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BrokenDiva
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Posted: Tue Jun 27th, 2006 10:06 am |
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I wondered what people here thought ( both addicts and partner's of addicts ) about attending Sexaholics meetings ....... I was surprised to find out that both male and female recovering addicts attend the same meetings. I as a partner of an addict am not comfortable with this at all . No... at this point I do not trust my partner nor do I trust any woman who was involved in this addiction....I wonder if I am the only one who feels this way......??
I suppose I did not think of this as an addiction that women have although finding out about my partners activities made me feel a bit let down by my own gender...porn was one thing ...but all I could think was who were these women who could be so sick and so without self respect that they would so willingly show their bodies and/or share their sexuality in such a sad, perverse way...?? and with men who they quite clearly knew had spouses...??...are all these women addicts as well...??
Broken Diva
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justme
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Posted: Tue Jun 27th, 2006 04:49 pm |
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Hello Brokendiva,
I'm like you--it would make me very uncomfortable for my husband to go to meetings with women in the groups. He went to 2 or 3 s-anon groups before the addiction group formed at our church. I don't think there were any women in those sessions, but there was another group that met a different day of the week that was a mixed group. My husband said that one of the men in the group had attended both and when one of the women started sharing about her struggles this man was very triggered and said he was having a hard time not fantasizing about her. This is just my opinion, of course, but I think in this type of addiction it's way better for men and women to have separate meetings. I know that in society today there's a huge push to have women and men thrown together in many situations--while traveling on business for example. I just think we as Christians need to have God's wisdom and not do as the world does.
Justme
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Billyeah
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Posted: Tue Jun 27th, 2006 05:37 pm |
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| I agree with both of you. I would be triggered if I heard a woman talking about her struggles with sex and mb. I would constantly think about it. I am embarassed to say that but it's true. I wish it wasn't but it is.
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looking4light
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Posted: Sat Jul 1st, 2006 04:02 am |
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I can understand your point, but as a SO of a PA who attends meetings where female addicts are often present that is the least of my or my SO's concern. My fiance is at the SA meetings as part of his recovery program and there are very strict rules as to what is allowed to be shared by both men and women at these meetings. Any person attending the meeting who is unable to maintain self control or is triggering others through words, gestures or dress is removed from the meetings. Also, many times the women go off and discuss their issues in their own groups."Showing off bodies" and triggering addict talk is not allowed at SA meeting by male or females.
Unfortunately there is an increase of women who are dealing with sexual addictions. They are human also and have a right to be helped through a 12 step program, but there are often not enough to have a group of their own. Personally I am happy that my partner is in a 12 step recovery program and the fact that he may come in contact with female sex addicts is the least of my worries. I know he is there for help, not to find a female sex addict. In fact he is quite sad that women also are facing this demon addiction and we both pray that they too can be help from whatever support programs are out there.
I hope helps clear up any concerns you may have about the conduct of these meetings.
J
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BrokenDiva
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Posted: Sat Jul 1st, 2006 06:28 am |
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Thanks Looking4light for your thoughts and input . I assumed that rules of proper and appropriate language and dress would be impemented , I still however feel that if there is an increasing amount of women facing this demon than female groups would be an obvious answer.
No one wants to see women/men go with out support but I do think considering the fact that the s.a participants are men who have this self proclaimed issue with lust then a place of growth and healing should not have the very things they lust over right there in front of them. Regardless of dress or language it is my understanding that the fact is the addict 's world /addiction has been built on fantasy and from what I can tell these guys will lust over anything and anyone , an old granny or a broom could seem sexual to them. This is the point these guys get to.
The truth is we as women who are partners of addicts don't need to be so insecure or suffer esteem problems because the truth is that porn is not attractive, the women in porn are seldom that attractive and could be headless and who would notice....my spouse and many many like him would cyber sex with anyone even if they could not see them. They had no clue if the person was male or female 95yrs or 14yrs and they did not care because of the fantasy factor I guess .The women who would expose them selves on cam to have sex with him to weremore often than not a sorry bunch , the majority being overweight , plain and often downright nasty ....so what sense does any of this make....right ..none
That said I still disagree with men and women attending the same meetings , It may be the least of your problems but it is not the least of mine. It is an issue that should be addressed.
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Elizabeth
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Posted: Wed Jul 12th, 2006 05:08 pm |
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Whose bright idea was it to form co-ed SA groups, anyway? Is that ignorant or what? It makes no sense whatever to put men and women with SA problems in the same room. To do so is akin to putting an alcoholic in a room full of booze, is it not?! It is SO obviously dangerous in fact that it almost makes you wonder if it isn't some sort of sick way to FEED the addiction. Egads! Hey, sometimes the truth is stranger than fiction. These days, I could believe it could happen somewhere.
Who wants their husband going to a group with possibly some hot babes in there? That's all they need! Surprisingly, some of the women SAs look at aren't even that great, I discovered! But maybe that's because they see them as parts and we see them as whole people (?) Who knows! Just when you think "all" you have to compete with are "just" the hot chicks, you then find out you've also got to compete with the not so hot as well! Aren't we at LEAST as good as they? I don't get it. That's what's so painful. And I guess that's also what's so sick about SA. I guess we're not going to figure it out either, eh? Can't they just love us?
In my opinion, neither male nor female should attend a co-ed group for this problem. When you play with fire, what happens?
____________________
Elizabeth
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BrokenDiva
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Posted: Wed Jul 12th, 2006 11:14 pm |
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I agree completely with the idea that co-ed meetings is just a ridiculous idea , biut then again S.A was founded by men so whats to be expected.
When I first found out about my partners addiction I to expected "hot babes " to be the competition so to speak but oh my I was in for a surprise . The women that he interacted with were NOT even remotely the kind of women any man would take a second glance at in a public place. I found this so disturbing even when following his path of porn, it made no sense at all either...where are these perfect women we hear about that men cannot stop lusting over....??
TRUTH the women , images and what they look like do not matter , these guys will cyber /cam /phone with any one regardless ...all they need is some one as sick as them and willing to play the game. The porn is similar, it seems the more depraved , degrading and having a high sleaze factor is the draw. So much for being threatened by beautiful airbrushed playboy babes.....
back to the issue at hand tho ..the fact that women and men attend the same meetings...it is really NOT appropriate , but then nothing about this addiction is.
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