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sam
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Posted: Tue May 13th, 2008 11:59 am |
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thanks truthseeker, i do need those prayers and i am expecting the evil one to attack with all his might. he wants to keep me in bondage to the sins that entrap me so i will be ineffective in the body of christ. no longer, i say.... i no longer want that life. i want freedom and i am finally tasting it.
sam
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sam
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Posted: Sat May 17th, 2008 03:27 am |
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i have been really struggling with the obsessive thoughts about wondering if the guys i talked to missed me, etc. when those feelings come up, i just try to take deep breaths and focus on something else. i do hope these feelings fade soon. i am not fooling myself tho, i know that i really meant nothing to them.
have fallen a few more times with masturbation, but nowhere near as much as in the past. not that i am making light of it, i know it is wrong and i want to reach a point where i can stop it as well.
i hope you all have a great weekend!
sam
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truthseeker
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Posted: Mon May 19th, 2008 05:27 pm |
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Hi Sam,
Yes, it was a nice weekend, thanks. I continue to pray for you.
You are absolutely right about whether they miss you--they miss you like most toddlers miss a toy that has escaped under the couch, quickly turning to the next play-thing that catches their eye.
Be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power!
TruthSeeker
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sam
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Posted: Fri May 23rd, 2008 10:22 pm |
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i have acted out pretty bad recently and i feel very guilty about it too. i'm not angry at god like i usually get after failing. maybe this is a part of my healing and signifies a change. i really don't know. i have to wonder if this addiction will be with me for the rest of my life or if it is something that will just eventually go away. i know that only time will tell. i just have to keep taking one day at a time and when i fall, i have to get back up and dust myself off.
sam
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Paulos
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Posted: Tue May 27th, 2008 11:42 pm |
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Sam,
Resisting the natural tendency to repeat an addictive behavior is hardest at first, and there are times when one simply has to act on the basis of cold knowledge even though to do so seems contrary to all feeling. Through consistent moral choices a new pattern gradually emerges and the old one slowly fades, but the two overlap for a long time. Eventually one's feelings fall into line and it becomes more natural to desire the good than the evil. But some negative patterns are so deeply ingrained that it takes a very long time indeed for them to lie down, and they may never be completely effaced until the day of resurrection.
This is the truth behind the scriptural phrase "those who have their faculties trained by practice [even better: "habit"] to distinguish good from evil" (Hebrews 5:14). This verse gives realistic hope that it can and will get better if you train yourself firmly. Of course in a deeper sense success depends ultimately on the God who will "equip you with everything good that you may do his will, working in you that which is pleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ" (Hebrews 13:21).
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sam
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Posted: Sat May 31st, 2008 01:49 am |
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i experienced something unusual the last time i acted out alone. i was wanting very much to numb my feelings and i ran back to the old familiar drug of choice. but i became so frustrated and kinda of angry at myself for not being able to let go of my emotions and just feel the pleasure of the moment. it was not a very pleasant experience for me. i don't know if this happened because i have been trying a little harder to keep my thoughts pure lately or not, therefore not having as much imagery to feed my desires off of. i can say that i have had several life changing things happen in a very short time lately and i am sure the stresses involved in that have played a part as well.
i am working on training myself to react differently with my urges. it is absolutely a very hard thing for me to do. a friend even suggested that i think of something disgusting when i am really hit with a lustful thought. it does work some, but i do think it is as you say paulos, it takes a while for these feelings to lie down.
i am fighting until i win!
sam
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Paulos
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Posted: Sat May 31st, 2008 10:55 pm |
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Sam,
More important maybe than thinking of something disgusting, is to think of anything at all other than the tempting possibility, ideally something totally absorbing that will draw your attention and energy to a good thing and keep them there. You always regret pursuing temptation afterwards. Have you ever regretted doing something worthwhile instead?
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sam
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Posted: Sat Jun 7th, 2008 01:11 am |
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how true paulos, i have never regretted doing something worthwhile. thanks for the advice.
well, another week of ups and downs. sometimes the temptation seems to be overwhelming and i do give in. other times, i am strong, but i do see those times less frequently than i would like. i really found that i had a lot of built up anger at god. that i go through times of lashing out at him and then i am pursuing closeness again. trying to bury my anger instead of dealing with it. after realizing this, i confessed it to god and asked that he help me to stop feeling this way.
sam
Last edited on Sat Jun 21st, 2008 10:07 am by sam
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sam
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Posted: Tue Jun 10th, 2008 02:03 pm |
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man, not my best day ever.. nor past few days actually. pressure beyond belief to do just down right stupid things. things i know better, but desire anyway. wanting to lash out at god again, wanting to cry out to him too. nothing seems to make sense to me right now. pray for me please.
sam
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truthseeker
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Posted: Tue Jun 10th, 2008 08:17 pm |
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| Sam, just wanted you to know you have been prayed for.
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sam
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Posted: Tue Jun 17th, 2008 01:16 am |
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thank you so much for your prayers truthseeker.
bless you all,
sam
Last edited on Sat Jun 21st, 2008 10:10 am by sam
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sam
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Posted: Sat Jun 28th, 2008 09:33 pm |
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not much acting out of late. i wish i could say that it is because i have found that it no longer has a pull on me, but sadly that is not the case. i have been too distracted with other things in my life. oh well, a victory is still a victory i guess.
sam
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wishfull
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Posted: Sun Jun 29th, 2008 10:40 pm |
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| maybe its Gods way of getting your attention, glad you have some time. Huggg
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sam
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Posted: Mon Jun 30th, 2008 09:29 pm |
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hey wishfull,
yep, god has been trying to get my attention through various dif ways lately. showing me just how much i try to depend on my own strength and the friendships of others to help me behave... seems like i would get the lesson sooner or later. oh well, i guess i can be a little hardheaded at times. one thing is for sure, i have the longing for him back in my heart now. so that is a little progress.
hugs back to ya!
sam
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sam
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Posted: Sat Jul 5th, 2008 04:58 am |
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well, i have been doing pretty good lately. i have been feeling the build up of not m'ing for a couple of days. (am rather proud that i have not done that since wed morning!) the hubby and i were alone this morning and we had a great encounter. i told him that i needed more attention from him. i must say tho that i am thinking that i might need to stop being intimate all together with him for a while. when we were making love, i really focused on self pleasure. it was not about sharing a beautiful experience like it should be. anyway, i am wondering if my cravings for orgasms is what leads me to m, is there really a difference in my getting them alone or when i am with him? i think about all the chemical reactions in your brain that lead to the high i get from this and i wonder if i gave myself some time off of those chemicals, will i eventually get better? i need to pray about it and see if it is something i need to try. have any of you tried this and achieved any success with it?
sam
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wishfull
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Posted: Sun Jul 6th, 2008 01:06 am |
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I dont honestly know i f that would work or not--my gut feeling is probably not --but who knows. God desighned sex for marriage to be shared between husband and wife. I dont know if seperating yourself away would help or not. Obviously you would need to get back to it sometime. If I did I would talk to your husband about what you are wanting to try so he doesnt get confused about it. Its a tough subject with no easy answers--Personaly I enjoy listening to my wife--thats a big part of my pleasure too. So im not sure concentrating on your self in the matter is a problem unless you ignore him and dont make sure he enjoys it too. Like ok i'm done gotta wash those dishes ect lol. I realy wonder if some other types of intamasy wouldnt help--like doing things together. Movies, bike ride, getting some custard, lol you get my drift. Hugg
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sam
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Posted: Sun Jul 6th, 2008 09:12 pm |
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i had the most remarkable experience at a concert this weekend. i really felt god move in my life for the first time in a very long time. anyway, i see now that i keep running to things to fill my needs. i run to masturbation, inappropriate relationships with men, but more than that, i run to several dif things in my life when i need to be running to god. he is the only one who can satisfy me. anyway, it was a wonderful experience and i am very thankful for it.
as far as a time of celebacy, i am leaning towards not refraining from sex at this time. i feel like i have to stop worrying so much about all of this. i just need to focus on god and let all the other things in life just work out according to his will. i put way too much effort into "things" and not enough into things that really matter.
thanks for your comments wishfull. my hubby and i are the best of friends and we enjoy each other's company. so much so that we always do things like that together. well, except for the custard thing.... you really are a pusher aren't you? lol! just teasing.
sam
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wishfull
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Posted: Sun Jul 6th, 2008 11:19 pm |
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Sounds like a healthy aproach to me sam. praying for you !! Hugggg
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love&hate
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Posted: Mon Jul 7th, 2008 05:11 am |
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Hey Samantha
I know one of the members at my sex addict group has not had any type of sex with his wife for a couple of years. For him he was at the point of desperation and this is part of his sobriety. He would like to have sex with her at times i know but is scared that will open up the whole lust thing for him.
I am not saying this is for you, just relating an experience of someone i know. It is somethat that both the Husband and Wife should agree upon for one.
I personally don't think that permanent sobriety from your wife or husband is biblical or an indication that you have been "healed" but some people feel that a there is a time and a place for a period of no sex to "dry out".
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sam
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Posted: Tue Jul 8th, 2008 02:54 pm |
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thanks guys for your input.
my hubby and i had a very passionate experience last night. all would have been great if i would have not started fantasizing. i really think that maybe god is calling me to refrain from sex for a little while to allow myself time to regain focus on what lovemaking is about. it should not be so selfish on my part. so, i plan on praying more about it and talking to my h to see if it really is what god wants from me.
sam
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