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Abby
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| Joined: | Thu Feb 1st, 2007 |
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Posted: Thu Feb 22nd, 2007 03:51 pm |
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H went to his first SA meeting last night. When he got there, some guys were talking about hitting rock bottom and what really triggered them to get help. He hasn't hit rock bottom - he admitted that to me last night after the meeting. Do you have to hit rock bottom for all the help to really work? From what I've seen, he's going about this halfway. We had a talk 2 weeks ago about him not seeking help and I gave him until March 2 to seek help and really start working on this himself. I put the ball in his court and told him that his options were to get help and the boy and I will stay or to not get help and the boy and I will leave. I told him there's no way we'd come back until after the baby is born. He told me that he doesn't see this as a possibility. So now I'm worried that since he hasn't hit bottom, I may actually have to follow through. I will if I have to but I really don't want to.
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Steve
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| Joined: | Tue May 3rd, 2005 |
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Posted: Thu Feb 22nd, 2007 07:47 pm |
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Abby, I understand your dilemna and how tough of a situation this is for you.
Regarding the term "rock bottom" and other recovery phrases, the bottom line (as I see it) is this:
Your husband will not get free of his sex addiction until he becomes truly motivated to do whatever it takes to get free. Doing the following activities on his own volition would be good signs that he is serious about turning his life around: Humbling himself, facing hurt/wound issues, exhibiting changed behaviors (i.e. more selflessness and Christ-likeness), attending group(s), seeking counseling, etc.
My encouragement to you is to hold your ground. I truly hope you have a strong base of support from people who understand the intricacies of your situation and the destructive nature of sexual sin. I just prayed for you too!
Regards,
Steve
Last edited on Thu Feb 22nd, 2007 07:48 pm by Steve
____________________
"Isolation is bad for any man, but for the sexual addict it is fatal." -Russell Willingham
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P2J
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| Joined: | Mon Feb 19th, 2007 |
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Posted: Wed Mar 7th, 2007 08:44 am |
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Hi Abby,
It's past 2 Mar 07 now and maybe too late for this post, but I just want you to know that it's extremely hard for a guy to come to grips with the unmanagability of his problem.
I bought a book about shame, which was essentially about sexual addiction and how shame palys a role in it, but I bought it to figure out what was wrong with my wife that would make her divorce me. I read it cover to cover and it still took me another five years to wake up to the fact that "I" had the problem and I needed to do something about me!
I pray for the best for both of you and your youngsters.
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Raven34
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Posted: Wed Mar 14th, 2007 02:07 am |
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Abby,
I really feel for you.
Doing the following activities on his own volition would be good signs that he is serious about turning his life around: Humbling himself, facing hurt/wound issues, exhibiting changed behaviors (i.e. more selflessness and Christ-likeness), attending group(s), seeking counseling, etc.
I think a lot of men would battle with this concept of guilt/ridicule/humbling or whatever you want to call it.
Yes it needs to be done but for some men (I am one) they would prefer if it was private between say them and their spouse or counsellor. Better still to work it out on their own.
It is a tough nut to crack. If you do (did) leave what do you tell your children one day?
Let us know how things are going.
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