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Pounamu
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Posted: Sun Apr 22nd, 2007 01:01 pm |
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I have been with my partner for 15 yrs. During a weekend away Sep05 my partner and a friend of his looked at Porn. On discovery of the DVD his answer was He was looking at it but I wasn't really into it. He has been on the Internet(2hours first time) and when caught replied it kept coming up I was trying to get out of it. Last year he spent a very large sum of money on Chatsex within 2 months. He also went to Porn on the Internet again recently, this time for most of the morning and some of the afternoon. Of course he said He never went there until I checked History.The Phone bill had WAP to which I found out he has been looking at Wallpapers of Semi-naked women. This has been going on for nearly 8 months. Confirmed by a good friend, that yep all his workmates know about it. Glad she told the truth.
Can a man really change and make me feel good about myself.
I have had the put downs and constant behavior that comes with this Addiction. I have had suicidal feelings not feeling appreciated for who I am. I know it is very wrong to do such an act. I am hurt.
I even went to sites myself to see why he would go there. That wasn't any help. I was glad to find this site. I have prayed for change. He says He loves me....but I'm not sure anymore and need support from those who maybe able to do so. He loves his children and doesn't want to lose us.
He is away on a work trip, honest, but I am not sure if I trust him like I did before I found out how bad his Addiction is. Most of my good friends tell me He'll do it again and to leave him. I have always loved him for who he is but I feel different about my feelings for him now. I'm still not sure how to handle things when I see him.
Thank you for all your support and Bless you all.XX
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truthseeker
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| Joined: | Tue May 16th, 2006 |
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Posted: Sun Apr 22nd, 2007 08:15 pm |
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Hi Pounamu,
I try to make each message personal, but have just written a lengthy one addressing similar issues, so suggest you read the recent posts, as well as the articles on the BG homepage. Yes, if he will take recovery seriously, there is hope for recovery, and healing of your relationship. What I need to point out, though, is that even in a healthy relationship, how you feel about yourself must not be based on your partner's behavior. This has not been one of my struggles, but others for whom it has been recommend a book called Captivating which you should be able to find at
http://www.christianbook.com
Praying for you...
TruthSeeker
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Pounamu
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Posted: Mon Apr 23rd, 2007 01:22 pm |
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I had text sent to me saying he played around on me and that number that was on a recent bill I had no recollection of.......it was the text no!!!
Is this all a nightmare? I am not sure no at all.
What do I believe NOW?
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truthseeker
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Posted: Mon Apr 23rd, 2007 01:38 pm |
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Hi Pounamu,
It sounds like it is time to confront him with what you know. Only you can determine what boundaries/consequences you must set in order to continue with him, but if anything physical is involved, both of you must be tested for STD's.
Praying for you...
TruthSeeker
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clean2day
Member
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Posted: Wed Apr 25th, 2007 08:47 am |
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Chat and P* does not mean that he has cheated on you, but it also does not mean he hasn't. Only he can tell you. I do know that chat and porn will lead to the temptation to cheat. My def. of porn is different than what you will find else where but it is the way it is for me.
Porn - whayever that leads me to not be happy in what God has given me. My wife, job or even unhappy in a lifestyle I know to be good and above average.
What porn took me was almost to the point where I wanted to cheat on my wife. In fact I had even set up a couple places to find someone else, eventhough I still loved her. I did not want to lose her. That is what lead me to seek freedom in Christ. Lead me to cry out and try to find some help, I walked a plank that could have ment desaster. I had talked to one minister and all he could tell me was what my wife had been saying for almost 30 years. "Why don't you just stop?" Wish I could.
This time I was led to a minister that knew what it was, both he and his wife gave us counceling that brought us closer than we had been in the beginning. Even though I do not believe in it I wish in luck. May Jesus lead both of you to a hill outside of His Holy city and to victory.
One place that helped me was http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com There 2 courses one The Way Of Pirity for him if he wants to be free. A United Front for you. The 2nd will help you inderstand what he is fighting and how you can help, if he wants help. It is free and the courses take about 60 days. You both will have a mentor to help and it is all Bible Based. They do not call it an addiction but sin, which it is <enough for the ad> Sorry for stealing your post
C2d
____________________
"When you need a victory, Jesus gives it.
When you need a friend, Jesus will be there.
When you need to talk, Jesus will listen.
And if you need to cry, Jesus will hold you close.
Rev E. O. Hilt 1908 - 1988
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Pounamu
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Posted: Thu Apr 26th, 2007 07:14 am |
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Some people haven't been nice at all. The phone was a previous phone owned by a close friend which was lost. Someone decided to send this message which isn't true, no-one is the circle knows about this so-called affair.....
The lovely woman got a text with the same message, as did her sister and other people.
It made my skin crawl to think some-one would be so nasty.
Thank you for your kind support. It has helped me to understand myself more.
May god bless you all and may your kindness be rewarded. Thank you.
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