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Grendel
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| Joined: | Tue Dec 26th, 2006 |
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Posted: Tue Dec 26th, 2006 10:06 pm |
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This response from Praise 6 is what needs to be said. In fact, it's almost something I'd expect to hear from my Pastor('s Wife, who counsels the women).
Thanks for IntheLight's postings, I'm really encouraged to see other women who struggle have boldly taken the steps to come out of the dark. I'm younger, a single woman who's 24, who is also struggling and have struggled since I was younger w/ masturbation-pornography temptations that have in a sense gotten progressively better (as in, less frequent, maybe an attack every few weeks/months as opposed to every day and a sense of disgust/shame afterwards and desire to stop) and in a sense progressively worse (over the years I've seen more and discovered more different types of content to explore).
Our church is wonderful, it's a community of love and I've been introduced to our Savior here. I was tearful the other day because I also felt the same as IntheLight, almost feeling like I need to stop or God's going to discipline me or I'm going to lose my salvation, or salvation was never really enacted. How could I do this when Christ has redeemed me and put Himself on the cross for me, just live ingratefully and forgetful of His grace? Yet when temptation strikes, I'm so weak and blank out and just follow my urges. I have changed in many other ways, and even in this issue it's now much clearer that it's something not in line with God. But it's so hard to change this particular area because as a single, you feel like you're not hurting anybody.
But what has stopped me from seeking accountability is that I'm fearful of the exposure. I know that whatever my pastors speak or do will be for my good, but I also feel they're not going to let me off easy, I almost fear that I might not be able to live w/ the sisters or be released from the worship team (which I guess would be right because how could I put my life on display when I'm deliberately sinning like this). I also feel like a fake in front of them because I've been a "good Christian" in other ways.
But what you said, about how there's a cost if we want to be free from this, really struck me. There was a cost, for God to free us from this, and He must have really, really wanted for us to be free because He sent His One and Only beloved Son.
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