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Posted: Sat Sep 22nd, 2007 03:50 am |
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Umm hi everyone I'm Tiara and i dont know what to do i'm 17 and i've realized that i'm on the path to becoming a sex addict. The only problem
is because i haven't really had that much experience i'm not absolutely sure, I feel like i need to have sex and when i dont my body begins to get weak
and i get burning sensations from my hips down.
Today i woke up and started crying because i didn't have anybody around to have sex with me and i turned to an alternative of self satisfaction. When i was done i felt better , but i didn't get the satifaction that i wanted from it(so i just layed there and cried
some more), but what i'm really worried about is the fact that i dont seem to feel like i should ask God to forgive me(i've been working on buiding a relationship
with him since June), or that i should feel ashamed for it (although i know i should).
I haven't had sex with another person for a year and 2 months, i haven't kissed or made out with another person since July and now i'm trying
to get rid of the fantasies that i have in my head that seem to play over and over again but they wont go away.
Another problem i have is that i feel like my problem isn't that bad because in the past I would hardly participate, or avoid the situation, and i've said no.
Whenever i try to tell my friends about what my problem is they either say that they have the same problem, they say they dont want
to hear it , or they dont take it seriusly. When i told my mom she just told me it was hormones, i dont kno what to do , somebody please explain this
to me. : (
Last edited on Sat Sep 22nd, 2007 03:47 pm by truthseeker
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truthseeker
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Posted: Sat Sep 22nd, 2007 04:01 pm |
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Hi Tiara,,
I am sorry if it seems unwelcoming to greet you with having to move and edit your post. I hope that some of the ladies who have been through similar struggles can be of help to you.
I needed to edit your post because there are men on the forums who are also trying to recover from similar issues, and we do not want to provide any food for their fantasies. I hope I have left the most important points and remained true to your experience.
Be assured that God's arms are always open wide to forgive any who seek forgiveness. Perhaps, if your mom is not understanding the intensity of the struggle, a woman who is mentoring you in your walk with God could help. Also, you might consider whether there are other things in your life, emotional pain/emptiness for instance, which are causing you to try and fill a void with this "pleasure."
Praying for you...
TruthSeeker
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Journey
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Posted: Tue Sep 25th, 2007 02:39 pm |
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Hi, Tiara,
I wanted to welcome you and thank you for reaching out on this site. I appreciate your honesty. I too had many questions at 17 yrs of age, and no one to answer them. I have struggled with masturbation and fantasy for 30 years and God is freeing me from this now at the age of 43.
I was wondering if you could clarify a couple of things. You said that you don't think you should ask God to forgive you. Do you mean forgive you for the fantasies? Or for having sex? Or something else? I just want to understand better.
Also, you said that you know you SHOULD feel ashamed, but I'm understanding that you don't feel ashamed. Am I understanding right? That you don't feel ashamed at all? Why do you think you SHOULD feel ashamed? Because of something you've heard others say?
I would also like to hear a little more about your relationship with God. When did you first come to know Him? Are you in a church or Bible study group of any kind?
Sorry for all the questions.  I want to know how to help. Be sure to talk with our loving Heavenly Father every day, He knows our hearts, and He will lead you to the answers your heart longs for.
With Christian love,
Journey
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Hello
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Posted: Wed Sep 26th, 2007 03:19 am |
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thank u for ur reply.
i feel i should feel ashamed mainly beca.use i whenever i get weak i feel like the reason that i'm acting that way is because i dont really want to stop(which is also why i dont want to ask God to forgive, because if i keep doing it by choice then i must have no intention of changing) I dont feel ashamed because i was raised in a household where sex is considered "something that can be done for fun as long as you're responsible about it." no one that i know has told me that i have a problem when i tell them about it though.
Also whenever i do get weak and give into temptation, or try to "fix the problem" i dont repent to God for my weakness, i jus kinda feel a little more dead inside.( i dont know if that answers your question or not). I also dont feel like i should apologize for my sexual past, i feel like i should apologize simply for letting control me, and using sex to make me feel like i have a purpose instead of trying to find God
I dont go to church, but i do have a youth group that i've been going to since August 5th, and i try to read my Bible every day, i've also read "Every Young Womans Battle: how to keep your mind, body adn spirit sexually pure" and "The Purpose Driven Life". I went to a Catholic School at age 4 to age 10 when i lived in Australia(i'm not Catholic though, the school just wasn't very strict on who joined)
once again thank you for offering your advice to me because i'm really lost
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Journey
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Posted: Thu Sep 27th, 2007 09:30 pm |
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Thanks for sharing more, that helps clarify where you're coming from. I can see that you have a sincere heart for God and I appreciate that. I know that I don't have all the answers, but I will try to comment and trust that God will use what I say.
I'll just pick one thing as I do not have alot of time right at this moment. You expressed that you "don't repent to God", and "don't want to ask God to forgive". I just want to assure you that if you are a follower of God and a child of His, if He is Your Savior because you have put your faith in Him, then you can relax in His love and grace for you. You can come to Him just as you are, and tell Him what you are feeling, thinking, experiencing, struggling with, etc. He died on the cross to save you, and He will do the work of transforming your heart in His time. Philippians 1:6 says "And I am sure that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on that day when Christ Jesus comes back again. (that is the New Living Translation)
So be encouraged that God is working in you every day, even when you don't see it. And that He is doing the same in all of us, we are all in this process. It is a "journey" with God, a love relationship with Him. God wants your heart, He wants you to love Him and express your love to him first of all. Then He will speak to you about the other things in your life that He wants to address.
Can you identify what is in your heart right now, not the shoulds and the can'ts and the don'ts, but what is in your heart for God? Do you love Him? Are you afraid of Him? Do you want to please Him? Do you long to know more of Him? Whatever it is, tell Him, and ask Him to show you each day what is the next "step" for you to take on this journey.
That's so great that you are reading God's Word as often as you can, and going to youth group. I will ask God to give you friends who will encourage you as well.
With love,
Journey
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Journey
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Posted: Sat Sep 29th, 2007 08:58 pm |
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Hi, Tiara, how are you today?
I wanted to say a little about repentance. Again, I really don't think I have all the answers, I will just try to share things that have been helpful to me.
You mentioned you were raised in a home where sex was considered "something that can be done for fun as long as you're responsible about it". My home was very different, so I can't say that I understand how that was for you. In my growing up years, it was wrong to even talk about sex, much less express your sexuality in any way. So I had a lot of false guilt, thinking that even my sexual desires were sin.
In a way, I envy how you were raised to view sex as a good thing. Because God created it to be a good thing, something wonderful for us to enjoy. It has taken me a long time to understand this, because I saw sex as a dirty thing, and I saw my desire for sex as a bad thing.
So how does that relate to repentance? Repentance is a changing of your mind, a turning of your heart, and I think it involves a work of God combined with a choice of your will. Repentance is turning from what we have believed that was false, and turning to God's truth. For me, repentance involved (among other things) changing my understanding of sex, coming to believe that it is a good thing, and believing that my sexual desires are a good thing.
For you, repentance will probably involve (among other things) learning what God says about sex in His Word, and agreeing with God that His way is right. Also learning what His plan is for you when it comes to sex, and agreeing to follow it. You said you have read "Every Young Woman's Battle", so I know you've taken some time to look into what God wants. I'm wondering, though, if you are somehow feeling pressure to make this process happen too quickly? It is a process and it often takes time, altho I have heard of some people who believe in God and get changed overnight miraculously, but that doesn't seem to happen too often.
But something very important that I want to say, is that when you hear a truth from God's Word, and you realize you are not living up to that standard, what do you do then? As I was growing up, I always felt that I should change immediately, and I would try very hard to "obey" God in whatever I would hear from Scripture. I did not succeed very well and I became a very "tired" Christian. I am coming to see that the first and most important thing we need to do is to be honest with God about where we are at, that it is ok to pray something like: "God, I know your Word says that my body is your temple and that sex outside of marriage is sin, but I like it and I want it and I have done this many times and I'm not even sure that I need to ask forgiveness for this. But God, please work in my heart by Your Spirit, and teach me Your way, and help me to repent, and show me how to live in a way that is pleasing to You.
I hope this may help a little. Let us know how you are doing.
Remember, God loves you! He smiles when you show up! He wants you to enjoy Him, to enjoy a love relationship with Him!
Journey
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Hello
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Posted: Sun Sep 30th, 2007 10:07 pm |
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thank u for the prayers, and the advice on prayer because what to say to God is definitely something that i keep struggling with(although not recently because my family went to a log cabin and i spent my spare time there talking to God and trying ot understand my Bible better, i actually feel way less hopeless than i did before , and like i have a better connection with God because of it)
Also i read your post "Praise for Healing" and i'm happy for the ways that God has helped you in ur life and very thankful you took the time to share what you have learned from your struggles with me. May he continue to bless your life, and help you with your struggles.
Last edited on Sun Sep 30th, 2007 10:07 pm by Hello
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Diane
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Posted: Sun Oct 28th, 2007 04:59 pm |
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| Hi there Hello.... I hope you don't mind my asking... but can you tell me if you've had any sexual abuse in your past?? Diane
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Diane
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Posted: Sun Oct 28th, 2007 05:04 pm |
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Hi again... the reason I was asking that question is because painful issues such as sexual abuse or any kind of abuse for that matter... we can end up turning to other things to medicate the pain in our lives... drugs/alcohol/sex/porn-masturbation/food/shopping and the list can go on... for myself as a teenager of turn to porn/masturbation... and I've learned all the different reasons how I've used sex to medicate alot of pain in my life... so that is why I was asking if you had any kind of abuse in your past... how has life been for you?
Diane
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Hello
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Posted: Thu Nov 1st, 2007 12:52 am |
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hi: ) thank u for taking time to offer me some advice
no i've never been sexually abused, me and my brother use to get into serious fights were he would choke me, and threaten me with knives, and hit me with lots of stuff, but i dont know if that counts because i think most siblings fight like that. so thats bout the closest i've ever come to abuse, besides that my life has been pretty good( i think) : )
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truthseeker
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Posted: Thu Nov 1st, 2007 02:10 am |
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No, most siblings do not fight like that. those abusive behaviors could have left you seriously enjured or dead, and I am alarmed that your parents did not put a stop to it. I cannot comment on whether or not it is connected with what you are going through now, but it is possible. That must have been very frightening!
TruthSeeker
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Diane
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Posted: Sun Nov 4th, 2007 01:11 am |
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Hello... I agree with Truthseeker on this one... what went on between you and your brother was not normal... You experienced physical abuse at his hand... the choking, threatening with knives, hitting with objects... no sweetie... that is not normal...
The intense fear that physical abuse instills in your heart... your personal space was violated young lady... your body was violated... maybe not sexually as you said, but physically, you were abused... no person has a right to hurt you as such... and for you to think that was normal concerns me...
I believe any kind of abuse tears apart at your value and worth... those were painful and frightening experiences!!! How did you deal with it???
Is your brother older then you?? How old were you when this started happening? Did you tell your parents what was going on???? and is it still going on???
What was (is) your relationship like with your Dad? What was (is) your relationship like with your Mom? Did you witness any physical fights between your mom & dad and/or any other family members?
I know these are alot of questions... but if you can sit down and simply share how some of these things came about it would help me get a better picture of what you grew up with in your relationships, what you were taught and what you were exposed to... Diane
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Diane
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Posted: Sun Nov 4th, 2007 01:22 am |
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Hello Tiara... one more question... I hope you don't mind my being so forward and personal... but you did come on this sight for help...
When did you first become sexually active... under what circumstances... Did you have more then one relationship / partner? Did your parents know you were having sex? Were you ever encouraged to have sex when you really did not want to?? were you ever drugged or coerced into it??
thanks for being so open and honest with me (us)... Knowing some facts and circumstances helps us to help you better... We care and we want to understand... then we take it from there...
I'm blessed that you are seeking a relationship with God... He loves you so, so much... you are beautiful in His sight... you are so precious, you have value and worth... Keep in touch with us... we want to know how you are doing....
Luv Ya!! Diane
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Posted: Thu Nov 8th, 2007 02:35 am |
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My mom and dad were never married and he never really played a big role in my life. He did however make efforts to come and visist me and my brother and now he is guiding me on my path build a relationship with God. I had a step father when i turned 6 or 7 and then i got a new one when i was 11. He's in Iraq (as a civilian contractor) so he's not around alot either.
My brother was younger than me and my mom didn't know what was going on(i wouldn't tell her and she was a single mother) and when she would hear us fighting she wuld usually protect my brohter(cuz he was the baby) but the fighting ended when we moved in with my current dad (i was in 8th grade or 9th) and we got into a big fight so i finally hit back and my dad took my side so my brother stopped hitting me after that. I guess i just got over it with time
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Posted: Thu Nov 8th, 2007 02:50 am |
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umm do u say sexually active do u mean with other people(10 grade) or does mb count??
two guys i was in a relationship with both of them(at different times) in the first relationship he was my first everything(kiss, ect) after our first make out i was ready for more so i challenged him to get past the shorts and the second time i called him and asked him if he wanted to (this was a day or two after he broke up with me)
the second guy had problems getting it up so i would get really upset about that and i broke upo with him because i told him no and then he put his hand around my neck and started kissing me and telling me he was tired of my games and then he had sex with me anyway and when he saw me crying he just kept going but he still couldn't get it up(but it wasn't rape because even though i didn't want to i still participated in it) and i haven't had sex since then.
i dont know if any of that matters or not
my mom didn't know for sure that i was sexually active until the day i had accepted Jesus in my heart as my savior and i told her i was planning on remaining cellebent till marriage. I've never done drugs or been drunk around guys.
Right now i'm in a relationship and we have physical boundaries and he respects them, at first they were kind of laxed but i had to get stricter on them so we dont do anything but cuddle and hold hands.
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sam
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Posted: Thu Nov 8th, 2007 03:19 pm |
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by telling the guy no, he shouldn't have gone any farther. by participating in it, i'm not exactly sure what you mean... but if you said no and meant no, which apparently you did since you were crying, it is rape.
since you are 17, the stuff you are experiencing is a normal part of growing up. i agree with your mom, some of it is because of hormones. but we also live in a sex saturated society. every where we look we face advertisement that targets having sex appeal... buy this lipstick and your lips will be irrestible to your man....on & on... we get the message countless times each day that we have to have a significant other... premarital sex is applauded in movies & tv... from a very early age, we are fed this message and it is hard to move past it. it is so wonderful to hear that you are pursuing a relationship with god and that you want to save yourself for your husband. god will give you the strength you need to get through the tough times. we all mess up and the great thing about god is that he keeps on loving us no matter what. a good prayer for you would be to ask god to help you feel true remorse for when you slip. if you don't really feel sorry for what you do, it is hard to keep yourself from doing it again. the boundaries that you have set with your boyfriend is a step in the right direction. you have to have a plan for what to do in a tempting situation. i will be in prayer for you.
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