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luckysidney
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Posted: Wed Sep 27th, 2006 06:15 am |
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i have no idea how much background to give you here..........i'll go with less and you can ask if you need more. (this might actually need to be in a support persons's section......but I really want feedback from people who have been in the ministry and hoped to find it here)
my question........i am the long distance friend of a male minister who has a major addiction to homosexual porn. i have in the past "forced" him to admit his ongoing battle to his senior pastor. (in the name of "tough love") this resulted in little change. (brief increase in accountability, some counseling, additional software added to the church server)
he is now continuing in his addiction and i have reason to believe he is even starting to pursue meeting with homosexuals in his area.
he is married with kids. his wife knows of the addiction. it has been discovered in his past churches. she has said she will take the kids and go if it goes public again. her priority (coping mechanism) for now, is just keeping everything quiet.
my concern........do i have a "responsibility" to "make" him tell his pastor again? (and what good would that do?) i am having a problem with what the Bible says about going to a person in sin, first alone and then with others, and then the direction is to disassociate with a person who chooses to remain in sin. How does that translate to needing to show a person grace. If the "sin" is an addiction.....does that change the "rules"? How should I continue to handle this? I know it is so difficult for people with SA to get in trusting relationships and I don't want to betray him. But what would be the most loving thing to do?
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captivated
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Posted: Wed Sep 27th, 2006 02:35 pm |
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That is a tough one!  First, I'd pray long and hard about this. God's heart is to shed light on darkness, expose it and bring truth and freedom......He won't allow this to continue, regardless of whether or not you intervene...I believe! I would wait and pray and see what God does by His Spirit....when in doubt, wait. Sometimes when we intervene, it makes things more messy than if we wait on God's timing.....especially since this is not your own church body and his wife has asked you not to. ....but honestly, another part of me says expose it! I'd like to hear what others say here.....either way PRAY!!!! Praying for this family!!!
Captivated
Last edited on Wed Sep 27th, 2006 03:20 pm by captivated
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mike
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Posted: Wed Sep 27th, 2006 04:38 pm |
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Several questions before making comments:
>i am the long distance friend of a male minister who has a major addiction to homosexual porn.
How far away do you live from him, and what is your relationship to him? What is your friend's position in the church?
>i have in the past "forced" him to admit his ongoing battle to his senior pastor.
Do you know if his pastor is holding him accountable on a consistent, ongoing basis? Do you know how his pastor responded to him?
>her priority (coping mechanism) for now, is just keeping everything quiet.
Is your sense that she's not sharing or talking with him about this? Is she receiving support from others?
How open is your friend's church to doing something serious to help him?
And, why do you suspect he's seeking out sexual contact with other men?
Will answer some of your questions at the end of your post after seeing the responses above...
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luckysidney
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Posted: Wed Sep 27th, 2006 04:48 pm |
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Thanks Captivated......for your reply and prayers. I have prayed for this guy for years. Currently I am taking the stance of waiting for God to move. I hope He will allow me to be the mercy and grace side of the equation and that He will move to bring the ongoing sins to the light without my personal involvement! But I am open to doing as He directs........I just want to be SURE.
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captivated
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Posted: Wed Sep 27th, 2006 05:12 pm |
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luckysidney,
I'm curious about the answer to Mike's questions as well, if you're able. Either way, I will pray....I have a heart for what this family is going through!
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luckysidney
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Posted: Wed Sep 27th, 2006 06:23 pm |
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Hi Mike.........thanks for getting in on this as well. I have respected your replies to many of the posts I've read here.
My first reply to your questions disappeared into cyberspace.....so I'll start over!
I live about 7 hours away from my friend. He has always been way more open with me than with other people. (but that's my personality......people are always confiding things to me) He comes off as completely together....(even egotistical) ...but inside he is fragile and broken. (and terrified people might find out...but he knows I know he's faking it most of the time) He is an assistant pastor and works mostly with students in a mid sized conservative church.
I know his pastor is not holding him accountable on a daily basis. My friend explained his "previous struggles" before he was hired, but I'm sure no one knew it was a curent problem. The response, when he told the pastor he was still struggling, was to refer him to a professional counselor, have a meeting with all the staff about the general problem of internet porn, and increase their monitoring and filtering software. He encouraged him to get an accountability partner.......which he did, but I don't think he was ever honest with him about the extent of the problem, or that he is into homosexual porn. At one point I was functioning as his accountability partner but that doesn't work out well because of the distance. Also.....I rely alot on visual cues to confirm his honesty....and it's hard to do that on the phone.
His wife and I have also been friends for years. She can be very controlling and has been known to berate him in public. She alternates between wanting to take over the situation.......reading all his emails, having all his passwords........and just pretending it's all in the past. At times she has shared with me about her issues, and at times she acts like she wishes I wasn't involved anymore. (because no one else who "knows" is still friends with them...I'm a reminder of a bad time in their life) She has had support from her family, but they are 2 days away. At one point, my friend was calling her to pray with him when he was tempted.....but I seriously doubt that is ongoing. She is a huge part of the problem.......but I can't address that with her because she's not ready to "hear" it yet. (not to ever seem unsupportive of the wives on this group.......yikes!.......it's just she has been enabling him by ignoring some problems and focusing attention on unrelated things because they are less complicated to deal with. I sincerely empathize with her need to look the other way at times.......she is in a horrific situation! I wish I thought she would participate in this group.......I will surely let her know about it when the time is right!)
Not being in his church, I can't say for sure.....but I really doubt they are eager to confront this head on and help him deal with it. I think it would be (another) huge public scandal and he would be fired.
The reason I think he is seeking out people to meet with is because he has a profile on a homosexual site that he visits frequently. Via this site he is specifically getting access to homosexuals from his area. The next obvious step is meeting in person and his job and hobbies would make that extremely simple.
If you want the psychological reasons I think he is seeking out homosexual men, he is the textbook case. He has had early childhood exposure to porn, a damaged father relationship, an intense mother relationship, and an adolescent homosexual experience. He has always been approached by homosexuals and was both appalled and curious about it. His interest started as curiosity and progressed to full blown addiction and SSA. (he is also ADHD and a workaholic......and a perfectionist!)
I have prayed and prayed, read and studied, and sought God's direction. So far, the overwhelming answers I have felt have indicated I should wait, stand by, and be the embodiment of mercy and grace. (and that's more true to my personality and giftings than the "tough love" approach). However, one trusted Christian friend has said I should restate my disapproval of his actions, insist he confess, quit, and get help, and then walk away if he doesn't.
This site is such a blessing........just having a place to write this all out is a relief.
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captivated
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Posted: Wed Sep 27th, 2006 07:52 pm |
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luckysidney,
Thank you for taking the time to answer those questions. As we ponder this situation and pray, I must have missed it...and I know both male and female Sidney's so I have to ask, are you a male or female friend to this couple? Thanks. 
Captivated
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luckysidney
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Posted: Wed Sep 27th, 2006 10:21 pm |
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well......i'm female.
And I have to admit I intentionally left that part out because I was afraid many people couldn't get past that and help me think about the actual issue.
I have been happily married for a long long time and have kids. My husband is also friends with this couple, although on a much more surface level. Everyone just understood that my friend and I had a special, family-like connection, almost from the day we met. God has given me stubborn "God-love" for him......... real stubborn --haha........ sometimes it just breaks my heart because I can see how much it hurts God when we all sin. My husband supports our friendship and all my internet communication is available to him at any time. He knows this kind of relationship (supporting hurting people that God lays on my heart and in my path) is part of who I am. (he has seen me walk through various types of problems with both male and female people over the years) I also have 2 close female friends who hold me accountable for the appropriateness of our relationship. I rarely get to see my friend in person any more.....as he now lives far away.......but we have always met either in his home, (with his family home), or in public. (my motto.........avoid even the appearance of evil!) I have never thought of my friend as anything but a brother.........and he has never acted otherwise toward me. Hi wife also understands our friendship........and frankly she would rather have me talk to him than her! (she's very different than me and my perkiness and optimism annoy her after a while! haha! ------ we have both literally laughed about it) She and I are still friends as well, though......and she has never shown any discomfort with my interactions with her husband. He and I both have "non-typical" personalities....... and have our "differentness" in common. We both have always found a group of "surface" friends, but only one or two good true friends at a time. (if that!) I think, in some way, it has made it easier for him to trust me......because I am female.
I hope you don't think I "protest too much"------but I really want to emphasize that I've thought through most of the concerns anyone might have and addressed them as much as possible.
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mj9
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Posted: Thu Sep 28th, 2006 07:02 am |
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| I know you asked for feedback from pastors, and I am not one... but, in my honest belief, the most loving thing to do is to think of this man's eternal soul here, not his temporal earthly life. I think that you were correct in stating the confrontation guidelines in Scripture, including handing the unrepentant over to satan for the purpose of hopefully saving the soul. A few additional reasons to follow through with what Scripture clearly outlines are: 1. This person is a pastor, who is supposed to be able to shepherd the flock. He is clearly unable to correctly shepherd when he is in such blatant sin 2. Even the deacons are to be held accountable (how much moreso pastors) for the running of their families by not being allowed to lead the flock in such a situation. He is unable to lead his family in godliness. 3. He is living in blatant and unrepentant sin, and in fact is actively seeking out darker levels of sin. 4. Sexual sin is unlike other sins. The Bible is clear on that. It is to be dealt with more fervently. 5. Homosexual sin is a whole nother category of sexual sin. 6. We're not talking about a co-worker, neighbor, or acquaintance. Those in leadership positions in the Church are to be held to a higher standard of accountability. IMO, the answer is clear. mj9 Last edited on Thu Sep 28th, 2006 07:03 am by mj9
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Joel2:25
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Posted: Thu Sep 28th, 2006 03:18 pm |
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Hi there!
I had a question, too. How do you know he has a profile on a homosexual site? I may or may not have a few observations to make depending on that (oh gosh, I always have observations, who am I kidding?)
... dontcha' love bein' interrogated?
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BrokenDiva
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Posted: Thu Sep 28th, 2006 07:25 pm |
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It must be a woman thing because I assumed you were a woman LUCKY SYDNEY just by reading your posts. I think women can just sense that better. i do understand you choice to not say though.
I have no advice really and there are ppl here who likley are more enlightened about that type of thing. All I can say is you seem to be taking him on as a bit of a project and you have to maybe realize that if this guy is going to crash and burn ( which he most certainly will ) there is nothing you can do about whether you are 7 hours or 7 miles away from him.
As always what saddens me is there are children involved, as a partner of an addict and a child who lived in a home with a father who used porn and was unfaithful to her mother the shame and sadness this causes a child is heart breaking........but then again if pain and heartbreak by an addicts behaviour to people who love them was all it took to stop..well this site would not exsist would it
Best of Luck
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captivated
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Posted: Thu Sep 28th, 2006 08:50 pm |
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luckysidney,
My concerns towards this situation would not be towards your relationship with him so much since it does seem you've really thought that through more than most do....thank you for explaining that to us, it may help others!....it would be more the fact that this guy seems to not be getting real fellowship with other men for blessing and accountability which is really where he will find healing for the wound which drives him to homosexuality....this along with his relationship with God are what he needs to heal these wounds. Try as you may, a female friend cannot satisfy that need in a man, nor can a wife, which I'm guessing you already realize....he's simply cut himself off from that in a healthy way! Anyway, I'm also concerned for his salvation....and his heart. I don't really know what the answers are either. I do know I'd probably spend some time being still and knowing about it. I'd ask God what to do, be quiet and listen for His answer and write down what comes to mind on a piece of paper, thanking Him that He loves this family and will answer as you do....keep searching the Word.....etc... This is heartwrenching and tough no matter which way you go. I'll ask Him to give you wisdom and revelation here!
Captivated
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luckysidney
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Posted: Thu Sep 28th, 2006 08:58 pm |
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Thanks to everyone who responded so far.........and I hope to hear from LOTS more people......please?
mj9......in reply.......of course you are right to say follow scripture. I can understand, if I was living there, that it would be time to not "hang out" with him, not to be seen as super close to him so that I wouldn't be "corrupted by bad company" or assumed guilty by association. My issue is, how does it help him to cut off all friendship with him? --------How does that support his (fluctuating) desire to stop, to save his career and his family? ------- How does that support his family? Are you suggesting I tell his pastor and give him everything I know? (of course then I would somehow become the issue.) On the other hand, am I going to be somehow responsible for his ongoing actions if I don't?
Joel2:25.......I found out (although I suspected) that he was still acting out when I got a copy of his X3 report. (it was sort of a "God thing" because I wasn't his accountability partner.) At that point I checked out a site or two, just to see his level of involvement. (and specifically to see if it involved teens/children because of his work with them.) I found his profile fairly easily....and occasionally have checked it to see how often he logs in. (it tells the last log in date) I confronted him in person with all the info, and that was the point that I insisted he tell his pastor. The results were less than adequate....sigh. I'm not spending time "exploring" these sites ....they're pretty much sad in my opinion. And for the record, interrogation is ok! haha! At least it means you want the facts before you state an opinion!
BrokenDiva....... yeah, women can sometimes sense things better! (it's come in handy several times!) I'll pray for your family.....as I think of his family, and read over some of the posts here, I now am seeing them as representing all the families in this situation. That's an overwhelming amount of suffering happening because of porn. He himself grew up in a family wrecked by porn. I know I can't "save" him. He can't even save himself at this point.....it'll have to be a move of God. My desire is just to be in a position that he (and his family) can know there's at least one person who won't reject them when it all crashes down, one person that will not walk away in the face of the ugliness. I do know he's going to crash and burn..... and it's getting closer. I'd rather not be the one who "forces" it......maybe God can take care of that.
thanks for all the replies so far.........please don't stop. It helps me to think it through.
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captivated
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Posted: Thu Sep 28th, 2006 09:09 pm |
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Oh, I'd forgotten he was working with children.....this changes things for me. Since these things can go from bad to worse (ie as with kids), and you have the information you do, I personally do think you should do something. First, tell him you will if he doesn't get help...and tell him what you expect to see....then if he does nothing, follow through. We need to protect those kids from this corruption! When it comes to children, my feelings run high! Either way, I will pray for you!
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luckysidney
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Posted: Thu Sep 28th, 2006 09:19 pm |
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captivated.........
You are SO right. He needs safe Christian fellowship with other men. The trouble is.......as embarassing as it is for the average guy to confess his porn addiction, this time it's a triple problem. He will have to find men who will accept him in spite of his porn addiction, and not be put off by the fact that it's homosexual porn, that he's a minister, and that he works with kids. I realize I can't take the place of those relationships. He needs to heal his father wounds and confirm his importance to God and his own manhood. I get it. I totally encourage him in that direction, but his pride is a huge huge issue. (especially the fear that someone would "leak" the information) That's one reason I hate to go to the pastor........I have been hoping to demonstrate that a person can know the "dirt" and still be loving, supportive, and trustworthy. I know the crash is coming.
I don't know what to think about his salvation. He has taught with Godly insight, prayed with passion, led others to salvation..........yet I can't know the true state of his heart. I have seen him becoming more superficial in his spiritual conversations, however, we haven't the opportunity to have many deep conversations. I know in my life, it's not too hard to "fake" it when I'm getting distant from God. (but it's sad to fake it.......and it eventually makes me feel guilty........as I bet it is doing to him)
Thanks for asking for me to receive wisdom and revelation here.......that's exactly what I'm praying for.
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Joel2:25
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Posted: Thu Sep 28th, 2006 09:22 pm |
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I have really mixed emotions here. So I'll just let them all out ... maybe someone can make sense of them as well!
1. I guess I wonder why you're so emotionally involved with a man who lives 7 hours away, and (from what I'm reading) is a married man with children, who happens to be a pastor? I understand TOTALLY the friends thing, believe me. I dunno ... just one of those things that makes me go "hmmmmmm". Hope you're not offended, just pondering out loud.
2. It sounds like he's managed to get himself in churches (whether intentionally or not) that are going to just turn their heads and look the other way when his sin comes bleeping out. I know well that particular frustration you must be feeling in this situation. I doubt I'll ever forget going to my husband's pastor (my husband was very much in leadership positions) and his "so what" attitude about porn addiction and the resulting adulterous behavior. URGH. If the leadership won't do anything, I'm not sure what good going back to them would be.
3. I do agree totally with the concern for the children. That would scare the living daylights out of me.
4. The wife is a poser. You've said she has no problems with her husband having a close emotional relationship with you. I would CHOKE my husband in such a case, considering his background. And she's turning her head the other way? *blink* It seems to me you have the main person in his life who could take a stand for right just basically handing him a license to sin ... treat her however he wants. I wonder if the fact she knows he struggles with homosexual urges makes her think women friends are "safer" for him than men?
5. I dunno ... if it was me, I'd have to give serious consideration to cutting him loose. I don't know if I could handle a marriage, children, and the emotional stress of a guy 7 hours away who was struggling with homosexuality and dragging Jezebel into church with him every time he walked in the door. What a disaster. I suppose you could send a mass email to the entire leadership of the church, laying it out point by point to them. But what good would it do unless he's ready and willing to change? If he won't listen to the call of the Holy Spirit, nothing in this world you can do will get him to change. The only person whom I think could or should shake his tree would be his wife. And if she isn't willing?
My prayers are certainly going out to you ... I know this must be totally stressing you out!
HUGS!
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luckysidney
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Posted: Fri Sep 29th, 2006 12:12 am |
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Joel2:25.........
Thanks for the input.....I have really mixed emotions too! ha! I'll take your points one at a time.
1: I'm not "so emotionally involved" exactly. Maybe "so spiritually involved" would be more accurate. All my life, God has "given" me certain people. Sometimes for a brief brief time, sometimes for years at a time. I usually know who they are way before I know them well. I could give you many examples, male and female, all ages. It's a feeling of agape love.....that I am supposed to be the hands of God in their life for a while........even though it doesn't make sense. When that's the case.....they always spontaneously open up and share stuff with me.... it happens every time. Most of my interactions for them are on the battlefield of prayer. It doesn't make sense but it's a God-thing. I know I sound like a kook now! haha! It's just how I've always been........since childhood actually. (i'm in my 40's now -- and otherwise a very "normal" stable person....intellegent, from a conservative church background.) OK, so now that everyone thinks I'm a basket case!....ha! Believe me, those who have known me well for some time see it, and understand it. My family always knows who the people are....totally get it. I often wonder why certain people are picked as well.......makes me go "hmmmmm".
2. Aren't most churches that way? yikes! There's a trail of missed opportunities to stop this snowball years and years ago. He was just fired once, offered counseling twice, and got his hand slapped a couple of times. Supposedly there was a period or two of "sobriety" but periods of stress brings on the need to self-medicate with porn. (and he's now also using agressive physical training to escape)
3. So far......I don't have any real concern for the kids, physically. (if I did, I would've already blown all the whistles I could find!) I worry for them, however, when and if the word gets out. I've watched a group go through that......there are casualties everywhere still. That is actually one of my main concerns if this goes "public". The crashing down of an ideal.......the realization that the "role model" is in fact a broken mess who has been lying to you. It's not easy for kids to deal with......they all lost their innocence that year.
4. She loves him, no doubt.....but she also loves that she can control him. And this weakness just proves her right...that he is weak and she is rightfully in charge of everything. On some level she doesn't want things to change. As for his relationship with me....I don't think it's that he has such a close emotional relationship with me.....as much as that he has almost no emotional relationship with most people. (and currently....as "sick" as he is.....I'm certainly not leaning on him for anything, not sharing any personal thoughts or such with him. It's not a growing, intimate thing.....like we're getting closer. He just knows I can know who he is and not blab everywhere, or leave. He tends to spend our conversations talking about his latest accomplishments.....unless I call him out on his superficiality and ask him how he's really doing. Sometimes I do that, sometimes I just let him brag.) She probably does think that it's "safer" to have a female friend.....but I think, in a way, she's just glad he has a friend at all. She could make a HUGE difference in his life......but she's going to need some therapy herself before she'll be ready to do that. (and yes....it's been suggested, and rejected several times) Maybe it's her who will have to "hit bottom" before things can change?
5. It doesn't consistantly cause me stress!.....(but it does take some time and energy praying, studying etc) It comes in waves.....usually for a couple of weeks every several months it will noticably increase. (almost always I find out later there was some kind of crisis going on for him during that time) I agree about the "what good would it do" questions..........that's my biggest hurdle. I don't know what good could come of making this public. Only God can change his heart. Maybe I need to change my focus in prayer to his wife and her desire to "shake his tree" (haha...i love that expression!) He is terrified of her leaving him......she could maybe give him another ultimatum. Maybe she's the one I need to take this info to. (however......it has crossed my mind that maybe she was somehow a participant.........ugh........what a mess)
I so appreciate the prayers! Please don't stop....the fog over this situation seems to be starting to thin out for me.
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mj9
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Posted: Fri Sep 29th, 2006 12:21 am |
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Luckysidney, I absolutely feel your pain. You've been placed in a position where there is NO easy way out. You are right, I think, that if you do nothing, you share in his guilt. Look at what Paul said to the Corinthians about their "tolerance". He blasts them. It makes no'ne better, and everyone worse when we tolerate sin. But blatant homosexual sin in the leadership of the flock is simply abominable. He should NOT be there, period, until if/when he is free from his own bondage. The Corinthian man wasn't happy, and neither was the Church Paul wrote to. Everyone was miserable. That's one of the consequences of sin. The problem isn't you, it's his sin, plain and simple. Whatever happens to him is a result of his own choices. That's where we all come to with our SA's. Pay-day. But there is a way out. Shine the light, get into the crevices, repent of the sin, and renew the mind. If he will do those things, he will be restored as was the man in Corinth. You know, the guy could repent and be "saved", or he could end up doing something drastic. Who knows? His response is NOT your responsibility. It's HIS. His choice. But the Church (you and those around him) are definitely and clearly responsible for the information you have been given (the godsend), to lovingly speak the truth and set limits (boundaries and consequences). I'm praying for you both. -mj9
Last edited on Fri Sep 29th, 2006 12:21 am by mj9
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luckysidney
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Posted: Fri Sep 29th, 2006 03:21 pm |
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mj9-----
"Shine the light".........that's what got me there to confront him in person last time.
I am now working through the idea of presenting everything (in person.....this isn't an email or phone call issue) to his wife. My thoughts are mixed......
(one): She is very very manipulative and controlling. There is a chance she won't believe me....and if I offer what "proof" I have, she is likely to tip him off to changing things before she even checks them out. (then.....no one will be able to know as it escalates....possibly until it's too late and more people have been hurt)
(two): She may very well be somehow involved in this......either by direct participation in some way (surely not...ugh!) Or....by just "allowing" it to keep him on an even keel and away from her (?). Or by just "allowing" it in order to keep the status quo on their life. In any case she would be very very upset with me messing things up by shining light everywhere.
(three) It could be just the reality check she needs to give him a real ultimatum. She's going to be confronting the issue publically if this goes on. He's apparently not being too careful about hiding things anymore. (if I was able to obtain all the info I have.....and I'm hardly a computer hacker!)
Whatever happens.......I'm back to the same place I was last year..... knowing that I have the power to dramatically change his world........and trying to completely believe that the fallout from that will be his responsibility not mine. I'm not ready to do it yet.... still praying and thinking through things. And part of me is just so sad.......he is an amazing person who is trapped. And I have no idea what he will do without his ministry.......it's a huge part of his identity. He has struggled with depression for years but would probably never admit it......and actually wrestled with thoughts of suicide the last time things went public.
It looks like my family is headed that way next week for fall break. My husband has said he wants me to be sure to have a chance to really talk to my friend, so it's going to come to some kind of confrontation in a short period of time. Please keep praying for my wisdom and courage.
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mj9
Member
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Posted: Fri Sep 29th, 2006 05:00 pm |
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luckysidney,
I'm confused about why you would go to his wife with this information when a.) you are reasonably sure she will help him hide it, making things worse and b.) she's not the one who is sinning, he is... ??? Go to the one caught in sin. If he refuses to listen, bring the witnesses (not his wife if she is enabling him). These are not witnesses to the "fact" of what he's done, but witnesses for the sake of witnessing that you have indeed confronted him with his sin; they are for your benefit, and to set up the next stage of bringing it before the leadership. See how the circle is gradually expanding? And then if he still refuses, even with the witnesses, and knowing where the next step is going to take him, you and the witnesses are to bring it before the elders for his disciplining.
What he and his wife do as a result of these situations is their choice alone. Your confronting him is simply telling him that this is your plan, and that may very well be the kick in the pants he needs to deal with it at this level. He can then make his decision and let his wife know what he has decided. He is responsible for him. You are responsible for you. Have you talked to a trusted pastor about this? He may be able to give you insight you do not already have - into what effect this kind of thing has on Church leadership and for the Church itself (local and worldwide) when it goes unchecked, so you can be confident of your choice on how to handle your responsiblities.
It seems, though, that you are taking on too much of the responsiblity for this man's potential behavior. You will blame yourself if you do nothing, and he continues, and you will blame yourself if you reveal what you know and he "commits suicide or does something drastic." Please forgive me, luckysidney, but I sense that at this point you seem unable to think clearly and objectively. My advice is to seek this out with a trusted pastor. He may even be able to intervene in such a way as to contact this man's church leadership himself, overtly or anonymously, or at least working through the process with you. That may relieve you of feeling so stuck, so responsible, and so alone.
I hope you will prayerfully consider it.
In Christ, mj9
Last edited on Fri Sep 29th, 2006 05:30 pm by mj9
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