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redeemed
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| Joined: | Mon Jul 9th, 2007 |
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Posted: Tue Jul 10th, 2007 04:15 pm |
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This is my first post, I have been reading on the site for a week or so. I actually found this site because I came across a copy of the book Road to Grace and saw the web address.
I am 42, have been a Christian for 37 years, and have struggled with fantasy and masturbation off and on since age 12. I would probably be addicted to pornography as well but with several children and a small house, there's no privacy.
I have been married for 20 years, to a Christian man who is wonderful in many ways. We spent 9 years in Christian ministry at one point. But sadly he has not known how to connect emotionally with me or the children.
I am so glad to find a place where Christians are talking about this. For so many years I thought I had made up the idea to fantasize and masturbate because I never heard women talk about it.
I don't have any terrible horror stories in my past, just a Dad who was not able to show love or connect emotionally and wounded me with his his sarcastic comments about me and his apparent irritation if ever I seemed to be needy.
Last year I fell to fantasizing about a friend's husband, we all got together often and I let it become a full-blown emotional affair in my mind. Then I was terribly tempted to see if I could "win" him in actuality. Fortunately I found someone in our church to talk to who listened and didn't judge me, but they are not available very often. They suggested I see a counselor, and I am now in counseling.
My husband was very devastated when I told him about the emotional affair. But at least he is supportive of me seeking help. It is a very hard time in our marriage, though.
I'm seeing that I have a deep-seated mistrust of God in my heart even tho I love Him and He is my Saviour. It is so scary to think of taking that leap of faith that it will require for me to fully trust God. I'm also afraid I will mess things up. God has encouraged me with the verse in Isaiah 43:2 "Do not be afraid, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are Mine."
I have been fantasy and M free for about a week, but am constantly tempted. Please pray for me. It's helpful to know there are people who understand. Thanks.
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Tears4Us
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Posted: Tue Jul 10th, 2007 06:18 pm |
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| Hi Redeemed and welcome to the forum. Sounds like you are making the right steps to overcome this addiction. You are in my prayers.
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Journey
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| Joined: | Mon Jul 16th, 2007 |
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Posted: Tue Jul 17th, 2007 01:34 pm |
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redeemed has changed to Journey, I couldn't get logged back in as redeemed.
I have read previous posts in this thread of Women Who Struggle with Sex Addiction, but it seems like there are not many women posting here these days. Anybody out there? 
I recently read the book Every Woman's Battle and it made alot of sense. I find tho that even being a Christian for more than 30 years, I have a very hard time seeing God as intimate with me.
Last night I returned to the fantasy for a taste of intimacy. I had been 2 weeks w/o falling to that.
Sorry if this sounds negative, I'm just feeling discouraged today.
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truthseeker
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| Joined: | Tue May 16th, 2006 |
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Posted: Tue Jul 17th, 2007 02:02 pm |
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Hi Journey,
Sorry about calling you brother in the prayer request thread. The rest of the prayer is the same.
Unfortunately, women who struggle appear here infrequently, and only occasionally at the same time.
TruthSeeker
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Journey
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Posted: Tue Jul 17th, 2007 03:48 pm |
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| I appreciate your prayers so much, truthseeker and Tears4Us. I am seeing a counselor every week but the only accountability partner I can find doesn't struggle with SA at all, and has her own struggles as well that distract her. I really do not think I could handle a group with men in it (no offense, guys ), I think I would like to find a women only group but that is a little scary also. Our church doesn't have anything for women.
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