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sam
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Posted: Tue Jul 8th, 2008 05:30 pm |
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gosh, when will this nightmare end? the more i desire righteousness, the more i get tempted with acting out. i talked to my h about a period of celibacy at lunch and now all i want to do is go back to the old habit. the pull to go to certain websites is so great right now. i hate this crap!
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wishfull
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Posted: Wed Jul 9th, 2008 01:37 am |
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| Saitan knows how to tempt us!! but in truth we have to allow him to do so.Keep praying about it and reading your bible. Maybe a read -a-thon every time you get tempted till it goes away is in more order? its a area I know I need to work on personaly. Hugg
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sam
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Posted: Wed Jul 9th, 2008 01:17 pm |
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that is a good idea wishfull, thanks.
i am a little depressed about feeling the way i do plus i have a few other situations going on that are kinda getting me down. i have reached a point where i am tired of whining about this stuff. i want to take a break from posting about my struggle. besides, my storms thread has reached epic proportions. i would have thought by now things would be easier than they are for me. i mean i have been battling this for so long now. i no longer believe that i will be free one day. i have to be realistic and understand that this will be with me longer than i ever dreamed. i am envious of women who don't like sex. i wish i could go back to those days, life seemed so much easier then.
sam
Last edited on Wed Jul 9th, 2008 01:18 pm by sam
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truthseeker
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Posted: Wed Jul 9th, 2008 04:03 pm |
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Hi Sam,
I am praying that you will continue to sense God partnering with you in this struggle, and that you will not become discouraged.
Not that envy is ever in order, but in the spirit of what you mean, it is actually those who have learned to appreciate sex in its God-intended balance whom it would make sense to envy, as those who do not like it are in much conflict as well.
TruthSeeker
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sam
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Posted: Wed Jul 9th, 2008 04:41 pm |
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thanks truthseeker, you are very right. i am just really feeling discouraged about this "issue" right now. i also want to take back what i said about not believing i will ever be free, i do still expect that i will be free, i just hope i get that freedom on this side of heaven. i appreciate your prayers.
sam
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love&hate
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Posted: Thu Jul 10th, 2008 11:15 pm |
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Keep in mind that Satan is the father of lies. It is a fact that you can be free of this to the point of having a normal relationship with your husband. To believe that it is impossible to live free of lust is a lie.
I have believed the same lie. It usually comes when i am at the point of despair, when i so beaten down and feel so worthless. I feel then that i will P&M at the age of 40, 45, 50, 60, 70 etc and only death itself will end it.
If you want to take a break from posting that is fine. If you want to dry out with your husband that is an option. If you despair at times i understand. However don't believe the lie.
I am convinced that you are presently further ahead than you would be if you stopped fighting 1 year ago. You may not see it from your perspective... but you are. Sure you could give in and just try to chase your passions and see where that gets you... i gurantee you if you gave up for a year you would wish so much that you could come back to where you are today.
Don't believe the lie.
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sam
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Posted: Fri Jul 11th, 2008 11:26 pm |
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thanks for the encouragement love&. i am trying to hang onto the truth, but it is hard at times.
sam
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sam
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Posted: Thu Jul 31st, 2008 02:44 pm |
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well, since my last post here, i have done some pretty stupid things (again). i joined a website that i absolutely had no business going to in the first place and opened another yahoo account. i did more pics and chatted with more men. thank god he doesn't give up on me. he loves me even when i am unlovable. anyway, i had an awakening last night. i have been called to a greater purpose and i am not following his will. so yet again, i deleted my yahoo chat account and for once, it didn't hurt to do it. when i deleted the other accounts i had in the past, i would be in tears as i did it, but not this time. maybe this signifies a change in my heart. i certainly hope so. please keep on praying for me my brothers and sisters, i know the evil one lurks to destroy me.
many blessings,
sam
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truthseeker
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Posted: Thu Jul 31st, 2008 07:15 pm |
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Hi Sam,
Yes, I think having less struggle deleting the account is a good sign of what God is doing in your heart.
May He continue to make the very thoughts of chatting and pics be repulsive to you, and may He focus your eyes and heart on what his perfect will is in your life. Amen.
TruthSeeker
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sam
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Posted: Fri Aug 15th, 2008 11:23 am |
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still struggling and weary.
s
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Paulos
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Posted: Fri Aug 15th, 2008 03:11 pm |
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Hello, Sam.
Jesus isn't the giver of struggling and weariness. "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest" (Matthew 11:28). Are you seeking him with all your heart, or is the loyalty of your heart being pulled in more than one direction?
Sexual temptation promises fun but can only deliver it laced with wormwood.
Instead of "fun," Jesus promises joy, and this in turn takes away weariness. "Do not be grieved, for the joy of the Lord is your strength" (Nehemiah 8:10).
To love God is, among other things, to delight in what he delights in. He delights in chastity. Do you?
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sam
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Posted: Sun Aug 17th, 2008 05:47 pm |
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thanks paulos. you are asking me what i have been asking myself for quite a while now. sadly, i am still unsure of the answer. there are times that i do desire and love god with a passion, but other times i do not. times when i seek him with every fiber of my being and other times when i do not want to be near him because of the conviction i feel over my sin. i know god has not moved away from me, he is calling me and i have to throw down everything that takes my attention from where it needs to be.
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sam
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Posted: Mon Aug 18th, 2008 08:04 pm |
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over the weekend, i went a little further. pushing the envelope i guess. i tried something that i thought i wanted, but found it utterly lacking in satisfaction.
i do want to share a prayer that i prayed last night. i have been trying to figure everything out. my motives, my wounds, just everything that drives this addiction in me. i have been thinking that if i knew what my causes were, the triggers and all, that i would be equipped to rid myself of this. i am beginning to see i am wrong with that mindset. i don't have to understand this. i only have to give it all over to god. everything. once and for all. so i told god that i don't know what i need, but i trust that he does. i asked him to heal whatever wounds i have and teach me what i need to learn for me to get better. i am resting in the fact that he heard my prayer and will be faithful to me.
sam
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Paulos
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Posted: Wed Aug 20th, 2008 03:53 pm |
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Sam,
You're right. Self-analysis can be helpful but alone it isn't the solution. Daily cleaving to God is the core of all solutions.
When the personality is functioning as it should, the intellect apprehends God's ethical truth in its beauty, the affections respond with desire, and this rightly-directed desire gives momentum to the will to do the good. In our fallen state, however, the intellect is fogged by sin and deceived about where happiness is to be found, therefore the affections run after the wrong things and the will gets pulled off the rails, resulting in behaviors destructive of the created order, including the self. Listening to God in scripture corrects the intellect theoretically, but the affections don't fall into line at once out of their bad habits. In the early stages of rebuilding especially, the will has to follow the intellect directly and assert itself over rampant feelings. Otherwise it gets torn between the truth seen by the intellect, and the old habits desired by the affections.
How good are you at asserting mind over feelings? If you're a spontaneous person geared to the moment, this may feel extremely unnatural at first. Like being told by a violin teacher that your left elbow needs to be under the instrument it's holding, not out to the side where it feels comfortable. Only after hours of practice does it become plain that out to the side in fact hampers one's best efforts.
So also when we start responding to God's ethical will. Repeatedly, old cravings rise up and say, "But I really, really want such-and-such." One has to be authoritarian with oneself and say, like a strict mother, "No, that's not good for me. I won't do it no matter how my feelings might clamor. God's will for me in this moment is to be getting on with (whatever obligation I have to my spouse, family, employer, etc.). I'm going to put my heart into that instead."
The value of accountability is that others can help keep us undeceived about having made a sound decision to pursue God's will at times when we wonder, because it's so awkward and unnatural to our fallen nature, whether we're doing the right thing; and can cheer us on at critical moments when the will totters between leading the affections and following them. But self-analysis and accountability are only helps. At the end of the day it comes down to repentance that flows into obedience, and the point of orientation for both is God.
Last edited on Wed Aug 20th, 2008 04:03 pm by Paulos
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