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evangeline
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| Joined: | Wed Dec 20th, 2006 |
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Posted: Thu Dec 21st, 2006 07:05 am |
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Hey everyone,
After much trouble, digging, avoiding and heartache, we have finally uncovered the root of what was affecting so many problems my boyfriend was not willing to face -- the sex addiction.
There was much resistance, denial and tears on both our parts, but I have decided to stay and help see him through so long as he is moving forward (for himself!!), and he has come to terms with the amount of damage this has done to himself and everyone else around him.
He has really, truly shown so far that he will not stand for this any more and it's time to take his life back. Though yes, it has only been a couple of weeks since the big blowout... (I'm still cautious, and tremendously hurt like no words can express -- I can't help that.)
But I have been really proud of him -- he has opened up to me on -every- level more in the past weeks than he has in the few years I have known him. He has been more honest with himself than ever... and he wants to see this through. He has accepted the fact that this is likely bigger than he is, and if he could have been doing this to himself (and his relationships) for all these years, then he is not naive enough to think he can repair those many years of damage alone.
So he's been finding all sorts of options in the area. There's a treatment centre that specializes in all sorts of addictions, and their approach to 'healing the whole person, not just "fixing" a problem' was very appealing to him. Unfortunately, they're a fairly well known centre and probably have too many people to begin with ... they have in-patient services as well as out.
Anyway, he had to face the pain of calling and interacting with them 4 times. In each of those times, they seemed to kind of skrew him around in some way. He finally got his assessment today, and went through with it. It left him feeling pretty down...
They were asking him all sorts of questions, but they did not tell him 'how bad it is', which he wants to know so he can start looking towards proper treatment ASAP. But besides that, they just seemed very cold. He said it was as if they were just 'ticking off a list', which they probably were. They just didn't seem to care... and considering that this whole sex addiction was what was masking his ability to be open and honest in the first place, it just scares me that it'll discourage him. He initially said it's not a problem, and he's going to keep going on, but I know it hurts... and he eventually admitted that too.
But it was every call he made to this centre -- they were always quick, cold, and seemed like they wanted to make a 'sell'. He really does want to talk about this with someone who understands, but he is having some fears that all the places he calls will be like this. He has said with much conviction that that isn't going to stop him, but ... I worry. This is hard enough as it is...
SO! After all that yapping. :> Were the way those phone calls conducted normal? He's going to try a few more places on the weekend and see how those go, but I would love to be able to tell him that the experience so far was flukey. He wants to start some one-on-one sessions to begin with, then start exploring group things and other options. I have no idea if he's going about this the right way, and neither does he ...
Thanks so much! This board is a blessing... these messages have helped so much so far... more than you'll ever know.
/ eva
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gaylon
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| Joined: | Wed Oct 4th, 2006 |
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Posted: Thu Dec 21st, 2006 11:20 pm |
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I would say "forget the high-tech place", and seek out a Christian counselor who has a long track record of success dealing with sex addictions. Such a counselor helped me to recognize the compulsive cycle, and learn how to break the cycle. Absolutely could not have done without it.
And, get a copy of Mike Genung' s book, "Road to Grace" (see roadtograce.com) and study it a few times - good scriptural references and personal experience. There are tons of online resources (family.org; newlife.org; many more), but read this whole site. I would be redundant to list all the things to do in this post.
I would say that this article is the one that had the most single impact on me, in helping to understand my addiction, and what is necessary to break it:
http://www.byubroadcasting.org/secrets/transcript/buxton_transcript_2003.htm
Personally, talking to my wife every day is the best safeguard I have. I haven't learned the "trust Christ" principle very well yet, but am working on it. I'm sure that's the best long term solution.
Best to you both in this long painful battle
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