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wishingwell
Member
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Posted: Sun Aug 20th, 2006 05:34 am |
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I have some questions for the men who have struggled with sex addiction if you are willing to share. I caught my husband attemoting to find someone to "have a relationship with" and engaging web cams and pornography site two months ago. He is incredibly repentant and actively trying to work the 12 steps and reconnect with God. I honestly believe he is trying, however he did relapse the first time I left him at home alone with the modem connected. I caught him and then he confessed. My questions are:
1. My husband says he always loved me even when he was doing these horrible things that have destroyed me. Is it possible to love someone and engage with another woman? How can you love someone and do that? I struggle with this everyday as I try to heal.
2. He claims that he never compared me to the women he watched perform at his request and the porn stars. I cannot believe this. Is it possible to view airbrushed, skinny perfection, willing to do anything and not compare? I think he is trying to spare my feelings, which seems a moot point now.
3. Finally, what are husbands feeling as they watch us greive? Do you feel anything or would you really rather not know? My husband has cried more than I have ever seen him in our seven year marriage but I feel it is all tears for guilt and shame of being found out. It is hard for me to believe that he is truly sorry that he did this to me when he had to know this would destroy me as he was doing it.
I would appreciate your candor because I LOVE my husband and as long as he is dedicated to his recovery and me I will fight down Satan himself with my bare hands to save my children and my marriage. I just need answers to nagging questions so I can assess them, work through them, and heal to a point of forgivness for my husband. If he triumphs, it is the least I can do for the precious man God gave me. Please respond.
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mike
Administrator
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Posted: Tue Aug 22nd, 2006 10:08 pm |
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>1. My husband says he always loved me even when he was doing these horrible things that have destroyed me. Is it possible to love someone and engage with another woman? How can you love someone and do that? I struggle with this everyday as I try to heal.
Yes, it is possible for your husband to love you even as he sinned against you. We men are broken vessels of clay. Remember, Peter denied Jesus 3 times, even though he loved the Lord. Once we see our spouses through the lense of brokeness, it gives us the freedom to love them as they are. This doesn't excuse what your husband does, or remove the consequences.
>2. He claims that he never compared me to the women he watched perform at his request and the porn stars. I cannot believe this. Is it possible to view airbrushed, skinny perfection, willing to do anything and not compare? I think he is trying to spare my feelings, which seems a moot point now.
It is possible that he might not be comparing you cognitively; some men can compartmentalize like this. The problem is that by indulging in the porn he increases his hunger for the lie and becomes less able to cope with what is real.
>3. Finally, what are husbands feeling as they watch us greive? Do you feel anything or would you really rather not know? My husband has cried more than I have ever seen him in our seven year marriage but I feel it is all tears for guilt and shame of being found out. It is hard for me to believe that he is truly sorry that he did this to me when he had to know this would destroy me as he was doing it.
I can't say that I've ever cried because of guilt or shame; my guess is that his tears are real. Many men are sorry for the pain they inflict on their wives; the problem is that they don't know the way out of the snare of sin they've found themselves trapped in.
If he's doing something about his problem - going to a support group on a weekly basis, for example, then he's showing you by his actions that he's serious about getting help.
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wishingwell
Member
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Posted: Wed Aug 23rd, 2006 08:29 pm |
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| I appreciate your response more than you will ever know. Thank you so much.
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Current time is 08:07 am | |
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