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addict
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Posted: Mon Mar 20th, 2006 08:15 pm |
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| Would it be a sin to fantasize about having sex with your future husband?
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captivated
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Posted: Tue Mar 21st, 2006 12:16 pm |
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I have wondered about this with my husband as well, when things are not going well between us and come up with this. Since you're not married currently, I'd say that it would be sinful....and for me since I am, it may not be, but it is still not God's best! For some women who need encouragement with their sex drive.....to ponder being with their husbands may be a good thing....to prepare them to meet the needs of their spouse and bless their marriage, but when our spouse does not desire sex or when we are still single, God's best is truly to allow Him to fulfill our longings and desires to be wanted as women purely with Himself. Ask Him to show you His radical and healing love for you........and pure.....it is totally pure to be at His feet in intimacy.....to know His embrace as our Beloved......to have Him allow our pure touch at His feet.....and for our pain and brokenness, to know that the God of the universe allows our touch and tears and even kisses there, at His feet, and is blessed by it.....PURELY.....is such a blessing to my heart and draws me to worship Him in childlike faith. See the story of Mary at His feet in the Bible (John 12:1-8) or of the woman Jesus healed at His feet (Mark 5:21-43)....
God's created sex to be good in marriage for bonding, but outside of marriage, He longs to be the one to bond with us in radical love and purity emotionally and spiritually. I'm guessing there may be some wounds in your past which have heightened this longing to be wanted, but it really is natural for women to have these longings.....it's just what we do with them that affects our hearts and lives in every way. Have you ever sought counseling to process some of this? Several women have found the book "Captivating" by John and Staci Elderidge to be helpful in giving them a picture of God's heart for us as women, etc....
Blessings!
Captivated
Last edited on Tue Mar 21st, 2006 12:52 pm by captivated
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zech122
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Posted: Tue Mar 21st, 2006 07:15 pm |
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I am also a member of another group that is specifically for the girlfriends/wives of sex addicts, and this topic has come up on this group before. My husband also has gone throught he sex offender treatment group in our state, and was supposed to do an assignment in which was to come up with 2 deviant fantasies everyday for a week. He strongly objected to this assignment and wrote out his biblical reasons as to why it was wrong. Thankfully he had a Christian counselor and when he said he objected to the assignment, the counselor said, "You must be on chapter 8". The counselor said he forgot to warn my, that he only needed read the chapter and get out of it what he could, he didn't agree with the assignment either.
My husband and I discussed how fantasizing about someone basically turns them into an object and you don't really have that persons permission to do that. It may make a difference if spouses give each other permission for this to occur, but for me personally, I told my husband I wouldn't appreciate if he did this. My opinion would be that if you don't know who your future husband will be then there is no way that you could even ask him for permission for this and it shouldn't be done.
I agree that God's design for sex is within marriage, and not outside of marriage.
zech122
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Steve
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Posted: Sun Apr 2nd, 2006 03:31 am |
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In my opinion, yes it is.
How do you know that person is really going to be your husband ... until he's your husband?
One of the issues with fantasy (that I have found) is when I'm tempted to fantasize, there's usually a core feeling of hurt, pain or discomfort that I'm unwilling to face and take to God. Hence, I'm using fantasy thinking as a crutch - as a way to avoid what God wants to do in my life. There's no fruit in it, even if one is fantasizing about a person one is supposedly planning to marry.
Just my two cents. 
-Steve
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"Isolation is bad for any man, but for the sexual addict it is fatal." -Russell Willingham
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