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journeyofmine_
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Posted: Fri Sep 15th, 2006 07:58 am |
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Hi all, let me know what you think.
A while back, around 1.5 years ago or so, I did something that I ended up hiding from my partner. She found out about my addiction and activities about 7 or 8 months before that. It devastated her, of course, and I promised that I wouldn't masturbate again and that I would always be honest with her about that and where I was at. At the time this happened I was in counselling and attending SA meetings.
My addiction involved, especially in that last couple years of it before I got into recovery internet pornography and webcam sex, cybersex. Of course from the beginning of the addiction if was focussed on compulsive/addictive masturbation.
What happened or what I did is that twice, I masturbated in the shower. I don't remember exactly the time frame, but I'd say a matter of weeks apart, or maybe a couple months. Anyway, at the time I did this I thought it was healthy because I didn't do it for any of the reasons I had ever gone to my addiction. For me I went to my addiction to escape my pain and emotional issues I couldn't deal with, as well as anything too hard to face in life. I always knew I was feeling emotionally unwell when I went, and afterward of course the load of shame, guilt, worthlessness and self-loathing was worse. These two times none of that was there before or after I masturbated. Also, I didn't use any material... no pornography, no images in my mind. I focussed completely on how it felt physically and what I was doing, which is probably not normal, but it is the only way I ever masturbated when I wasn't doing it as acting out in my addiction.
Of course, what I came to realize later after being in a couple sa meetings that talked about masturbation directly and why/if it's ever ok and also after more therapy is that it wasn't ok. For me it wasn't ok because it is something I swore I wouldn't do to my partner, and because I had to hide if from her. Also because SA's very strict definition is no masturbation no matter what, so I should have known that. As my partner pointed out (last night) and I now accept, I lost my sobriety then, in a sense, whether I did it for "addictive reasons/purposes" or not.
What do you think?
journeyofmine_
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truthseeker
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Posted: Fri Sep 15th, 2006 06:06 pm |
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I think that you have answered your own question, and pray that God will help both of you through this difficult time in your journeys.
TruthSeeker
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Billyeah
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Posted: Sat Sep 16th, 2006 02:02 am |
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Agreed! Answered your own question. I wish they would all be this easy
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a4givn1
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Posted: Tue Dec 26th, 2006 01:29 am |
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Great post .. very honest.. I think yes maybe you have answered your own question but I also think your looking for feedback on the subject.
I will tell you a bit of my story. I have been to the emergency room with a testicle infection as a result of not mastrubating.
That was about 6 years ago . I found that I was able to overcome this fear and stay sober for extended lengths of time and the problem I was facing was emotional in nature .. So I can not mastrabate and be fine . Question is what it does for me.
it causes me to trade a moment of pain and selfishness for a peace filled time in the day. I causes further emotional caios and usally leads to acting out in other ways.
And beleive me when I say I understand that you have not used porn to mastrubate
and no porn images where in the mind at the time. I too have been there.
and truthfully it did not matter a bit. I was like rubbing an old wound. Eventually
I would bring images in to "assist" and that of course took me further down the dusty trail of addiction.
All in all any lustfull activity is counter productive to walking with God.
Sexual stimulation is only prodictive with a life time relationship capable of nurtureing children. Good test is would Jesus tell you it was ok and we all do it?
In mathew 19:12 I found that to be a eunich which I am single so I am eligable for this . To be a eunich means no operation of the testes.. No sperm.. very clear.
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guitarist63
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Posted: Sat Feb 17th, 2007 01:30 am |
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As an "m" addict since 12 years of age determined to give it up completely (now 43 years old), I wholeheartedly agree with your conclusion. There is no half way solution. No "m" is the answer. No lusting inside, either. Stephen.
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henny
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Posted: Mon Feb 19th, 2007 02:55 am |
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Sorry, to disagree with everyone, but I think you can masturbate without sin and without it drawing you back into your addiction. It is focusing on someone other than your mate or on the simple pleasure that can cause the problem. In my opinion where scripture is silent we are able to draw our own conclusions based on common sense and peace with God.
It's like cigars. I like cigars. I smoke 1-2 a month. Some Christians would say smoking is a sin. But that would make Charles Spurgeon a habitual sinner.
When confronted about his 10-12 cigar a day habit, he responded that as long as he didn't smoke to excess it was fine. It was pointed out that he smoked a dozen a day, and he was asked what he considered excess...his reply...smoking two at once!!!
In this situation, the only thing I believe journeyofmine failed at was in his commitment to his partner.
Thanks and God Bless.
Henny
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guitarist63
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Posted: Thu Feb 22nd, 2007 11:02 pm |
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Henny, I don't think there is a Bible verse that could be cited as condemning masturbation. However, silence in the Bible on the subject doesn't mean it isn't sin. I find several New Testament passages are relevant without mentioning "m" specifically and I refer to those for help, if tempted. I am not saying these are veiled references to "m" but that they are principles guiding our sexual conduct in general. The few passages referring to bodily emissions in the Old Testament should perhaps be viewed in the context of intricate laws governing the daily living of the Israelite people. I think one of the passages probably refers to nocturnal emission (during sleep) but this isn't absolutely clear. I don't think that Christians who advocate that masturbation is sinful would say that a nocturnal emission during sleep is sinful. I don't regard it as such.
I used to think until very recently that doing the "m" without fantasy or pictoral or other external stimuli could be done without lust and wasn't sinful. Then I started to consider the focus on the body and the pleasure given and began to change my view. I respect your view, having held that view myself in the past, but I have to obey my conscience which now tells me it is. This is always going to be a difficult subject to talk about. Thanks for your response. By the way, I'm still not able to get free of it yet. The most I've managed so far without is a week! Stephen
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Mark37
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Posted: Tue Mar 27th, 2007 01:19 am |
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guitarist63 wrote: As an "m" addict since 12 years of age determined to give it up completely (now 43 years old), I wholeheartedly agree with your conclusion. There is no half way solution. No "m" is the answer. No lusting inside, either. Stephen.
Your opinion or imposing?
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Mark37
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Posted: Tue Mar 27th, 2007 01:25 am |
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guitarist63 wrote: Henny, I don't think there is a Bible verse that could be cited as condemning masturbation. However, silence in the Bible on the subject doesn't mean it isn't sin. I find several New Testament passages are relevant without mentioning "m" specifically and I refer to those for help, if tempted. I am not saying these are veiled references to "m" but that they are principles guiding our sexual conduct in general. The few passages referring to bodily emissions in the Old Testament should perhaps be viewed in the context of intricate laws governing the daily living of the Israelite people. I think one of the passages probably refers to nocturnal emission (during sleep) but this isn't absolutely clear. I don't think that Christians who advocate that masturbation is sinful would say that a nocturnal emission during sleep is sinful. I don't regard it as such.
I used to think until very recently that doing the "m" without fantasy or pictoral or other external stimuli could be done without lust and wasn't sinful. Then I started to consider the focus on the body and the pleasure given and began to change my view. I respect your view, having held that view myself in the past, but I have to obey my conscience which now tells me it is. This is always going to be a difficult subject to talk about. Thanks for your response. By the way, I'm still not able to get free of it yet. The most I've managed so far without is a week! Stephen
God gave us sex as something pleasurable. Just like when we eat a bite of delicious food. Is that sinful? What about listening to beautiful classical music is that a sin. Or smelling a lovely flower. Is that sin? So if we are learning about our sexuality especially as a young person is it sin that we feel pleasure from it? What about intercourse with ones wife? Are we not supposed to feel pleasure from it? Is pleasure sinful?
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guitarist63
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Posted: Tue Mar 27th, 2007 07:35 pm |
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Last edited on Fri Jun 22nd, 2007 02:29 am by guitarist63
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guitarist63
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Posted: Tue Mar 27th, 2007 08:46 pm |
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Pleasure isn't sinful in itself Mark. I don't want to debate this subject with you because you're totally opposed to my point of view and I am totally opposed to yours. Stephen
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Mark37
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Posted: Sun Apr 1st, 2007 07:06 pm |
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guitarist63 wrote: Pleasure isn't sinful in itself Mark. I don't want to debate this subject with you because you're totally opposed to my point of view and I am totally opposed to yours. Stephen
It just appears that somewhere in your past you have inherited a guilty complex for sex. You stated that as you began to focus on your body and the pleasure given you felt it wasn't right. In the real world we do focus on our bodies and our partners too to do just that give pleasure. What is your sexual history with women ever since that experience at 12 years of age? This is a discussion forum and I am just curious?
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junkyardboy
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Posted: Sun Apr 1st, 2007 07:29 pm |
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greetings mark37,
i have read a number of your posts and see that you write often here.
you seem to have a unique and novel approach to these matters.
could you provide some scripture to provide a better understanding of your thinking.
thanks and awaiting your reply,
peter
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guitarist63
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Posted: Sun Apr 1st, 2007 10:00 pm |
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Last edited on Fri Jun 22nd, 2007 02:28 am by guitarist63
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