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blonderachie
Member
| Joined: | Wed Oct 12th, 2005 |
| Location: | Tucson, Arizona USA |
| Posts: | 25 |
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| Mana: |    |
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Posted: Wed Oct 12th, 2005 07:47 pm |
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| Where do I start? I am 27yrs old. Well, I have always been a very sexual being. Even as a child I remember masterbating (even though I did not know what it was). I grew up as a pastor's child so I was never introduced to porn or anything like it. I got married when I was 19. On our honeymoon I guess that is where I got started. I got drunk in our honeymoon suite and was flipping through the channels on T.V. and came across scrambled images of a porn channel. I told my new husband that I wanted to watch and he was shocked! Within 6 months I decided to rent a porn video and we both loved it. We continued this for about 3 years. We were letting our minds wander and started thinking about bringing in a 3rd person and things like that. We knew that we had crossed so many lines so we decided together to stop. Well, it has been 4 years since that time and I have been clean. Not to say that I dont have temptations, but I have resisted the urges. I started to play checkers on line and was drawn into Cyber sex. I loved it. I told my husband after about 3 weeks of it. I was totally addicted. He came clean with me that he has been looking at porn and masterbating for the last 4 years! I was shocked! That turned into anger and I went to the Cyber sex again. I was doing it to get back at him knowing full well that I was hurting myself in the process. We are trying to keep open comunication about it all. He wont get an accountability partner and it makes my struggle even harder. It makes me want to shut down emotionally. If I dont feel like he is working his butt off then I want to indulge myself. I know it is wrong. We did put Covenant Eyes on both of our computers. We also talked to our pastor, but he does not know what to do for us. I need help but dont know where to start.
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Praise6
Moderator
| Joined: | Sat Jul 16th, 2005 |
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| Posts: | 105 |
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Posted: Fri Oct 14th, 2005 11:58 am |
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I had to start in the Word. Actually, I didn't start there with my addictions but I sure ended up there because nothing else worked.
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