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Billyeah
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Posted: Fri Sep 23rd, 2005 08:08 pm |
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| We all know what viagra does and I was just wondering if there was a drug that could lower a persons sex drive? My wife and I are not well matched at all. I would like it every day, and she once told me she would never need it for as long as she lived. As a result of this we don't make love that often and when we do I can tell she is doing it out of compultion. So I figure instead of trying to get her to come up to my level, I would rather come down to hers. (sex drive wise) That would help me with other sex related issues. Any thoughts?
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Scott
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Posted: Wed Oct 5th, 2005 10:30 pm |
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There are anti-libido drugs. They aren't particularly attractive, but they're available if you can get a prescription. I've read that it's very difficult to find a doctor who will take you seriously if you request them, though.
The one I've heard about that's phasing out is depoprivera (or something similar). It used to be used as a birth-control shot for women. It has nasty side-effects.
The newer drug is called Androcur. You can look it up online. It's an "androgen inhibitor". Androgen is one of the primary hormones responsible for male traits, such as deep voice, muscle mass and muscle tone, facial hair, libido, potency, and genitalia, etc. Side effects include weight gain, voice fluctuation, muscle loss, loss of libido (which is the primary goal for most of us), impotence, and shrinking in size of testicles and penis. The obvious emotional side-effect is the emasculation.
I'm considering this drug seriously to assist me in my efforts to recover. Hence the research.
I hope this helps!
Scott
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Billyeah
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Posted: Fri Oct 7th, 2005 05:57 pm |
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| Whoa! too many side effects for me! I still would like to keep my masculine traits but just lose that sex drive. Probably not possible. though with God anything is possible.
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Scott
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Posted: Fri Oct 7th, 2005 06:49 pm |
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No doubt. Chemical castration incurs a very heavy cost, for sure. I really, really, REALLY don't want to turn to it.
But if it will help, I will consider it. I'm long past being hesitant to grasp at straws. 
I wouldn't recommend chemical castration for any but the most desperate and miserable. There are abundant options to try before considering something this severe.
Scott
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Scott
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Posted: Fri Oct 7th, 2005 06:50 pm |
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| I notice that I have 4 mana... what does that refer to, anyone?
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blonderachie
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Posted: Wed Oct 12th, 2005 09:23 pm |
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| I have no idea. I have 4 also.
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blonderachie
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Posted: Wed Oct 12th, 2005 09:36 pm |
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Scott and Bill,
Wow, I am so amazed at you guys! That is amazing that you would even consider doing something that drastic. Have you guys thought about just romancing your ladies. Connect with them not just on a physical level but also mentally and spiritually. Sex usually does come last for women if the rest of the relationship is not where it should be. Do some of the things you did to win her heart in the first place. It will not change things overnight, but I do believe that it will bring you closer together. It does make me so sad that you feel like you have to turn to options like this. I will be praying for you both. Rachel
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Demkuz
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Posted: Thu Oct 13th, 2005 07:22 am |
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Hi there. I've also been thinking about using some drug lowering sex drive, or better yet, exterminating it altogether. I also have a situation where my wife likes sex once in two months, while I can't seem to get rid of the urge to have it every day. She is a wonderful person and a great Christian, and I would like to become like that, too. I've been praying about that for years, but still remain where I was.
But what I understood is that that drug would have to be lowering the mental, not the physical sex drive. Because I think I heard that even the total physical impotents may have exasperating sex longings of mental charachter, meaning that they would want, but not to be able to. What I think we all need is TO BE ABLE TO, BUT NOT TO WANT. I want to remain a normal man in all the aspects except one - to get rid of the mental sex drive. Anyone ever heard of such a mental drug?
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Billyeah
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Posted: Thu Oct 20th, 2005 10:26 pm |
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I have not heard of such a drug.
But as for romancing my wife, I think I fair pretty well, all things considered. My wife is not a typical woman in the sense that she doesn't like the candle light dinners and flowers. She thinks it is cheesy and put on. She doesn't like to wear lingerie, because to her, that is the same as wearing a maid costume. She has told me this, this isn't just an observation. So it is hard to do anything romantic that doesn't come off as cheesy in her eyes. Now I don't say this to run her down, I love her with all my heart. She just doesn't have much of a need for sex that's all. And funnily enough I can't get enough, or so it would seem. I think it is God showing he has a sense of humour when he put two people like us together. But I can't ever complain.
Just thought I would let you guys know I have been sober for about 2 and a half weeks now and have never felt better. I don't know if I could have done it without this site.
God Bless
Bill
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RTK
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Posted: Fri Oct 21st, 2005 10:47 am |
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I want to remain a normal man in all the aspects except one - to get rid of the mental sex drive. Anyone ever heard of such a mental drug? In response to Demkuz... Unless I am mistaken, I can't be a normal man and not have a sex drive. This is why there are millions of porn sites out there, this is also why sex sells with advertisement, it is also why a normal guy gets distracted when a cute thing catches our eye. He created us with a sex drive. Without it, there would be a lot less people in the world today ( - = What I have to do as a "normal man" is to channel the sexual drive that He gave me in a way that would please Him. Easier said than done!
Billyeah, my compliments to you for your trying to please your wife. Take a look at familylife.com for a good site on marriages. Dennis Rainey has headed up Family Life since the early 70's. They are the organization that promotes the Family Life marriage conferences. They use God's blue prints for marriage as their foundation for existence. They even provide financial scholarships. By the way, it was one of the speakers at a FL conference who commented that ligererie is a waste of money anyway. It does not stay on her that long anyway, and it looks best on the floor!
RTK
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jason
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Posted: Sun Nov 27th, 2005 08:03 pm |
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RTK wrote: I want to remain a normal man in all the aspects except one - to get rid of the mental sex drive. Anyone ever heard of such a mental drug? In response to Demkuz... Unless I am mistaken, I can't be a normal man and not have a sex drive. This is why there are millions of porn sites out there
Hi RTK,
This is only my second post here and I only registered this morning, but if I can offer an observation.
There is nothing normal about the sex drive of a man hooked on lust. The sex drive of a lust addict is out of kilter and driven on by the sin within us.
That millions of porn sites exist and are so disturbingly popular reflects just how broken so many people are. Worse yet, that they don't even realise they how broken they are.
But sin and depravity is like that. The further into the whole you sink the less you think you have a problem. Such is the nature of all sin.
If I can offer a relevant but unrelated anecdote that illustrates the point well.
Ghandi, a very good and morally upright man by all accounts, often commented how truly wretched and evil he was and how far short of the ideal he fell.
While, Al Capone, the murderous, drug pushing, prostitute running, gangster, said that "He was just giving people what they wanted".
Isn't it ironic that the better you get spiritually and morally, the more you realise just how far short you fall. While the worse you get, the more you think that everything is ok. Sin is a subtle trap like that.
Which is why I think your suggestion about porn and the male sex drive is a misunderstanding, not that I am suggesting you are way down the slope, I don't know you enough to comment, and I am sure you can work it out yourself anyway.
Jason
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RTK
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Posted: Sun Nov 27th, 2005 11:02 pm |
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Billyeah,
Antiviagra? I don't know about this, but I do know that it sounds like you need to find a hobby that will keep you interested. Perhaps read some of the books posted in the forum. Or hey, maybe you could work on beating Steve's 3000 miles on a bike in one year.
RTK
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Billyeah
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Posted: Mon Nov 28th, 2005 01:35 pm |
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| OK I can't tell if you are being sarcastic or not, I hope you were because I would have taken that as a rude comment.
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RTK
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Posted: Mon Nov 28th, 2005 02:00 pm |
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Billyeah,
Hey, no intentions to offend at all. I just find that keeping busy, doing a hobby, or keeping physically active helps with keeping my mind off of other things.
RTK
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Billyeah
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Posted: Mon Nov 28th, 2005 03:02 pm |
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| Well I play hockey, coach hockey, play guitar, write music, lead a bible study with my family, and play other sports as well. So I am almost hobbied out. But yeah I know what you mean by keeping busy. It is definately important to keep your mind busy. My biggest concern with keeping too busy is my hobbies almost get to be too much and I have less time for God. Not something I want.
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Steve
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Posted: Mon Nov 28th, 2005 04:44 pm |
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Hi RTK. You wrote somewhere above:
"I want to remain a normal man in all the aspects except one - to get rid of the mental sex drive. Anyone ever heard of such a mental drug"
My input is the "rubber band technique" can be very effective. It has worked personally for me. (See our new thread in General about the "rubber band".)
-Steve
Last edited on Sat Jul 8th, 2006 05:37 pm by Steve
____________________
"Isolation is bad for any man, but for the sexual addict it is fatal." -Russell Willingham
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Scott
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Posted: Mon Nov 28th, 2005 05:57 pm |
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blonderachie wrote: Scott and Bill,
Wow, I am so amazed at you guys! That is amazing that you would even consider doing something that drastic. Have you guys thought about just romancing your ladies. Connect with them not just on a physical level but also mentally and spiritually. Sex usually does come last for women if the rest of the relationship is not where it should be. Do some of the things you did to win her heart in the first place. It will not change things overnight, but I do believe that it will bring you closer together. It does make me so sad that you feel like you have to turn to options like this. I will be praying for you both. Rachel
Rachel,
For me, it's not particularly noble. I'm just at the end of my rope and grasping at straws. When someone is starving, they're willing to eat 3-day-old scraps from a dumpster. That's not particularly noble.
I've certainly worked at romance with my wife. There are times when this works well. There are also times when it doesn't, but romancing has powerful effects on a man's libido. In other words, romancing my wife isn't something I can do without becoming aroused, and when she doesn't feel like physical intimacy, being aroused is a lousy state for me to have worked myself into.
Also, my primary reason for considering chemical castration isn't related to frequency of intimacy with my spouse. We are usually sexually intimate every other week or so, and that's a *lot* more frequent than many couples.
The main reason for me to ponder chemical castration is to reduce the power of my compulsion to act out with mb (generally accompanied by pn, voyeurism, strip clubs, lingerie modeling, etc.).
Thank you very much for your empathy and prayers!
Scott
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Scott
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Posted: Mon Nov 28th, 2005 06:04 pm |
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Demkuz wrote: But what I understood is that that drug would have to be lowering the mental, not the physical sex drive. Because I think I heard that even the total physical impotents may have exasperating sex longings of mental charachter, meaning that they would want, but not to be able to. What I think we all need is TO BE ABLE TO, BUT NOT TO WANT. I want to remain a normal man in all the aspects except one - to get rid of the mental sex drive. Anyone ever heard of such a mental drug?
I don't think that there is such a thing. Well, I guess there is. There is a psychotropic medication that inhibits the firing of synapses in the brain. Basically, it makes you mentally dull. It severely cripples imagination, and thereby, fantasy. This would impact your mental desire for sex.
But I don't know if that's particularly helpful. What we're looking for here are ways to treat the symptoms of our disease... when the real problem is the addiction, and the way we cope with the underlying triggers. It's *not* about having a high libido or a propensity to fantasy. I used to believe that it was, but those are symptoms.
That's like seeking out medication that will cure your runny nose, and not doing anything to address the flu. Working on the symptoms is fine... but it's not going to make the disease go away.
I don't believe that things like this can't *help* with the disease... but they are not a complete solution.
Scott
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Scott
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Posted: Mon Nov 28th, 2005 06:15 pm |
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Billyeah wrote: But as for romancing my wife, I think I fair pretty well, all things considered. My wife is not a typical woman in the sense that she doesn't like the candle light dinners and flowers. She thinks it is cheesy and put on. She doesn't like to wear lingerie, because to her, that is the same as wearing a maid costume. She has told me this, this isn't just an observation. So it is hard to do anything romantic that doesn't come off as cheesy in her eyes. Now I don't say this to run her down, I love her with all my heart. She just doesn't have much of a need for sex that's all. And funnily enough I can't get enough, or so it would seem. I think it is God showing he has a sense of humour when he put two people like us together. But I can't ever complain.
Bill,
You might try less "typical romance". My wife enjoys the candle-light dinner and flowers, but I see it as cheesy and put on, and rarely do I do that.
But I will, instead, make her dinner, sit and talk with her, give her a backrub, hold her hand, and spend time just being a couple. That's very romantic. I think that romance is made by attention and care, not by what you buy or what you do.
Also, your comment "funnily enough I can't get enough" made me think of myself as well. My libido has always been abnormally high. I used to think that my addiction was simply a high libido. I was abnormally sexually active as a teenager and young adult, with many partners. I was frequently sexual 3-15 times within 24 hours. But the more I learn about this addiction, the more I discover that it's not about sex nearly as much as I thought it was. Increased libido is a symptom, it's not part of the disease.
When I desire sex powerfully and frequently, it's because I'm lusting. I am perfectly capable of attempting to use her to satiate my lust. But lust is of Satan, and can never be healthy, nor can it be satisfied. Righteous desire, on the other hand, is a Godly impulse that can certainly be satisfied, by appropriate sexuality within marriage.
But just because the desire for sex is satisfied with my wife doesn't necessarily mean it's appropriate and righteous. When I want sex because I'm horny, it's almost always lust. When I want to share intimacy with my wife, it's usually righteous desire (though lust can masquerade here as well.) Learning to be aware of why I desire intimacy is really difficult for me. I'm still working on it. Currently, if I am suspicious of my motivations to intitiate sex, I don't initiate.
Somehow, this makes it a lot less frustrating for me to be sexually unsatisfied, because it's about *me* recognizing a dysfunctional desire and denying it.
I certainly haven't got this all figured out. But I recognize the "I'm just really horny" line of thought, and I remember defending it vehemently to those who suggested that it was lust, and I wasn't simply hard-wired with an overactive libido. It's taken me years to recognize the various measures of truth in that suggestion.
Scott
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Scott
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Posted: Mon Nov 28th, 2005 06:21 pm |
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Steve wrote: Hi RTK. You wrote somewhere above:
"I want to remain a normal man in all the aspects except one - to get rid of the mental sex drive. Anyone ever heard of such a mental drug"
My input is the "rubber band technique" is the best thing out there. It has worked personally for me. (See our new thread in General about the "rubber band".)
-Steve
I've used the rubber band technique as well, with incredible results. It didn't cure me, but it was the most effective of all the many tools I've tried. I highly recommend it to those who can get past the, "That's just dumb," response.
That response kept me away from the rubber band technique for many years. Only when I was utterly dejected and humbled by repeated failure, was I able to listen to a mentor who asked me to commit to it. Within a few days, I was using the tool daily, with incredible effect.
I used to have a huge problem keeping my eyes from ogling while driving down the freeway... I'd look for attractive female drivers and devour them with my eyes. I also had a terrible time walking across the cafeteria at my work, scanning for pretty women to ogle. Within a few days with a rubber band, I almost completely curbed that behavior. There are still times when I am doing poorly and I ogle... but I am keenly aware of the behavior, now. It's no longer subconscious at all.
I had tried for about a year to curb the behavior, with dismal results. After a week with the rubber band method, I stopped 95% of the behavior, and because keenly aware of the remaining 5%. I'm very glad that I became desparate enough to try it, and that my mentor urged me to do so.
Scott
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