To the ladies
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Billyeah
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Mana: 
  Posted: Mon Jul 3rd, 2006 11:28 pm
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I have noticed there are a few more wives on this board in the last little while, which I think is great. There is nothing more sobering than to read how a woman has had her heart ripped out and stomped on by a man with no concern for her feelings. I was thinking about a poem, something I think women appreciate. Here it is:

I remember that day like yesterday

my cousin showed me some porn

I'd heard of these pictures, naked girls

I'd heard of these before

 

this was something different though

but I couldn't pinpoint what

Thus began what I would call

"my sinful life of smut"

 

At first it was in innocence

curiousity at best

I couldn't help but look at these

They were different than the rest

 

The images stirred up feelings

feelings that I didn't know

lust hooked itself into my heart

Never again to let go.

 

Girls began to look different

Not just buddies and friends

They became objects of my desire

I would use them to no end.

 

Every time I had a chance

I'd try to steal a peek

Down a shirt

under a skirt

I thought I was such a sneak

 

Then came the Internet

Thousands of naked girls

They would do whatever I wanted

They would become my world

 

Suddenly I had a wife

such an amazing girl

But she wouldn't strip for me

she wouldn't even give it a whirl

 

She was wrong and I was right

I couldn't figure it out

So many women who would do it for me

they would help me out

 

I took my wifes trust and threw it away

all for the name of porn

I pray for God to take this away

I want to be like I was before

 

I wish that day never happened

back when I was ten

But it did, here i am,

I ask forgiveness again.

 

I pray this awful addiction can be taken away from all of us. To the wives....I'm sorry.

 

 

Last edited on Mon Jul 3rd, 2006 11:42 pm by Billyeah
Tears4Us
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Mana: 
  Posted: Tue Jul 4th, 2006 06:20 pm
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Thank you for sharing that Billy.....
BrokenDiva
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Mana: 
  Posted: Tue Jul 4th, 2006 09:14 pm
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I am sorry for you  billyyeah  that you have lost your childhood ,your innocence and this is something that never comes back unfortunately. I am sorry that because of how you and all the others here have fallen into these traps of lust that your brain will never be able to truely see the beauty of women .........I just cannot imagine  a child looking at these things ..a grown man is bad enough but the thought of a child ...oh my  ..that is so sad to me .... as a mother of 4 sons I will do everything in my power to keep them from this.... I want so much more for them than that ...

I am not sure you can understand though how hard it is to love someone and yet be so disgusted and creeped out by them because of their online behaviour, this makes intimacy and many things all but impossible sometimes because it's hard to have any respect.....sometimes TRUST is the least of your  worries when a couple is trying to recover :? 

Thank you for being sensitive to our pain. I know many partners can relate to the shame and embarrassment that comes with an issue like this though, if my partner was a drug or alcohol or even gambling addict things would be different , but this and the stigma of it are hard to bear.

I have lost alot of friends who are just "not comfortable ' around my partner not because he was a cheater,picking up women in bars but because of his online behaviour and how disgusted most people who are quote "normal" view it. I had my own sister and mom and many friends label him as a pervert and basically he is not welcome at family get togethers and we are seldom invited as a couple with any friends , regardless of the fact he is in recovery now for 2 yrs. I know it just creeps these ppl out ...when a women knows she is around a man who has those issue she can feel very weird and uncomfortble ...you feel exposed, judged and possibley lusted over ...NOTHING ... a women wants to feel or think is happening


This is his cross to bear and I am sure he is not unique. before this happened I was sure that men who looked at porn were dirty old men who had no life and anyone who would cyber/cam or have phone sex with strangers had to be ugly desperate and just an over all loser with no one who loved him/her ....now :( I know different...my partner is an extremely attractive and had so much going for him...??  I don't think I will ever understand this........and it's worse when ppl tell me I am never going to

Broken Diva
Tears4Us
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Mana: 
  Posted: Wed Jul 5th, 2006 12:46 pm
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Billy through Christ all things are possible..
 
 
 Diva, I am so sorry to hear that your family is feeling the way they do, I will pray that they too find forgiveness and love for your husband. I am thankful that my family loves my husband and supports he and I and our marriage in love and prayer that one day he will be set free completely and with god that is possible. They have never look at my husband as a pervert, wow that must be really hard for you, I am so sorry. Please know that you and yours are in my prayers.....

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