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gaylon
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Posted: Sun Oct 22nd, 2006 06:27 pm |
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Thanks, Praise6. I was hoping for a reply. As a matter of fact, I am still hanging on to the sin. Technically, I haven't indulged for a couple of months, but I actually feel scared to turn it loose. Not sure why, but it's like I feel "entitled" to the good feelings of the porno drug, and it feels like a lifeline to "feeling good" if I got desperate for it, although my brain, and too many years of experience, knows all the bad stuff that follows the sin. I'll just have to struggle through it until I can finally truly make the committment. One problem for me is that I've "made the committment" hundreds of times over 35 years, praying to God for release and forgiveness; most of those times I thought I was "over it", then a few days, or weeks, or months, or even years later I would fall again. So it's hard for me to believe that real healing in Jesus is really there. I think I'm just using this forum as a place to "journal" my struggle. Maybe I should keep it to myself, but it helps to know that the people reading this have mostly had similar experiences at one time or the other. And, that some have made the journey and found the healing and peace. It really seems unlikely for me, right now. I just don't see an end to it. But, I know that no one else can take the steps for me, though I wish it were possible. Right now, even as I'm typing this, I am feeling the draw in my body to just click over to a site or two. But, I won't do it. I'll call my wife instead... Somebody let me know if this is "too much information" to be posting...
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mj9
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Posted: Mon Oct 23rd, 2006 12:44 am |
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Gaylon,
I, too, have struggled with that condemning view of God for as long as I can remember, waiting there with a 2x4 to knock me over the head. Lately I've been watching Andrew Wommack's television program, Gospel Truth. He is opening my eyes to what condemnation we Christians have put upon ourselves and each other. Make no mistake, he dn gloss over sin. But he shows how we get folks saved, and from day 1 expect darn-near perfect behavior.
He has a couple of broadcasts, called "The True Nature of God" and another "The ministry of the Holy Spirit," where he speaks specifically about what you have just said. His website is awmi.net or search by his name. They are the last two series in 2006 listed, as they are the 2 most recent. You can go on the site and get the gyst of them by clicking on 2006 Archives under "TV Broadcasts" on the left side of the screen. You can listen for free to see if it fits for what you are struggling with. I heard some of these on his program, and am going to purchase the tapes (he doesn't set a price, but asks for a gift of any amt. if $ is a problem). I just would really recommend giving it a chance. He really does seem like the real deal, not a "tele-vangelist" so to speak. If you do, please let me know what you think.
Blessings, mj9
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Praise6
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Posted: Mon Oct 23rd, 2006 03:44 am |
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gaylon wrote: . As a matter of fact, I am still hanging on to the sin.
This explains why you say that your wife still has struggles. Very sad for her.
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gaylon
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Posted: Mon Oct 23rd, 2006 05:28 pm |
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MJ9, thanks much for the reference. I'm reading the aricles, and will probably order the 'true nature of God' tape series, and probably the 'Hard Heart' tape series. He seems to be on the mark to me, and I need all the positive reinforcement that I can get.
Praise6 - I'm trying to get there, but it's taking more time that I would like... In the meantime, I'm doing all I can to meet my wife's emotional needs, and she is so patient with me... Your response convicted my heart -- it hurts, but I needed it...
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