| Author | Post |
|---|
sam
Member
| Joined: | Mon Oct 22nd, 2007 |
| Location: | USA |
| Posts: | 228 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: |    |
|
Posted: Mon Dec 3rd, 2007 02:43 pm |
|
i have seen others on here that has their own area to post updates on their progress and i decided that i need a place to list my victories and defeats. so here it is.
as i have said before, i am in my mid 30's and have an extremely STRONG sex drive. my h however is 41 and doesn't. we do have a very active relationship, but i always want more. he has told me that i act like he did when he was 18.
anyway, the past two nights, he has not felt like it. typically, when he's not in the mood, i wait for him to go to sleep and i m. i am happy to say that both nights, i started to do it, but i couldn't follow through with it. i just turned over and prayed. for me, it is very hard to talk to god when i am having these desires. thank god he gave me the strength to get through it. however, today i am really feeling tempted to act out.
i am continuing to pray for god to remove this cup from me...
Last edited on Fri Dec 21st, 2007 08:17 pm by sam
|
decide2love
Member
| Joined: | Mon Nov 6th, 2006 |
| Location: | Alabama USA |
| Posts: | 69 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Tue Dec 4th, 2007 11:25 am |
|
Victories and what seems to be defeats. We are never defeated, as long as we keep pressing in. You are doing well! I thank God for the victories in you, and ask Him to continue giving you His Grace so He can manifest His strength in your weakness.
Praying for you Sam.
|
sam
Member
| Joined: | Mon Oct 22nd, 2007 |
| Location: | USA |
| Posts: | 228 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Tue Dec 4th, 2007 02:15 pm |
|
hi decide2love,
thank you so much for your encouragement and especially the prayers. it is so nice to know that i have people lifting me up to the father. have a wonderful day!
sam
|
Paulos
Member
| Joined: | Fri Aug 24th, 2007 |
| Location: | USA |
| Posts: | 130 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Wed Dec 5th, 2007 03:12 pm |
|
Sam,
Since your main concern seems to be inappropriate fantasizing, you are wise to stay off porn, which feeds unrealistic and morally objectionable fantasies. You say your husband knows all about your problem. Is your relationship with him such that you would feel free to share with him the specific content of some of your dreams and wishes? Could the two of you fantasize together verbally or by love-letter, away from the context of the bed, to enrich what happens there? This might both stimulate his drive, and help you be more bonded to him, rather than separated from him in that which troubles you.
Was there any catalyzing event that explains the dramatic rise in your sexual urgency a few years ago? Not necessarily a positive development, but maybe a disappointment or wound of some sort, that you might be using sex to try to assuage? If you could identify this and share it with him too, it may ease the situation some.
|
sam
Member
| Joined: | Mon Oct 22nd, 2007 |
| Location: | USA |
| Posts: | 228 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Wed Dec 5th, 2007 04:05 pm |
|
thanks for the thought provoking questions paulos. my h's drive is pretty good and we have fulfilling encounters. it's just that, not to be crude but i could have sex everyday... multiple times a day... it's not that i am dissatisfied, it's just that i really want that feeling of climax. it's on my mind most of the time.
i have thought many times about what could have prompted this in me but i am at a loss of understanding it. i did however have a brush with death earlier this year and it did impact my behavior a lot but it doesn't explain it all away due to the change starting before that. but yes, after that experience my drive, fantasies, desire to look at porn, etc got bad enough that i realized i had a problem and needed help.
as far as fantasizing with my h, i have done that in the past and it does make the experience more passionate but it usually leads to a place that we shouldn't go. i can fantasize about places and things to do with him but when i give in to allowing my mind to create these fantasies, i usually wind up going too far with it, such as telling him what i have done with other women in the past, ect. it is a struggle for him too because he is aroused by these same fantasies.
|
sam
Member
| Joined: | Mon Oct 22nd, 2007 |
| Location: | USA |
| Posts: | 228 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Wed Dec 5th, 2007 04:41 pm |
|
| i really don't want to write this... i gave in. alone, frustrated, & irritated... now, instead of feeling better, i'm disappointed and embarrassed. i thought about not telling, but i know it's the only way i can become free of this.
|
Paulos
Member
| Joined: | Fri Aug 24th, 2007 |
| Location: | USA |
| Posts: | 130 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Wed Dec 5th, 2007 05:12 pm |
|
Almighty God, our heavenly Father, who of his great mercy has promised forgiveness of sins to all those who with hearty repentance and true faith turn to him; Have mercy upon you; pardon and deliver you from all your sins; confirm and strengthen you in all goodness; and bring you to everlasting life; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
|
sam
Member
| Joined: | Mon Oct 22nd, 2007 |
| Location: | USA |
| Posts: | 228 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Wed Dec 5th, 2007 05:20 pm |
|
thank you for the prayer, you'll never know how much it means to me.
i feel broken after giving in. i am so unworthy of what christ done for me. if only i could erase what i have done...
sam
|
Paulos
Member
| Joined: | Fri Aug 24th, 2007 |
| Location: | USA |
| Posts: | 130 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Wed Dec 5th, 2007 05:23 pm |
|
The Song of Solomon in the Old Testament gives a number of examples of healthy erotic fantasies, delicately clothed in symbolic imagery. Obviously there needs to be some direction, the mind can't be allowed just to wander into memories or wishes for forbidden acts. But to imagine beautiful situations and tender, satisfying encounters within the bounds of lawful, conjugal sexuality can be a godly exercise. Often it is only by channelling the mind into a proper desire for what is good that wayward desires for what is evil can be effectively driven away.
|
sam
Member
| Joined: | Mon Oct 22nd, 2007 |
| Location: | USA |
| Posts: | 228 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Thu Dec 6th, 2007 01:31 pm |
|
i feel so much better this morning. i confessed it to my h and god last night. i kept thinking about how what i did was placed on jesus' shoulders as he hung on the cross. i know that when i sin, it pains him. i don't want to cause my lord and savior any pain. i want to be a joy to him.
run from anything that stimulates youthful lusts. instead, pursue righteous living, faithfulness, love, and peace. enjoy the companionship of those who call on the Lord with pure hearts. 2 timothy 2:22
i pray that we all have a glorious day in the lord and that he will give us victory when facing temptations.
sam
|
sam
Member
| Joined: | Mon Oct 22nd, 2007 |
| Location: | USA |
| Posts: | 228 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Tue Dec 11th, 2007 09:24 pm |
|
i don't exactly know the words to say. i have given in to temptations several times in the past few days. i am wondering if i even have true remorse for my actions or if i just ask for forgiveness because i know it is wrong. if i'm just going through the motions and don't really mean my repentance, it is worthless. some days i feel strong and desire to be close to god, then others i want to indulge in things that are not right and push god aside. i need strength and mercy. mercy i do not deserve.
what paul describes in romans 7 is how i feel. i have a war waging in my mind. i want sin defeated, once and for all. i'm tired of the struggle.
|
Paulos
Member
| Joined: | Fri Aug 24th, 2007 |
| Location: | USA |
| Posts: | 130 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Wed Dec 12th, 2007 03:42 am |
|
Sam,
There are situations where one must ask forgiveness for the same offence seventy-seven times (Matthew 18:22)--a figure for an indefinitely large number--or even seven times in a single day (Luke 17:4). While it's good to check motives, it's not helpful to become introspective and try to gauge the depth of our sincerity. God requires a mustard seed and will take matters from there.
If our focus when tempted is only on whether to have or not to have a pleasant sensual experience it's natural to want to repeat it--the effect of what behavioral psychologists call positive reinforcement. Part of the art of overcoming temptation in this area is to broaden our focus so that we see the pleasant experience in its total context and with all its consequences--reinforcing an individual behavior that brings no deeper satisfaction in terms of bonding with another human being, but rather drives one ever further into personal isolation over time, the reinforcement cycle itself becoming ever more tyrannical in its grip. In this wider perspective, m. loses a great deal of its attraction.
|
decide2love
Member
| Joined: | Mon Nov 6th, 2006 |
| Location: | Alabama USA |
| Posts: | 69 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Wed Dec 12th, 2007 02:19 pm |
|
Sam, have you ever done a study on the "Fear of the Lord"? Hebrews Strong's number 3374
Prov 14:27 The fear of the Lord is a fountain of life, by which one may be turned from the nets of death.
Prov 16:6 By mercy and good faith evil-doing is taken away: and by the fear of the Lord men are turned away from evil.
Prov 19:23 The fear of the Lord gives life: and he who has it will have need of nothing; no evil will come his way.
Just wondering.
|
sam
Member
| Joined: | Mon Oct 22nd, 2007 |
| Location: | USA |
| Posts: | 228 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Wed Dec 12th, 2007 02:23 pm |
|
paulos, you are always so encouraging. thank you for taking time to reach out and minister to me about my situation.
i am trying to change my attitude about sex. i am so focused on achieving satisfaction that i forget the purpose of lovemaking. it's about bonding with my husband and enjoying each other in a way that should be beautiful and not corrupted. my heart wants it to be this act of love for each other. i know that my lust comes from the positive reinforcement that you mention. in the past, i would see something or think something that i shouldn't and would experience a climax and now, my mind wants to repeat this act. my heart wants to do right and be found faithful, but the flesh wants to give in to lust. i find that i am not on a day to day struggle, but a moment to moment. i can't let my guard down because that's when i fail.
god's blessings to you brother.
|
sam
Member
| Joined: | Mon Oct 22nd, 2007 |
| Location: | USA |
| Posts: | 228 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Wed Dec 12th, 2007 02:36 pm |
|
thank you too d2l. no, i haven't. i did do a study once but i can't remember the person's name who wrote it. she was a lady who had experienced sexual abuse like i and later in life, she became obsessed with porn. it was a very eye opening study. to be honest, i really thought i was the only woman in the world to ever have the sexual struggles that i have. sure, i knew other women had been sexually assulted but i never thought others had addiction to porn, etc. stupid, i know.
i will look into this. thanks again. btw, i am still in prayer for your family. i hope things are improving.
bless you.
|
decide2love
Member
| Joined: | Mon Nov 6th, 2006 |
| Location: | Alabama USA |
| Posts: | 69 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Wed Dec 12th, 2007 05:10 pm |
|
Actually, things are getting worse. I've asked the Lord to either change him or get him out of my life... and since that prayer, it's been worse.
Thank you for your prayers.
|
sam
Member
| Joined: | Mon Oct 22nd, 2007 |
| Location: | USA |
| Posts: | 228 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Wed Dec 12th, 2007 05:29 pm |
|
| you know, i hate to tell anyone to walk away from a marriage, but with all the things you have said about him, it might be the thing to do. if he can't be trusted to be around your own daughter, then things are far worse than a porn addiction in my opinion. i am proud of your prayer. i know god will lead you to the right decision. i have been praying not only for him to change but for god to comfort and strengthen you. just keep your eyes on the savior.
|
decide2love
Member
| Joined: | Mon Nov 6th, 2006 |
| Location: | Alabama USA |
| Posts: | 69 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Wed Dec 12th, 2007 08:40 pm |
|
Dearest SAM,
He can't be trusted around my daughter and he is violent with my son. Leaving him is an option, and it is one that I have put much prayer into and have fasted about. The safety of my kids is paramount to my decision. I had a dream this afternoon, during my nap, and in it my H was running from these people that wanted to capture him. In the middle of the dream I seperated from him and went in a different direction, so I would not be captured as well. From a distance, I could see him, like in the third person, and could see where he was at, and what he was doing. It was like he was in a labrynth of hallways and rooms on a hillside. At the end of the dream he was captured and I took off my wedding set and put it on my right hand, and then I put another ring, that I had hidden, on in it's place - on my left hand. I was hiding in the shadows and was not seen by his persuers. They carried him off and stopped searching for me.
I will admit... I am soon to be 45. I have fibromyalgia, and I am a disabled veteran. I'm not in a wheel chair, but holding down a full time job will be difficult. It's a little scary when I look at the whole picture. I would rather that my H change.
I will do what I have to do for my kids safety. My son has four years until he graduates high school, my daughter one. They want to stay in the same school, and I understand that, but with my H's tendancies toward violence, I don't know if that would be wise. She wants to join the Air Force and make me and my son her dependants for a few years... sweet and loving, but she would get tired real quick of having her mother around.
I will cross my bridges as I come to them, hope for the best, and be prepared for the worse. Life has been interesting, to say the least.
|
sam
Member
| Joined: | Mon Oct 22nd, 2007 |
| Location: | USA |
| Posts: | 228 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Wed Dec 12th, 2007 08:50 pm |
|
oh goodness. i wish i had the answer that would make all of your problems go away. i do understand your situation and my heart aches for you. as far as the fibromyalgia, i know several folks who have it and i know that it can be very hard to live with. for your being a veteran, i thank you. whether you served abroad or not, in war time or not, thank you for serving our great country.
you never know what god has in store for us. it might be his will that your daughter care for you until things change. i do know that he loves you and wants what's best for you.
|
decide2love
Member
| Joined: | Mon Nov 6th, 2006 |
| Location: | Alabama USA |
| Posts: | 69 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Wed Dec 12th, 2007 08:55 pm |
|
Thank you, I never looked at it as my daughter taking care of me until things change. I've been the mother for nearly 17 years... the reversal of roles in a humbling notion. 
D2L
|
Current time is 11:02 pm | Page: 1 2 3 4 5 6 ...   |
|
RSS