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johnny
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Posted: Wed Apr 4th, 2007 03:32 am |
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| ONe of the most things I am ashamed is my attraction to bondage images. And even being in bondage myself. In my mind I don't think that that is the way anyone should be treated. But for years I have gotten off by looking at and partcipating in mine and others pain. I felt so guilty after I found enjoyment from this. I felt like a big sicko. I can't imagine why I enjoy watching others in pain and bondage. As I have stated in my other posted I have been clean for three weeks. I have not looked at porn or masturbated. I feel great as a result. I was just hoping someone could give me some insight on why this type fo image excites me.
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gaylon
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Posted: Wed Apr 4th, 2007 05:48 am |
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I don't know. It always sickened me to see it. But I would have to guess that it's the same as any addictive progression. Satan's design is such that whatever mild image gave pleasure once, seems commonplace, and no longer pleases, so, becoming desensitized to stronger and stronger images, we look for more and more intensity. Eventually, even the strongest images don't give the needed high, and the next steps are to act out in real life, instead of via images. When I started having that desire, is when I hit my "rock bottom". Satan, striking at the root of physical life (giving life via procreation) and the life of our spirits via our immoral acts, seeks to destroy both our spirits and our bodies, and/or to cause us to do the same to other people. The next step is the taking of life. We're slowly seeing that trend in our society, as young bloggers encourage each other to suicide, and killing for pleasure becomes glorified in movies, and more such incidents seep into news reports. Not to mention the killing of the unborn that is promoted, or at least tacitly accepted by much of society. The prince of darkness reigns in many hearts. Pray to God those hearts do not become ours... Sorry if this was too heavy for the forum, but I struggle daily lately to stay afloat with attack after attack, and feel this evil seeking to envelope me, and feel certain this is Lucifer's design against all...
Last edited on Wed Apr 4th, 2007 05:53 am by gaylon
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mj9
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Posted: Wed Apr 4th, 2007 06:16 am |
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Johnny,
I think sometimes that desire to be "in bondage" can come from a need to feel wanted/desired to the point of being "taken." This can stem from a feeling of being ignored/neglected/forgotten by people we loved/admired throughout our lives. Does that sound like what you're dealing with? Acknowledge your need to be loved and wanted and ask God to show you His love for you. Run the other direction (literally if you must) when those temptations come over you. They will only become stronger the more you feed them.
I completely agree with gaylon about the progressiveness of this (or any) addiction. God has been showing me very clearly lately, how satan's "siren song" is indeed enticing, but it is designed that way simply to trap poor suckers like me so he can steal, kill, and destroy everything I am, everything I have worked for, and hurt everyone around me through my own actions. This is his chief aim.
Blessings, -mj9
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gaylon
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Posted: Wed Apr 4th, 2007 06:28 am |
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mj9 wrote: ....Acknowledge your need to be loved and wanted and ask God to show you His love for you.
Thanks for that thought. Definitely part of my experience is that desire, and I'm not really trusting God to give it to me...
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johnny
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Posted: Wed Apr 4th, 2007 06:28 am |
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I geuss sometimes the thing that excites me about bondage is the helplessness of either myself of someone else as the submissive. Maybe I like the idea of suffering for someone you think you love. Or maybe I think you have to suffer to love or that love is pain. I really don't know the reason. But I can remember at early as 7 or 8 being facinated with being tied or seeing others tied. when I was a teen I remember some of my earliest sexual fantasies and experiences being about bondage. I was never abused, and don't really have any hx of trauma. My mother was very attentive while my father was loving but sometimes distant. He just never talked very much.
I would very much like to get to the root of this. If anyone would have suggestions I would like to hear them. Also if anyone knows any forums on this or books I could read I would appreciate it.
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johnny
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Posted: Wed Apr 4th, 2007 06:35 am |
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Thanks for your reply. I agree that stronger and stronger images are required to get excited over time. that's why eventually I graduated to self bondage and even a little mild play with my wife. Before I was married I had a prostitute as a dom once. ONce when I was planning a trip away from my wife I looked up a local dom and planned to contact her though I never did. I have looked up local doms in the area that will perform their service for money. I hope very much that I will continue in sobriety and recovery so I don't ever contact someone like that. When I was looking up those local doms it was like I was a different person. It was like I was possessed. After reading your reply I am sure it was likely satan urging my will in those instances. I am very afraid of Satan and his ability to not only destroy my life but my soul.
Please pray for me that the spirit should gaurd me and live in my life keeping me away from this evil and keeping me sober.
Thanks so much. Johnny.
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junkyardboy
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Posted: Wed Apr 4th, 2007 10:31 am |
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greetings johnny
having explored and dabbled in this area myself through the years i understand where you are coming from. although almost all of mine involved online contacts and role playing rather than hard core acting out it still begs the question of why.
rather than spending a great deal of time analyzing myself however i rejoice and praise God for my deliverance and a renewed mind.
there is however a scriptural reason for our continued slide as a society downward into the pit of sexual hell.
i would direct you to Romans 1:18-32 and the reason God turned us over to a depraved mind.
for a far better discourse than i could ever provide please click on the sermon by john macarthur, "abandoned by God", at the bottom of the following page.
http://www.apprising.org/archives/2006/11/dr_john_macarth.html
i pray this helps,
peter
____________________
have we been abandoned by God?
http://www.apprising.org/archives/2006/11/dr_john_macarth.html
http://www.valleybible.net/position_papers.php
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guitarist63
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Posted: Wed Apr 4th, 2007 08:14 pm |
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Praying the Lord keeps you free from bondage, Johnny.
Last edited on Sat Mar 22nd, 2008 04:10 pm by guitarist63
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mj9
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Posted: Fri Apr 6th, 2007 05:55 am |
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Johnny & Others,
...Been pondering the why's of this issue for a couple of days & asking God, "why?" Let me know what you all think. You mentioned being exposed to this type of thing as a child. I do believe exposure to such things corrupts our system of thought at it's very foundation and formation. Those desires we experience as adolescents/adults can be from faulty/perverted programming we receive as children. It is only natural to be curious about sexuality as we grow, and if this is what we are exposed to, it can become a fascination, which then becomes obsession - the more we think on it.
The more we think on it, the more we want to experience it. The sexuality God-designed for us to experience becomes "common" as the more perverted things become exciting to us. We want to partake in these ourselves (in this instance the masochism), and we want to help absolve our guilt about it by having others partake in it with us (sadism/DM). Partaking in this type of thing is just a step away from hardening our hearts to God's conviction and then giving "hearty approval" - which, I suspect isn't very far from truly harming someone or worse (which is what bondage/S/M is designed and destined to lead to). It's simply satan's course of action. It's progressively degenerative.
Because God loves us, He wants to spare us from having to find out the consequences of our perversions the hard way - i.e. by experience. I'm glad you have found this board, Johnny, but I think you need more. Can you search for an SA group and a personal counselor in your area?
Blessings, -mj9
Last edited on Fri Apr 6th, 2007 05:58 am by mj9
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Buck Ramone
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Posted: Mon Apr 9th, 2007 07:46 pm |
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johnny--I can relate. Can't explain it, but can relate. And FWIW, I can remember being attracted to "bondage" when I was no more then three or four years old. Some of my earliest memories are of playing with a girl cousin, a few years old than I, and we role played that I would tie her up.
In real life, I experienced very little of it, and at those times it was very light, never serious. I'm sick, though, of what I viewed online.
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clean2day
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Posted: Tue Apr 10th, 2007 06:21 am |
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Johnny
I can relate to you as I too was attracted, and still am if I don't watch myself, to bondage. Stay in prayer, Bible reading and find an accountability partner if at all posible.
Another site that helped me is http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com there are meny courses there and they are all free, Bible based, and you will have a mentor that will walk you through the course. There is also a course for the SO's of the sexual addicted that showes both how they can help and how they can be healed also from their pain and suffering.
Why I had this idea about the sexual, I thought if "she" would lead, and "train" me then I could please her. All a real woman really wants is to be loved, as sick as I was I could not understand this. So I tryed to incase my wife into acting out with me. But thats another thing Satan wants is for us to drag others down with us.
Johnny, you said you were afraid of Satan. Don't be, he has no power. When I started to come out of this sin I too was afraid. I askk a pastor to pray that I could remain free. This is what he told me:
When CHrist died He claimed Satan's keys. SO:
Satan can only lay the temptation out in front of you it is up to you what you do with it. You have ony three choices !: You can pick it up and use it. 2: You can, what the SA groups call "white kneckling it" or you try to walk away from it and keep clean "on your own". This will more than likely bring you back to it and then in a weaker state you will pick it up. or #3: Give it to Jesus! When Jesus died he bought all our sins, and temptations. He was tempted with all of of the sins of the world. So if you pick it up you are stealing it from Jesus who bought it on the cross.
So when you are tempted run to Him, Pray, Read, Tell Him of your stress and above all TRUST HIM who loved Johnny so much that He has already forgiven him and prayer for Johnny, John 17, but pay attention to what He said in verse 20. Neither I pray for these, the disciples, alone, but for them, Johnny, also which shall believe on me through their word.
Believe on Him and you shall be saved, mot only saved but safe in His arms. We are only lost to our sin when we walk away from Him. Stay brave Stay Clean so that you might glorify Him that can/will/and has brought you out of the darkness into His light.
Bless you Johnny and thanks for posting it has helped me today. Stay clean just for today, for today is all days one day at a time.
C2d
PS: I will pray for you and I ask for your prayers for me.
____________________
"When you need a victory, Jesus gives it.
When you need a friend, Jesus will be there.
When you need to talk, Jesus will listen.
And if you need to cry, Jesus will hold you close.
Rev E. O. Hilt 1908 - 1988
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