007 02:11 pm |
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| Thanks for the kind words and encouragement! I forgot to add that God has brought an amazing man into my life! He loves me as I am and knows all about the sins of my past. I never believed that I could experience such unconditional love and have a man in my life that is beyond my wildest dreams! We believe that we will be married in a year, God is so good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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seekinghealing
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Posted: Wed Jun 6th, 2007 04:24 am |
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| Good to see such a blessing in your life after a period of renewal. God is good, indeed!
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