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mj9
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Posted: Thu Aug 24th, 2006 10:02 pm |
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| Wondering if anyone has advice for someone who isn't married yet, and has found out about a pornography addiction in their fiance'?
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Steve
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Posted: Thu Aug 24th, 2006 10:31 pm |
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The dynamics are the same as a married couple. Don't marry him until you and him know for sure that he is free long-term and definitely go through pre-marital counseling.
That's my two cents.
____________________
"Isolation is bad for any man, but for the sexual addict it is fatal." -Russell Willingham
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mj9
Member
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Posted: Fri Aug 25th, 2006 12:06 am |
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| OK, that's good to know. This is advice for someone I know... The wedding is soon, and this person is really uncertain of what to do, so any additional advice is welcome.
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Steve
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Posted: Fri Aug 25th, 2006 12:27 am |
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Well mj9, the only thing I will add is: I am a counselor in private practice who has worked with many sex/porn addicts and their spouses. While I can't say this for certain, I can say that statistically the devastation that is coming for the one who knowingly marries a sex addict will be swift and certain.
I suggest reading through the "wives section" on this forum to read about other women's experiences.
Sadly, quite a few times I've heard excuses like, "The invitations are already out!" or "What will everyone think if we postpone/cancel the wedding." Sometimes the rationalization for the spouse will go something like this: "Once my husband has sex with me on a regular basis, he'll have no desire for porn." Well, I can almost assure you that while in the short-run he may have a "healthy distraction" from porn, his untreated addiction will only fester over the long run.
Has this couple at least gone through some sort of through couples counseling or something of that nature? Without even that, I'd say this marriage is already on rocky ground.
Your thoughts and comments?
-Steve
Last edited on Fri Aug 25th, 2006 12:29 am by Steve
____________________
"Isolation is bad for any man, but for the sexual addict it is fatal." -Russell Willingham
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mj9
Member
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Posted: Fri Aug 25th, 2006 12:45 am |
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| Yes, they are in counseling (several x per week) now, but it is a fairly recent occurance, and as I said, the wedding date is near. I will pass on your input; thanks.
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Steve
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Posted: Fri Aug 25th, 2006 02:33 am |
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Well, at least they're in counseling. That's good!
Now I didn't mean to scare you, but geez, I've just seen all the potential hazards out there up close as part of my work.
-Steve
____________________
"Isolation is bad for any man, but for the sexual addict it is fatal." -Russell Willingham
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looking4light
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Posted: Fri Aug 25th, 2006 06:03 am |
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First of all a big ((hug)) to you. I am sorry you are having to go through this during what should be such an exciting time of your life. I am in a similar situation, I won't go into great details, you can read my history posted in the general discussion section here. My fiancee has bee porn free for 5 months now but I will tell you it has not been easy for either of us. I am still with him but I am not prepared to recommit to any future plans at this point. It would be unfair of me to do so, I still have some huge trust, self esteem issues to say the least. I can only say that in my case making no big decisions right now is the best decision.
God Bless
J
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mj9
Member
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Posted: Fri Aug 25th, 2006 07:11 pm |
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| Dear light, Actually, it's not me. It's someone I know. Not certain if they will go through with the wedding or not. I don't have any idea how to advise this person, and am just looking for advice from folks who know what they're talking about. But thank you for your input. Last edited on Fri Aug 25th, 2006 07:12 pm by mj9
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captivated
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Posted: Sat Aug 26th, 2006 12:41 am |
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mj9,
Hello! Welcome! Try having your friend take a look through this web site and pray and ask God to show her what He wants her to see.
Prayerfully,
Captivated
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