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justme
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Posted: Wed Jun 14th, 2006 05:44 am |
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Several months ago my husband was looking at porn online and I caught him. He later admitted to having several one night stands over the years. We have made a lot of progress in our marriage although it has been a slow, painful process. He is latin and loves soccer. There is a website--Univision, that has the soccer scores. It also has other things on the site, including women in very skimpy bikinis. He is still accessing the site, but the only part he goes to is the part that has soccer scores from Latin America. I am uncomfortable with him going to the site because it has a lot of unwholesome things on it. I thought it was necessary to click to another page to see pictures of women, however. Well, today, I was on the computer and used the pull down menu. I saw the Univision web address and for some reason decided to click on it. I think it might have been the Lord that made me do that. Anyway, it took me to the home page and there was a picture on the homepage of a topless girl. It was a tiny picture and her arms were mostly covering her chest, but she was still topless. I feel like I need to mention this to my husband. I don't think the home page usually has pictures like this, but one time is too much for me. Am I out of line? I kind of feel like I'm being his mother or something on one hand, but on the other hand I don't want to say nothing and just wait until he is drawn back into this stuff. I would appreciate any input.
--Just Me
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Steve
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Posted: Wed Jun 14th, 2006 06:23 am |
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I think it is very fair game to share your concern with him. Be sure to use "I" statements, particularly "I feel (fill in the blank) over the fact that there are women in bikinis on that Univision site."
If your husband is serious about his recovery, honoring you and having the best marriage relationship possible, he will do whatever necessary to access his soccer scores without visiting that web site. I obviously do not know much about you, but whether he feels convicted about the matter and how he reacts to you is a very true test to see whether or not your husband is actually changing in his heart.
That's my input.
All the best,
Steve
Last edited on Fri Jun 16th, 2006 04:18 am by Steve
____________________
"Isolation is bad for any man, but for the sexual addict it is fatal." -Russell Willingham
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justme
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Posted: Thu Jun 15th, 2006 05:15 pm |
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Steve,
Thanks for your input--I think you're right--it is fair game for me to let my husband know how I feel. I have made progress in the past few months. The Lord has shown me that I need to react in a Godly way and not be condemning or self-righteous. I did mention to my husband yesterday that I had noticed a picture of a topless girl on the homepage of the site. He told me that he never waits for the site to load--just clicks on the soccer score section. I did feel better about that at least--knowing he isn't looking at the home page. The problem is, there are pictures on that page as well--at least there was one--of girls in extremely skimpy bikinies in suggestive poses. Yes, the pictures are tiny unless you click on them, but it still bothers me. I guess my take on it is there are other places he could probably get the scores without going there. ESPN has a Spanish website without all of the pix, for example. I can see we'll need to talk some more about it--I don't need to let it go without talking to him. Good point about me needing to use the "I feel" comments when we talk. I'll do that. Please pray for me to handle it in the right way--it is obviously a very emotional subject with me right now.
--Just Me
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Allister
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Posted: Fri Jun 16th, 2006 03:20 am |
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| Just wanted to let you know I agree with what Steve has said.
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justme
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Posted: Fri Jun 16th, 2006 07:43 am |
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Thanks for the support everybody. I talked to my husband and told him it made me uncomfortable for him to go to the website even if the homepage didn't load. He said he didn't need to be going there then. I feel very encouraged and I'm soooo glad I talked to him about it. Thanks guys.
Just Me
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Allister
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Posted: Fri Jun 16th, 2006 05:32 pm |
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| There are a number of good books out there for guys on purity, and they are good for women to read to understand guys--what is OK and what is not. The two that come to mind are "Every Man's Battle" and the "Purity Principle". Does he guard his eyes and thoughts?
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justme
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Posted: Sat Jun 17th, 2006 06:21 pm |
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I've heard of the book Every Man's Battle, but not the Purity Principle. Who wrote that one? I'm sure we need to add both to our library of books we have now on sex addiction. I have seen a difference in my husband as far as guarding his eyes. He doesn't look other women up and down like he used to, thank God. I don't know his thoughts, of course, but I know the group he's in at our church puts a lot of emphasis on guarding thoughts.
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Allister
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Posted: Mon Jun 19th, 2006 03:20 am |
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| I dont recall who wrote it--maybe Randy Alcorn?--but just enter the title at Amazon or Christianbooks.com and you will find it. I found the more books I read the better because you get a little different view from each. It is really great he is in a group at church--means he is serious--though it is still a constant battle. One of my favorites especially for women trying to understand male sexuality is "The Sexual Male" by Dr. Hart. Unless a woman reads this she really won't have a true knowledge of men.
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