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soonerbaby
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Posted: Wed May 16th, 2007 07:22 am |
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Hello to all, i hope I am in the right place for help. Let me start at the beginning. My huband and I got married at 18 and 17 years of age. We arleady had our son when I was 16. As I left my teens behind, I had an affair with another married man, who married his wife under the same conditions. I already had a "thing" for porn, and I had jsut learned how to make myself orgasm with masturbation. I went many years (I was 19 when I had the affiar, and I am now almost 30) with never cheating, just using porn as something to turn me on and masturbate to. My husband knew about this, and was fine. He also told me after the first affair, if I did it again he was leaving!
Well, we recently moved to a new town. His subordinate and I seemed to flirt and get along very well. He was very cute, and I flirted back. This was back in July. We began having sex in the evenings when I would take trips to the store. It was very random at first, then it got to be more and more often. He was VERY open in bed, and always wanted to try odd things. As time went on, I found out he was doing extensive lying to me, his girlfriend, his boss (my hubby). I could not make myself stop having sex with him. I tried, but the "drug" took over my mind. I never let this take away from my children, and I was very good at keeping this secret. His girlfriend found out about the affair through an email she found. He had a bad history of cheating.
I finally told my husband the other night and we was obviously devastated. I am ready to let God into my heart, I have been for awhile now, but have always felt like a hypocrite not telling my husband about the affair. Odd thing is, the other guy;s girlfriend and I are SOO on the same page, we get along great. Well, the other guy was asked to resign his job due to having an affair with his boss's wife. I am just hoping God can get me through this......I know He can. I will continue my story as time goes on, this is getting long. Thanks so much for listening/reading......I will continue another day.
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truthseeker
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| Joined: | Tue May 16th, 2006 |
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Posted: Wed May 16th, 2007 08:20 am |
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Hi soonerbaby,
Welcome to BlazingGrace.
I'm sure, on one level, you are relieved to have told your husband, and that is, of course, such an important step. God is always there for you, just waiting for you to return his love, even if your husband follows through with his long ago intention to leave should there be another affair.
Have you started to explore the roots of these struggles? I am guessing that something fueled your inclination to be sexually active and marry at such a young age. Have you gathered information on counselling and/or recovery programs in your area?
Praying for you...
TruthSeeker
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soonerbaby
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Posted: Fri May 18th, 2007 05:34 am |
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My husband and I have our first Marriage couseling session on Monday. I am sure it will bring out lots of pain, but we have to get past this. We love each other, I am just tired of my addiction controlling me. I mean, I really felt as if I could not stop having sex with this other man. I would try with all my might, but I would always end up back in his bed. Now, with God on my side (He has never NOT been on my side, but I have never let Him be on my side) and my husband's love and support......with cousel and medication, I think I can do it. I could never do it alone. I have a long road to hoe, but I will get there. Phil. 4:13
Also had a question......has anyone ever attended SAA meetings? What are they like? Are they beneficial to women? I would think it would be a predominetly male atmosphere, and that scares me. Thanks and God Bless!
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truthseeker
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Posted: Fri May 18th, 2007 01:06 pm |
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Hi Soonerbaby,
Yes, it is my understanding that there are some separate gender meetings, and that that is the best way to go. The link below has links to many different recovery meetings.
http://www.saahelp.com/Recovery/12_Step_programs/12_step_groups_and_programs_main_page.htm
Praying for your upcoming counselling session...
TruthSeeker
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justme
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Posted: Fri May 18th, 2007 09:14 pm |
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Hello Soonerbaby,
You're taking a really good step coming to this forum--welcome. As far as SA groups that are only women--guess that would depend on what's available in your area. Another group to consider might be Celebrate Recovery which is offered in many churches now with separate groups for men and women.
Just Me
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soonerbaby
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Posted: Sun May 20th, 2007 05:48 am |
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I looked at a few of those, and some of the links are overlapped. Meaning that they are all the same groups, just different sites. I have decided to wait and see what my couselor say he thinks I should do. I just do not feel exactly where I fit into the spectrum of a Sex Addict. I mean, I am not a compulsive masrutbator. I do mastrubate, but maybe only 1 or 2 times a month. My husband supports me in that part of our sex life. Yes, sometimes I am alone, and sometimes I am with him while I do it. I am also not the type of person that constantly has to have porn infrom of them......I can go weeks without looking at porn, and it does not bother me a bit. Then a day hits, I am usually bored....and a watch a little and masterbate. My husabnd knows about that and has never worried much about it.......but then I could not stop having sex with this other guy. It was not like I was getting an emotional connection out of it. He was cold and not real nice....yet the drug kept the endorphins in my brain high! Where do I fit? I am not a HUGE porn fan, a frequent masterbator, or voyeur or exhibitionist.....jsut a woman that got high off having sex with a man I should not have......My counselor is going to be a busy man!
Thanks and God Bless!!!
Soonerbaby
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